Welcome to Your New Life Aboard the USS Mercury π (Patreon)
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Welcome, valued Cadet! Let me show you to your room! π
We certainly boast all the latest mod-cons on the Mercury - every SpaceCorps Cadet is entitled to a bunk of their very own in this charmingly communal 6-person, gender-neutral bunk. Yes, you and your platoon can enjoy the comforts of a home-from-home for the next 3 years!* π‘
*excluding Lesser Species, Synthetics and Bonded Slaves.
As you can see, every bunk comes with a free Toiletry Assemblage (Economy) from SpaceCorps affiliate BogCorps. That's right, completely free!* π
*BogCorps Toiletry Assemblage (Economy) to be deducted from Month 1 Living Allowance.
Platoon Commanders will even be permitted to customise their bunk... And hasn't Ensign Cis done a great job of making hers as warm and inviting as a Rigellian PleasureFarm? Quite the little homemaker there, boys... she'll make a fine wife for one of you! π
[Seriously? Could we not have found one without pictures of cocks all over the walls!? Not even one? I am pressing mute, Jerry...]
Even better than that, SpaceCorps psychologists have devised the perfect environment to maximise Combat Readiness! Low level neon lighting, no covers, and a constant hum will prevent REM-sleep robbing you of your energy! π Handstitched denim sheets and pillowcases will gently abrade your naked flesh throughout the night - maintaining the high levels of stress-aggression that make our troops the finest in the galaxy! π‘
Moreover, our strict curfew rules ensure that you'll receive an enforced 4 hours 27 minutes of slumber a night! Yes, you heard that right! Your rest is so important to us at SpaceCorps, that even if you wanted to get up you'd be flogged for it! π
[END TRANSMISSION]
[Poor little fuckers. Sometimes I really don't feel good about my job, Jerry - when I joined HR I thought I'd be helpi... Wait, is that microphone still on? Oh, you stupid bast...]