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Let’s Talk About Sexual Values (Patreon)

Published:
2025-01-15 16:57:01
Imported:
2025-01
Tags:

Content

Hey there, amazing humans!

We’ve all spent time reflecting on our values in life—family, friends, work, health—but when’s the last time you thought about your sexual values?

Yup, sexual values. 

So, what are sexual values? They’re the things that matter most to you in your sexual and romantic relationships—including the one you have with yourself (yes, that counts too!). These values shape how you engage with others and how you want others to engage with you—sexually. It’s about identifying the sexual connections that feel right, safe, and fulfilling for you, and deciding who you want to share those experiences with—in bed (or elsewhere 😜).

Here’s an example: maybe your sexual values include things like safer sex practices, consent, trust, fun, respect, or curiosity. Or maybe it’s important that sex feels like a safe space to explore or a way to connect deeply with your partner(s). Whatever your values are, they shape your behaviors, feelings, and thoughts around sex—and life.

We rarely sit down and think about this stuff, but when we do, it can be a total game-changer. Knowing your sexual values helps you communicate better, set clearer boundaries, and enjoy more meaningful sexual connections.

🤔 So, let’s do this together:

• Have you ever thought about what your sexual values are?

• What’s important to you in your sexual or romantic relationships—or in the way you connect with yourself if you’re not partnered?

Take a moment to reflect (or jot some ideas down if you’re a journaler like me) and share your thoughts with us in the comments below. 👇

Files

Comments

Ron Gaskins

Oh my...I could write a chapter on this topic... Be careful what you ask for. LOL

Carson Hood

How does your pelvic floor muscles affect being able to get an erection.

works
>>161394665

There are medical and psychological issues with ED, but when all is good psychologically and medically, the muscles are in control. After treatment for prostate cancer I found that I was not having spontaneous or durable erections even after medical treatment. This was corrected when my pelvic therapist found that I was keeping tension on the muscles that control blood flow to the erection, showed me via perineal muscle therapy and exercises how to relax.

Ron Gaskins

Q: Have I ever thought of my sexual values... A: I grew up in a very religious and conservative family. It took quite awhile to embrace my sexuality and cleanse the guilt associated with sex and nudity. Once I embraced it, I have thought about sexual values very often. My values have grown as my perspectives on life in general have grown. The more open minded I became the more my sexual values have evolved in a positive manner. Within reason and appropriate boundaries, I believe sexual exploration is emotionally and physically healthy. Suppressing one's sexuality can be detrimental to one's well being. Having said that, I consciously and/or unconsciously evaluate by values quite often. And, I look forward to new experiences that broaden my sexual I.Q.

works

I'm probably the odd ball. I was looking for the white picket fences and a 1950s family lifestyle. I need/want a loving emotional relationship where sex is all about sharing pleasure. I had some pretty crazy experiences that were interesting, but just not fulfilling.

Ned Daniels

I think curiousity, consent, and trust are the key parts. People need to be interested in each other and want to experience new things, have trust that enables them to talk about what they want in a safe way, and the consent to act within the bounds of that curiousity and trust.

Ron Gaskins

Q: What is important in sexual or romantic relationship. A: It is of utmost importancr to give as much or more emotional support and sexual pleasure as I receive. It can't happen all the time but it should always be paramount in a relationship.

Joern Schanz

In my relationship with my wife it’s about being connected and in the present moment. In my self care relationship with myself curiosity and open minded exploration is added.

Dr. Susie Gronski - Doctor of Physical Therapy
>>161394665

Works answered this question well! During an erection, the pelvic floor muscles, specifically the superficial pelvic floor muscles (bulbospongiosus muscle and ischiocavernosus muscles) increase in tone to further compress the veins of the penis to keep blood flow in. They also rhythmically contract and relax during ejaculation to move semen out of the body. This increase in tone and rhythmical contractions also stimulate the nerves of the perineum that supply the penis further increasing sensory input.

Dr. Susie Gronski - Doctor of Physical Therapy

Wow, I’m blown away by the honesty and openness in this thread! It’s inspiring to see emotional support, curiosity, honesty, trust, and mutual pleasure highlighted as essential ingredients for building sexual connection and satisfaction. Let's keep the conversation flowing, friends. 😍

THOMAS O'NEILL

Sexual Values: in order: Consent, Safer sexual encounters (any known health concerns partner should know about, Protection), partner’s pleasure, Personal pleasure, aftercare (i.e., cuddling, inquiring (anytime before next sexual encounter) if there was anything they particularly liked/didn't like, anything that partner wants to try during next time, or would prefer not repeating.

Douglas Roberts

Safe, accepting, fun, no expectations, friendship and trust. I am not partnered and I’m discovering that expectations produce deterrents to living. I got involved with a girl that has Borderline Personality disorder and it was devastating. I’m going to unplug the seriousness. Life will keep moving on by otherwise.

Douglas Roberts

And I guess I resolved the Patreon connection issue

works (edited)

Comment edits

2025-01-22 15:37:42 Expanding on my previous comment, my adolescent years were mostly in the 50s, in a Beaver Cleaver type family life. No one talked about sex. My view was that sex would be part of a loving relationship, usually marriage. I was nerdy and shy and did not socialize during the usual dating years. I had a Don Quixote (delusional romantic) notion that men should protect women's virtue. I did a good job of protecting mine at the same time as I did not become sexually active until a month before my 30th birthday. About a year of so before this time I began running into some very aggressive women who obviously did not want their virtue protected. I was very shy and had no frame of reference in dealing with women who wanted hook ups and recreational sex so it really messed my mind up. In at least two instances women actually contrived to get me in bed with one of their friends. I just absolutely could not believe that women would want to hook up almost before they knew my name. Not having socialized, I didn't and still don't know the etiquette of social touch. I did not/do not know what is appropriate or welcome so I just don't touch without express permission of some sort. Other than my wife of 47 years.
2025-01-22 15:37:42 Expanding on my previous comment, my adolescent years were mostly in the 50s, in a Beaver Cleaver type family life. No one talked about sex. My view was that sex would be part of a loving relationship, usually marriage. I was nerdy and shy and did not socialize during the usual dating years. I had a Don Quixote (delusional romantic) notion that men should protect women's virtue. I did a good job of protecting mine at the same time as I did not become sexually active until a month before my 30th birthday. About a year of so before this time I began running into some very aggressive women who obviously did not want their virtue protected. I was very shy and had no frame of reference in dealing with women who wanted hook ups and recreational sex so it really messed my mind up. In at least two instances women actually contrived to get me in bed with one of their friends. I just absolutely could not believe that women would want to hook up almost before they knew my name. Not having socialized, I didn't and still don't know the etiquette of social touch. I did not/do not know what is appropriate or welcome so I just don't touch without express permission of some sort. Other than my wife of 47 years.
2025-01-22 15:37:42 Expanding on my previous comment, my adolescent years were mostly in the 50s, in a Beaver Cleaver type family life. No one talked about sex. My view was that sex would be part of a loving relationship, usually marriage. I was nerdy and shy and did not socialize during the usual dating years. I had a Don Quixote (delusional romantic) notion that men should protect women's virtue. I did a good job of protecting mine at the same time as I did not become sexually active until a month before my 30th birthday. About a year of so before this time I began running into some very aggressive women who obviously did not want their virtue protected. I was very shy and had no frame of reference in dealing with women who wanted hook ups and recreational sex so it really messed my mind up. In at least two instances women actually contrived to get me in bed with one of their friends. I just absolutely could not believe that women would want to hook up almost before they knew my name. Not having socialized, I didn't and still don't know the etiquette of social touch. I did not/do not know what is appropriate or welcome so I just don't touch without express permission of some sort. Other than my wife of 47 years.
2025-01-22 15:37:42 Expanding on my previous comment, my adolescent years were mostly in the 50s, in a Beaver Cleaver type family life. No one talked about sex. My view was that sex would be part of a loving relationship, usually marriage. I was nerdy and shy and did not socialize during the usual dating years. I had a Don Quixote (delusional romantic) notion that men should protect women's virtue. I did a good job of protecting mine at the same time as I did not become sexually active until a month before my 30th birthday. About a year of so before this time I began running into some very aggressive women who obviously did not want their virtue protected. I was very shy and had no frame of reference in dealing with women who wanted hook ups and recreational sex so it really messed my mind up. In at least two instances women actually contrived to get me in bed with one of their friends. I just absolutely could not believe that women would want to hook up almost before they knew my name. Not having socialized, I didn't and still don't know the etiquette of social touch. I did not/do not know what is appropriate or welcome so I just don't touch without express permission of some sort. Other than my wife of 47 years.
2025-01-22 15:37:42 Expanding on my previous comment, my adolescent years were mostly in the 50s, in a Beaver Cleaver type family life. No one talked about sex. My view was that sex would be part of a loving relationship, usually marriage. I was nerdy and shy and did not socialize during the usual dating years. I had a Don Quixote (delusional romantic) notion that men should protect women's virtue. I did a good job of protecting mine at the same time as I did not become sexually active until a month before my 30th birthday. About a year of so before this time I began running into some very aggressive women who obviously did not want their virtue protected. I was very shy and had no frame of reference in dealing with women who wanted hook ups and recreational sex so it really messed my mind up. In at least two instances women actually contrived to get me in bed with one of their friends. I just absolutely could not believe that women would want to hook up almost before they knew my name. Not having socialized, I didn't and still don't know the etiquette of social touch. I did not/do not know what is appropriate or welcome so I just don't touch without express permission of some sort. Other than my wife of 47 years.
2025-01-22 15:37:42 Expanding on my previous comment, my adolescent years were mostly in the 50s, in a Beaver Cleaver type family life. No one talked about sex. My view was that sex would be part of a loving relationship, usually marriage. I was nerdy and shy and did not socialize during the usual dating years. I had a Don Quixote (delusional romantic) notion that men should protect women's virtue. I did a good job of protecting mine at the same time as I did not become sexually active until a month before my 30th birthday. About a year of so before this time I began running into some very aggressive women who obviously did not want their virtue protected. I was very shy and had no frame of reference in dealing with women who wanted hook ups and recreational sex so it really messed my mind up. In at least two instances women actually contrived to get me in bed with one of their friends. I just absolutely could not believe that women would want to hook up almost before they knew my name. Not having socialized, I didn't and still don't know the etiquette of social touch. I did not/do not know what is appropriate or welcome so I just don't touch without express permission of some sort. Other than my wife of 47 years.
2025-01-22 04:25:09 Expanding on my previous comment, my adolescent years were mostly in the 50s, in a Beaver Cleaver type family life. No one talked about sex. My view was that sex would be part of a loving relationship, usually marriage. I was nerdy and shy and did not socialize during the usual dating years. I had a Don Quixote (delusional romantic) notion that men should protect women's virtue. I did a good job of protecting mine at the same time as I did not become sexually active until a month before my 30th birthday. About a year of so before this time I began running into some very aggressive women who obviously did not want their virtue protected. I was very shy and had no frame of reference in dealing with women who wanted hook ups and recreational sex so it really messed my mind up. In at least two instances women actually contrived to get me in bed with one of their friends. I just absolutely could not believe that women would want to hook up almost before they knew my name. Not having socialized, I didn't and still don't know the etiquette of social touch. I did not/do not know what is appropriate or welcome so I just don't touch without express permission of some sort. Other than my wife of 47 years.

Expanding on my previous comment, my adolescent years were mostly in the 50s, in a Beaver Cleaver type family life. No one talked about sex. My view was that sex would be part of a loving relationship, usually marriage. I was nerdy and shy and did not socialize during the usual dating years. I had a Don Quixote (delusional romantic) notion that men should protect women's virtue. I did a good job of protecting mine at the same time as I did not become sexually active until a month before my 30th birthday. About a year of so before this time I began running into some very aggressive women who obviously did not want their virtue protected. I was very shy and had no frame of reference in dealing with women who wanted hook ups and recreational sex so it really messed my mind up. In at least two instances women actually contrived to get me in bed with one of their friends. I just absolutely could not believe that women would want to hook up almost before they knew my name. Not having socialized, I didn't and still don't know the etiquette of social touch. I did not/do not know what is appropriate or welcome so I just don't touch without express permission of some sort. Other than my wife of 47 years.