Gamelit 30 (what does it all mean) (Patreon)

We resume the gamelit after hiatus! Reminder that the index is here if Ray's recap wasn't enough to resituate yourself in the story: https://www.patreon.com/collection/362447?view=expanded

          “If you had all the money in the world,” Amanda said, “what would you be doing differently?”

            Beneath her cheek, her husband’s chest jumped as he snorted. “Oh, I don’t know. Buy an island. Build a castle on it. Get someone to genetically engineer me some dinosaurs to protect it….”

            She poked him in the ribs. “Okay, maybe not all the money in the world. If you had enough money.”

            “What’s enough? Isn’t that a moving goalpost?” He smoothed his hand over her hair. “What’s this really about?”

            “I just wonder… have we settled?”

            That made his hand pause. “This sounds serious.”

            “I mean it,” she said. “We had big plans, once upon a time. At least, they felt big. Did we give it all up for a house in the suburbs where our children have to resort to games to feel important?”

            “What exactly would you do differently?”

            “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I just wonder… if we got too risk-averse. Does that sound crazy?”

            “From you? A little.” The smile in his voice made it a joke, and it was funny. “Our life isn’t solely the product of our choices, though. We wanted to stay near the family, and the family didn’t want to move. This was the best we could do.”

            “Do you think it was?” She chewed on her lower lip, then said, “I think of you working this terrible, boring, soul-deadening job—”

            He laughed. “Tell me how you really feel!”

            “I’m serious! You sacrifice so much, and I worry that you don’t get much out of it. And that it sets an example for Nick. That there’s nothing to look forward to.”

            He was silent for long enough that she worried, but he said finally, “You’re right that I don’t love my job. But few people do. And meaning is where you make it, Amanda. I love you and Nick and our next baby. I’d do anything for you.”

            “I just wish what you were doing was more… I don’t know.”

            “Epic?” he teased.

            “Like braining harrier cats with a spoon and making trophies out of their dead bodies,” Amanda agreed.

            “Very heroic!”

            “It seems like more of a you job than a me job, to be honest.”

            “I think I’d prefer to brain them with a cudgel. Or a mace.”

            “Or with a sword!”

            “You don’t do much bashing with a sword.” He kissed the top of her head. “But it would be entertaining to try.”

            “I wish… I just wish I could make things better for you.” She traced the edge of his collarbone. “We wanted to live somewhere prettier, remember? A piece of land…”

            “Off the grid,” he said, laughing. “I’m not sure I want to dig my own well anymore.”

            “Maybe I’ll make so much money streaming that we can buy a log cabin for a summer home,” Amanda said. “And we can leave Nick the house when he gets older and go live in the middle of nowhere. Except he’d probably prefer to live in the middle of nowhere too.” She laughed. “Oh no, we’re all antisocial!”

            “That’s us, the techno-luddites,” Felix said. “Streaming to escape modern life.”

            “I warn you, I’m a level 2 pony! I could bite you and it might hurt!”

            He grinned. “You’re welcome to try.”

            Later, curled up sleepy and contented, Amanda replayed their jokes in her mind. Humor was a good way to paper over pain. Had they bandaged their bleeding dreams, or were they living a newer, better dream? She loved her family; she felt like as long as they were alive and near, she was content. But she wasn’t the only person with needs.

Was it bad that the game had made her question these things? Maybe she’d been due for a wake-up call, and this was how God had chosen to deliver it. But the question became what to do about it, if anything?