A Simple Life: Chapter 114 (Patreon)

For a couple of minutes we drive in silence, the familiar sights and faces of Haven Point passing by as Mom collects her thoughts and I ready myself for whatever this was about.  As we go I find myself beginning to relax a little.  I knew the detour wouldn’t be too long with Winona and Grandpa waiting for us.  Plus, these quiet drives with Mom and I actually brought back some nice memories.  The very best I ever had it at home was the brief window in time after Joshua moved out and before she hooked up with her first boyfriend after Dad.  For a bit there it was just her and I.  And while she said some things, a lot of things, that didn’t make me feel so good it was kind of nice to have her to myself.

Mom takes a long breath before at last speaking.  “I like her.”

“Huh?”

“Winona.”  She says.  “She’s pretty.  Funny too.  Grandpa likes her.  I can tell.”  She chuckles.  “Of course he likes everyone.”

My heart brightens and comes out in a smile.  “Yeah.  I really l-love her.”

She smiles, though there was sadness in it.  “I’m glad Avery.  I’m glad you found somebody.”  She drives another block.  “I’ve missed you.”

“Yeah.  S-Sorry.”

“I worry about you ya know.”  She says.  “I know we’re not the easiest family to get along with but…we do love you Avery.”

“I know.”  I say softly.  “I-I-I’ll try to v-visit more.”

“I’d like that.”  She looks at me then reaches across to stroke my cheek before returning her hand to the wheel.  “Jack feels terribly about that.  You know that, right?”

Bringing my hand to my cheek I softly feel at the edge of my bruised eye with the tip of my middle finger.  “I know.”

“You know better than to make him angry.  You know what a temper he has.”

I nod.  “I know.  B-But I d-d-didn’t do an-nything.”

“I’m sure you didn’t think so.”  She says.  “I know how you boys get though.”

“It w-wasn’t m-m-my…”

“Fault.  I know.”  She says, having heard exactly this more times than we could count.  “Grandpa was really upset by it.”

“I know.”  I whisper as my hands begin to wring.

“We shouldn’t upset Grandpa right now.  Don’t you think?”

I nod.  “I d-didn’t m-mean to.”

She smiles and pats my leg.  “I know it's hard growing up.  Grandpa was always there for you.  Now you have to be there for him.  For him and your family.  It’s all part of being a good man.”

“I-I’m t-trying Mama.”

“Jesus.”  She mutters.  “How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me Mama.  It’s not cute anymore.”

“S-Sorry Mom.”

“And Chris thinks its weird.”

“I’m s-sorry.”  I quietly berate myself for yet again doing what she’d told me so many times not to.  Dumb, dumb, dumb.  “H-How is Ch-Chris?”

She sighs.  “Not great.  His benefits are due to run out next year.  I don’t know what we’re going to do when that happens.  We might end up renting out the upstairs but…I don’t know.”

“I’m s-sorry to hear that.”

After glancing my way she suddenly pulls to the side and parks in front of our local drug store.  Putting the car into park and shutting it off she turns to face me.  She unbuckles and leans across.  “Come here.”  I lean into her and accept her hug.  “It must have been hard for you.  Finding out about Grandpa.”

“Yeah.”  I whisper.

“Of course it was.”  Her hug tightens before she lets me go.  “You two were always so close.”  Sitting back she looks at me in such a way that I knew the real purpose of our drive was about to reveal itself.  “Dad tells me he’s leaving you the boat.”

“The Anna B-Bella?  Yeah.”  I say.  “I th-think that’s wh-what he w-wants.”

“Mmm.”  She sighs again.  “What he wants.  Grandpa always gets what he wants.  What a blessed life he’s lead, huh?  I wish all of us could be so lucky.”

“Um…”

“Here’s the thing Avery.”  She takes my hand and pulls it closer, holding it over her thigh.  “He’s been living off of his savings since Mom died.  That boat’s the only thing of value Dad’s got left.”

“S-So?”

“So…I think you ought to sell it.”  She says.  “I think you ought to sell it and share the money with the family.”

“What?”

“What are you going to do with a rusty old fishing trawler Avery?”  She says, then continues in a hurry to cut off my objections.  “Listen.  You don’t even have to tell him.  It would only upset him.  Let him think that you’re keeping it.”  She squeezes my hand.  “When…it happens, you can take it out for a trip.  One last trip around the island.  Maybe the whole family.  That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?  One last cruise for Dad.  Then we can fix it up a bit and…”

“I’m n-n-not s-s-selling it!”

Her face falls, half in anger and half in disappointment.  After a lifetime of tiptoeing around her I could read her expressions like a book.  “Avery.  Remember how I said that it’s time to grow up now?”

“I’m not…”

“Avery.  Listen to me.”  She says, her voice teetering at the edge of calm.  “I know it’s a romantic idea.  To own your grandpa’s old boat.  I know all the memories you have there.  I have them too.  Even more so.  But you have to think about more than yourself.”

“I am!  I-I’m thinking of G-Grandpa and G-Grandma…”

“Stop it.  You didn’t even know Mom.”  She pushes my hand away.  “It’s not fair Avery.  Grandpa embarrasses us all over town with his singing and playing and…being a general nuisance.   Now he’s just going to leave us high and dry?  He owes us that boat.”

“You’re embarrassed b-by him?”

“I never said that!”  She snaps, despite having literally just said it. “Avery.  Think about the good that money can do.  I saw something similar sell up in Seattle last year for nearly a million.  A million!  Can you believe that?  We’re sitting on a fortune Avery.”

“H-How d-did you see that?”

“I just saw it on a website.  What does that matter?”  She says, her annoyance growing.  “Listen.  You could have some of that.  Owning a boat is no picnic you know.  There are fees and maintenance.  On an old boat like the Bella that thing will be a money pit.  Think about it.  You could finally get a car.  A nicer place.  A better camera, like you always wanted.  Treat that nice girl of yours like she deserves.  And think of the rest.  Paige and Josh can always use the money, you know they could.  And Jack and Lauren sure could use some extra funds with the baby coming.  You want the baby to have everything it needs, don’t you?”

“Of c-course.”  I say.  “J-J-Jack and L-Lauren m-make a g-good living.”

“Children are expensive Avery.  So expensive.  Lauren’s probably going to quit her job to be a mom.”  She says.  “And you know Jack.  He’s burned some bridges.  And construction’s alway so hot and cold on the island.”

“We’re b-b-booming.”

“They need you Avery.”  She says.  “Everyone needs you to do the right thing.  Okay?”

“But…”

“I’m not asking you to do anything while Grandpa is alive.  But once he passes on…”

“No.”  I shake my head stubbornly.  “No!  I-I’ll n-n-never s-sell Anna.”

Mom’s nostrils flare as her eyes narrow.  “Why are you being so selfish?  Why are you always so selfish?”

“I-I-I…”

“What about me, Avery?”  She says as she clutches her chest.  “What about your mother?  Don’t you care about me?”  

“I l-love you!”

“And that’s why you’re going to do the right thing.  You know how hard things have been for me since your father left us.”

I bow my head and nod.  “I know.”

“The roof needs fixing.  The furnace is shot.”  She slaps the wheel.  “The damn car is on its last legs.”

“M-Maybe W-Winona c-could help.  She’s a m-mechanic.”

“That’s beside the point!  God!  How can you be so dim?”

“I’m n-not…d-d-dim.”

“I just…I never can seem to get all the way back to my feet, ya know?  Ya know?  Ever since your father left I just…can’t.  Every time I think I’m up, life grinds me back down again.  That money could fix everything Avery.  It could make me…it could make us all so happy.”

I grip my hands together and shrink down into myself.  “M-Maybe if you d-didn’t drink s-so m-much y-you c-could…”

“How dare you!”  She snaps.  “How dare you say that to me!”

“It’s true!”  I snap right back.  “Chris isn’t g-g-good for you!”

“Who the hell do you think you are Avery?  You don’t know anything about anything.  Chris is a good man!  Chris is there for me!”  She shouts.  “You don’t even come visit anymore!  You don’t have a clue about what’s going on in this family!  Selfish!”

“D-Don’t…c-call me that…”

Mom was seething like I’d rarely seen her before.  But I was angry too!  Grandpa was dying and she’s thinking about money!?

“You’re just like him.”  She hisses through clenched teeth.  “Just like him.  Drifting through life without a care for anybody but yourself.  Selfish!”

“I’m p-proud to b-be Grandpa’s…”

“I’m not talking about your grandfather.” She growls.  “I’m talking about your dad!”

“Dad?”

“Your real dad.”

“Wh-What a-are y-you s-saying…?”

“Jesus Christ.” She huffs and shakes her head.  “You never once wondered why you’re such a little runt compared to your brothers?  Seriously?  All these years and it never occurred to you that you might not be a Beckett?”

“I’m…a…but…”  Time slows as my whole world shifts on its axis.  She couldn’t mean what it sounded like!  “Wh-What!?”

“You never noticed how your dad never really loved you?”  She snorts.  “He figured it out.  When you showed up he knew.  Confirmed as you grew up.  Little, weak, weird.  He never said anything but he saw that you weren’t his.”  Her eyes give a glance up and down my petite body.  “If you hadn’t have been so…you, he never would have left the island.  He never would have left us.”

“No.” I shake my head as everything starts to spin.  “No.  Stop.  Wh-Wh-What…Wh-Who…?”

“Stop it!  Stop crying.  You’re always CRYING!”  She screeches.  “STOP CRYING!  YOU’RE A GROWN MAN!”

I gulp down breaths, having trouble breathing, as I wipe my tearful eyes.  “You’re h-hurting m-my…”

“Feelings.” She finishes my sentence.  “It’s not always about YOU Avery.”  She says, slapping her chest.  “What about me!?  What about us!?”  With a finger jabbing into my shoulder she looks me dead in the eyes.  “You ruined my life Avery.  You chased your father away.  You chased Paige’s and Joshua’s and Jack’s father away.  And MY husband!  YOU did.  You did that.  And now you can actually do something to help this family…but you don’t even care.”

“Noooo.”  Hugging myself I curl into a ball and begin to rock.  “I l-love youuu!  Mmmmmm!”  I needed to get away!  I needed to get away!  I needed to get away!   “MMMM!  Love…youuu!”

I watch as something comes over my mother.  A look of profound pain and regret.  In her rage she’d gone too far and she knew it.  I see it but I cannot process it.  I needed to get away!

“Avery.”  She whispers.  “God.  Avery.  Calm down, okay?  I’m…I’m sorry.  I…didn’t…”

“No!  No!  MMMM!   Nooo!”  I turn and dash from the car, leaving the door open behind me without even a glance back.  Out on the side walk every head turns to see the town’s local weirdo having another freak out.  “MMMMM!”

“Avery.”  Mom calls.  “Avery!  Get back in here.  AVERY!”

Everyone was looking at me!  Everyone was looking at me!  Away, away, away, away, away!  I needed to get away!  Away!  Away!  Away!  Frantically I search the horizon looking for mountains, looking for nature, looking for solitude, looking for anywhere but here.  All I see is buildings and cars and faces, faces, faces staring at me.  None of them were Grandpa.  None of them were Winona or Kayla.  They just wanted to hurt me!  I had to escape!

“I’m sorry, alright?  Mama loves you baby.  Come back and talk.”  She says, conscious of what a scene I was making.  “Grandpa and Winona are waiting, remember?  Why don’t you just….”

I don’t hear the rest as the very next moment I am running as fast as my feet could carry me.

Chapter 115