This Month’s Schedule/ a weird thing (Patreon)

Hi everyone! This month I am doing a series of episodes which will require a pretty rigorous recording/editing schedule! I won’t have time to upload new vlogs with the same frequency this month, so you won’t be seeing the chaotic crying weirdo you have come to hate, I mean love. But you will be hearing me on the pod ALOT - sorry.

Also, this is just a weird thing that’s on my mind and idk how to feel about it so I am going to trauma dump on you guys and maybe someone will have insight. My friend and I submitted my sci-fi script to a screenplay competition to be produced. We shot a trailer ( I funded it ) for proof of concept and made a “pitch video” to fulfill the competition requirements. The results of the contest won’t be announced until next year.

Now, my friend called me and told me she wants to get this project produced and film in July. The reason she wants to film in July is so that the project will be finished by the end of her semester and she can use it to pitch as part of her senior thesis in film school. She would pitch it to be made into a series or a feature film. The project would take a week of filming (in GA to save money) and the final film would be 15 minutes long. It will cost about $65,000.00 (WHAT THE FUCK!)

When I looked at the page, godundme recommended other pages to fund medical treatments for children and I just felt like shit about it. I told her I feel really cringe about asking people for that much money to make a short film. I know people do it, but I still feel really guilty about it. People I know who spend that much on their shorts have deep pockets and/or industry parents who can get them favors.

I feel that the likelihood of any indie project with no “big names” attached getting picked up is slim so it’s not a solid investment. Also, I am afraid that it will flop and then people will be like wtf I wasted my money.

To be clear, I don’t have a problem taking $ from people if I feel like I am providing a service or it’s a mutually beneficial arrangement. I have been a hustler in the past and I’ve made ends meet when I needed to whether it was dancing, teaching Pilates, having a spicy ig page, or selling videos of my feet scrunching. I feel zero shame about that and I have no qualms about taking money for services rendered.

But I feel a deep uneasiness about sharing the go fundme page for the short. Maybe it is because I am insecure. Isn’t it weird that I value my intellectual property less than my physical body? Maybe it’s because 65k is a lot.

My friend told me that if I could see what trash the other people in her class are producing with even bigger budgets that I would feel better about the possibilities ahead. She said she really believes in my talent and that the industry is starved for new voices and ideas like mine, but literally producers are trained to say that shit to directors and talent.

I guess do you guys think I’m being too sensitive?? Should I just say fuck it and embarrass myself to make something that might flop? Is my gut reaction just me being a huge pussy? Is everyone just trying to produce something so they can have a job? What would bingus do? Might delete this bye

Nat