Will the Real Biotic God Please Stand Up (Patreon)

“We should be there shortly, Commander.” Miranda Lawson told him, her face blank, “The Illusive Man put us under your command. What are your orders?”

“Priority is securing any survivors and getting them home. Secondary objective is getting any info on just who is behind these disappearances. We’ll hit them hard and put them in the damned ground. You’re on point, Lawson.” Shepard said, getting a look of surprise from her, “I’m sure you’re all assuming that this is another milk run where you’ll find nothing of interest. It’s what you’ve found on all the other colonies. Clearly, you weren’t paying attention to my luck when reading the dossiers. Be ready for combat.”

Jacob frowned, “In every mission I’ve read about, you’ve always led from the front. Why change that now?”

“I’ve already seen you in action, Taylor.” Shepard leaned back, crossing his arms, “I haven’t seen her. Consider this your own evaluation, Lawson. Hope that getup is more defensive than it looks.”

Miranda narrowed her eyes at him, “And I suppose the view has nothing to do with it?” She asked archly.

“You said it, not me.” Shepard smirked back at her, “Though really, you’re begging for eyes on you in that. Where is the armor?”

“My Biotics will keep me safe.” She replied nonchalantly.

Shepard stared her down, “Have you ever been in an actual pitched firefight while playing secret agent, Lawson? And I don’t mean little skirmishes with waves of idiot mechs like the Lazarus Station. I’m talking hundreds upon hundreds of enemies, all with their own armor and shields or Biotics.”

Miranda had been about to angrily retort, but something in his gaze stopped her and forced her to think. “…I’ve certainly seen my fair share of combat.” She said slowly, “Though something like you’re describing? No, I’d say not.”

“Then let me tell you.” Shepard replied, “When your barriers fail, and they will fail, armor is the only thing keeping the bullets out of you. So, unless that suit is more than it appears?” He trailed off leadingly.

“It is.” She said, “The material hardens upon impact, almost like a non-Newtonian fluid. It provides some protection.”

Shepard let out a sigh, “Well, that’s something I suppose, though I’m sure it’ll still leave you bruised like a banana.” Her answering frown was answer enough. “We’re here. Anything interesting happens or if we meet with anyone, I’ll take over. Unless I say otherwise, the show is yours, Lawson.”

“Sir.” Miranda replied, and they stepped out of the shuttle.

…

The trek through Freedom’s Progress had yielded some interesting info. Not only did the LOKI and FENRIR mechs attack them despite them being human, but they were active in the first place. “Guess you were right, Shepard. Looks like your luck really is something.” Miranda said, snorting softly. “Someone had to have activated these things, and set their Friend-Foe systems to attack anything. Maybe there are some survivors.”

“Told you.” He said idly, looking around the room, “It’s like they just left in the middle of dinner.” He picked up a cup, still full of liquid. He sniffed it, but just shrugged and put the cup back down.

“This is creepy…” Jacob said, before side-eyeing Shepard, “Also Commander, excuse me, but are you even going to take your gun out?” Shepard hadn’t even drawn his sidearm or helped them fight, irritating both Cerberus operatives.

He snorted, “If you actually needed the help, I’d be worried.” He stared at them, “This is as close to a field test as I’m going to get. Miranda is skilled with Warp and Overload, which is a load off my back. That said, you both could have handled that fight about fifteen seconds faster.”

Miranda barely held back a growl, “And how is that?”

He stared at her with a raised eyebrow, “Overload to get rid of the shields on one of them, have Taylor Pull it into a mass of them, and then you Warp immediately afterwards. Biotic Detonation and they’re all down with a few shots. If you even need them.”

Jacob’s eyes widened, but Miranda beat him to the punch, “I’m… aware of the theory.” Miranda said slowly, “But I’m not very used to working in combat with others. I’m usually a solo act.”

“Well time to learn to play nice, little miss Cerberus.” Shepard chortled, “If you can handle detonations on your own it’s one thing, but that’s what the team is for if you’re not used to it.” He eyed them both, “And you definitely need to add some more skills to your repertoire.”

“But having too many of them can be detrimental, can’t it?” Jacob said, “You could overload your implants, or leave yourself exhausted and starving.”

“Well, I could definitely eat a horse after most missions, but exhaustion?” Shepard slowly smirked, “I can sleep when I’m dead.”

“Well then, you just got two years of it.” Miranda turned and marched away, irritated at the rightful criticism.

They came upon a locked door, and after hacking their way in, were surprised to run into a squad of Quarians. “Stop right there!” The lead marine pointed their guns at them, and Miranda and Jacob raised theirs in turn.

Shepard’s jaw dropped as a very familiar Quarian came barreling at them, “Prazza, you said you’d let me hand-”

“Tali?!” Shepard blurted, ripping his helmet off and handing it to Jacob so hard the man stumbled.

Tali whirled around, a gasp ripping itself from her throat, “SHEPARD?!” And then Shepard had her in a bear hug, and was twirling her around, “She-Shepard! Put me down, you big old bosh’tet!” The two ignored the two Quarian marines aiming at them nervously. “P-Prove you’re the real Shepard!”

Shepard leaned forward and whispered something into her ear, and she stiffened up, before letting out a scandalized squeal.

“Shepard! It’s really you?! YOU BOSH’TET!” She pounded a fist into his chest multiple times, trying to keep from crying, “You utter bosh’tet! What in the name of Rannoch are you doing with Cerberus?! How could you let me think you were dead?!”

Shepard put her down, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, “Well, I was dead, for starters.”

“As you humans say, ‘Bullshit.’” Prazza snarled.

“Prazza stand down.” Tali half turned and glared at the man for a few seconds. The other Quarians finally put their guns away. She turned back to Shepard, “So… what, you were in a coma for two years?”

“No, definitely dead.” Shepard said, before turning to Miranda, “I don’t suppose you have pictures.”

She glared at him, before sighing and looking down at her arm, typing on her OMNI-tool and projecting an image, “This was him when we got our hands on him.”

“Oooh.” Prazza stumbled back, “I think I’m going to be sick.” He mumbled.

Tali had a very hysteric note in her voice, “Keelah, how are you alive?! Did they clone you?! WHY are you alive? Not that I’m complaining!” She hastened to add.

“As to the how…” Shepard said, “About four billion credits.” They all balked, “Am I a clone?” He glared at Miranda, “Better fucking not be.”

“No.” Miranda rolled her eyes, “The Illusive Man was very particular about bringing you back and not a clone. We only cloned spare body parts, seeing as how several of your organs could have charitably been called confetti. And the only reason we succeeded was that your brain had been remarkably well preserved inside that helmet.” He stared pointedly at her, and she flushed, “Oh, shut up.” She snapped.

“Okay, but why?” Prazza asked, “Why spend all these resources on one man?!”

“Clearly not his combat ability.” Miranda snapped, “All he’s done so far on this mission is stand around looking pretty.”

Tali burst into hysterical laughter, to the point she started wheezing and hanging off of Shepard. “Sh-She said… pffffft!” She started to laugh like a hyena, and everyone but Shepard stared at her like she had two heads.

…

“Okay, so we must be getting close to Veetor, right?” Shepard asked, and got his response in the form of Tali contacting them via comms.

“Vot!” She swore in Khelish, “Shepard, that idiot Prazza rushed ahead! I told him not to, but he wants to grab Veetor and leave before you can!”

“Typical.” Miranda let out a sigh.

“Maybe you should take the emblem off the outfits.” Shepard deadpanned, “Honestly, you’re a secret organization aren’t you? Why are you plastering the icon over everything?” Miranda steamed as they hurried through, with Shepard actually taking his Carnifex out and headshotting a bunch of mechs.

Tali called out again, “Vot! Shepard, Veetor reprogrammed two heavy mechs! They’re going to tear Prazza and his squad apart! Hurry!”

“TWO?!” Jacob gasped, “How are we-”

“You two can relax.” Shepard said, “I got this. Might as well see if I shook off the rust yet.”

“What?!” Miranda snapped at him as she ran to the door to hack it open, “You want to fight TWO hea-”

“That’s right.” Shepard said, “You two can grab a coffee if you want. I’ll handle this. Open the door.”

“Damn it Shepard, I’m not letting you-” Miranda snapped at him, but quailed when he looked at her, his eyes glowing with Biotic fire. “Shit!” She snarled, hacking the door open.

The second it opened, Shepard was gone. A Biotic Charge had him smashing into a YMIR mech that was about to kill Prazza and sending it stumbling back. His left arm came up, and a glowing purple shield rose in front of him. The YMIR mech fired its cannon, but his Backlash merely returned the bullets to sender. His right arm snapped back, glowing, and Prazza screamed as he ripped through the air and back towards the open door. Prazza crashed into Jacob, knocking both of them to the floor.

The other YMIR fired a rocket at a fleeing Quarian woman, and Shepard sprang into action. He Blinked several times in quick succession, appearing and disappearing multiple times so quickly that the YMIR he had been fighting couldn’t even track him. He even looked like he left some afterimages behind! He scooped her up and leapt five meters into the air with a Biotic-assisted jump. He threw her at Miranda, who caught her with her own Biotics and set her down gently. Without missing a beat, he grabbed the rocket with his Biotics, slowing it down and then throwing it right back at the YMIR.

The explosion rocked it, but its shields held. With the Quarians safe and out of the zone, Shepard activated his Annihilation. The glowing purple field surrounded him, and he fell to the ground. The field immediately engulfed the YMIR, shredding its shields slowly. But more importantly, it primed the mech. Shepard’s fist hit the ground, and his Nova erupted, blowing his Barriers outward. The YMIR’s shields shattered instantly, scorching its armor as well from the Biotic detonation. The explosion was so strong the other YMIR also reeled, though its shields held strong despite the close proximity. He Charged again, drawing in Dark Energy and recharging his shields as he did so, this time knocking the YMIR over from the sheer force. It tried to bring its cannon to bear, but Shepard had gotten his shotgun off his back, stepped on its chest, and blew its head off with Inferno rounds.

He quickly Blinked to the side as the YMIR let off a high-pitched beeping and then detonated, blowing all of the crates near it over. He released his Annihilation and raised another Backlash. His shield held firm as the gunfire from the other YMIR reflected back at it, shredding its own armor. The gun hissed as the heatsinks extended into the air to cool down. Shepard raised his shotgun and blasted it with hellfire, the inferno rounds lighting the large mech on fire. A Lance tore some of his shields apart, but detonated the fire engulfing the mech. The conflagration was so bright Jacob and Miranda had to shield their eyes. The YMIR looked half melted, its gun was slag, and the rocket launcher was misfiring. Shepard decided it was time to end it.

He reached behind his shoulder and grabbed a sword not unlike the Asari blades that Huntresses carried. He bent his knees and used a technique he had created himself, which basically combined the sheer speed and time dilation of Charge and directional versatility of Blink. He sliced through the YMIR, once, twice, three times in slow motion. The machine didn’t even appear harmed.

To the onlookers, it was like a dozen glowing purple slashes appeared out of nowhere in midair engulfing the mech, with Shepard nowhere to be seen. And then Shepard appeared again, facing them, and walking towards them. Over his shoulder, he sheathed his blade, and the second it clicked into its sheath, the glowing biotic slashes seemed to erupt. The YMIR was diced into several dozen different parts, all of them springing apart as if they were spring-loaded. They crashed into the frozen ground and some of them exploded, though not nearly as powerfully as the first fallen mech.

Miranda, Jacob, and the Quarians gaped at him, jaws on the floor. Shepard stopped a few feet from them, “Any questions?”

Prazza wobbled and fell over in a dead faint.