Hermione and the Watch Part 22 (Patreon)

Remus blinked as he was hit with a wave of dizziness and a cake appeared in front of him. “Did you just hit me with a stunner?” He frowned as he read the message the frosted dog left in the white frosting. “Cured? Is this your idea of a joke Sirius?” he asked with annoyance.

Tonks blinked a couple times, feeling a little out of it herself. “How the hell?”

Sirius shook his head. “Your fuzzy little problem is the one thing I don’t joke about.”

“Bullshit, several people still think I had a badly behaved rabbit thanks to you and James.”

“Fair, but I wouldn’t joke about a cure,” Sirius said as he studied the cake.

Selena grinned as she picked up her silver spoon and touched the flat part to her father’s wrist. “Neat, he actually managed to pull it off.”

Remus glanced down at the piece of silver touching his wrist. “Fake silver?”

“Nope, you’re cured, it’s a miracle,” Beth said with a snicker.

“How the hell?” Remus asked.

“Officially? No clue. Unofficially? I’m guessing Harry,” Sirius said with amusement as he looked at Tonks, rather proud of Harry for figuring out how to cure Remus. 

“What makes you think it was Harry?” Tonks asked, not sure how she felt about Harry winning the bet. 

“How many people know about my animagus form and can get into the house?” Sirius asked with amusement.

“Outside of us? Pretty much just the order, the Weasleys, Hermione and Harry,” Remus admitted.

“Exactly. The twins wouldn’t dare pull this type of thing just for a joke. Besides, they’re at Hogwarts.”

“So is Harry,” Tonks pointed out.

“Maybe but no one else even hinted that they were working on a cure.”

Remus shook his head. “That seems a hell of a risk just to cure me.”

Sirius snorted. “Don’t take this the wrong way but I’m fairly sure curing you was just a happy byproduct of getting to go on a date with Tonks.”

“They pulled off the impossible for a date?” Remus asked in disbelief.

“I’d do it if it got me a date with Tonks,” Beth said happily.

“Yep,” Selena agreed as she playfully leered at Tonks.

Tonks sighed as she realized Remus wouldn’t have bothered trying. ‘To hell with it, if he doesn’t want me, maybe I should talk to Selena and Beth about Harry.’

“Either way, this calls for a celebration.” Sirius smirked at his friend. “Drinks and lots of them.”

“What about Harry?” Remus asked.

“What about him? If he’d wanted us to know, he’d have mentioned it. Besides, we can’t prove that he did it or was even here. You’ve got two choices, hit a muggle bar with me or get sloshed on old firewhiskey that might or might not be poisoned.”

Selena snickered. “I vote firewhiskey, that way I can take pictures.”

“Blackmail!” Beth smirked.

“How are you so calm about this?” Remus demanded.

Sirius snorted. “Because you’re cured, now stop acting like a prat before I hex you.”

Tonks shook her head as she realized Remus wasn’t worth pursuing, at least not until he got over his curse being cured. “Take the win Remus, I’ll pick up some firewhiskey that Kreacher hasn’t poisoned.”

Remus sighed as he realized he wasn’t going to get any decent answers until the morning anyways. “Fine, I’ll get the shot glasses.”

Sirius laughed. “That’s the spirit!”

“I’ll get the camera!” Beth said as she dashed out of the room while Tonks headed for the fireplace.

“I’ll cut the cake!” Selena said excitedly as she bounced up to grab a knife.

Sirius relaxed slightly as he saw the brief grin on his friend’s face. ‘Thanks Harry, I was starting to think I’d never get him back.’

0o0o0

Hermione sat down on the couch. “We really should look into eating an owl so we can pick up the ability to find people. It would be nice to be able to get to the island.”

Hedwig turned and looked at Hermione then flew over and landed on her arm.

“Hi…” Hermione trailed off as she found herself in the middle of a room that she’d only seen in photographs surrounded by eight people she’d only seen in photographs. “Uh, hello?”

James Potter blinked as the phoenix vanished in a burst of flames leaving the bushy haired girl standing in the middle of the living room. “Hermione, right?”

“James?” Hermione asked as she studied the brown eyed man young man wearing shorts and a t-shirt that looked maybe five or six years older than Harry. “You haven’t aged a day have you?”

He shrugged. “Not enough to matter.”

“Is Harry coming?” Lily asked hopefully.

“No clue, this wasn’t exactly a planned trip,” Hermione admitted as she glanced over Harry’s sisters. Now that she was actually looking at Rose in person, the resemblance to Ginny wasn’t quite as bad, though they could still pass as siblings or possibly even each other in a dim room. The twins looked adorable. She frowned slightly as she looked at the red haired triplets. “Shouldn’t your hair be brown?”

“Only on tuesdays,” Claudette said with amusement.

Laurette nodded. “That’s what cosmetic charms are for.”

Bell grinned, excited to see a new face. “They also like purple.”

“So, how many good pranks have you played recently?” Dora asked curious if Harry had followed in the family tradition.

“Does hooking Sirius up with Remus’s teenage daughters count as a prank or is that just a happy accident?” Hermione asked with amusement.

“Remus got married?!” Lily exclaimed in disbelief.

James laughed. “I’d like to say that Sirius wouldn’t do that, but I know him.”

“How old are his daughters?” Rose asked, looking forward to meeting her parents’ old friends.

Hermione shrugged. “Fifteen or sixteen.”

“Ouch, he broke the age rule,” James said with a wince.

“The age rule?” Hermione asked.

“Half your age plus seven,” Lilly explained.

“Well to be fair he was in prison for quite a while and we did dump the twins on him so we could get a break,” Hermione said. “They are half Vela.”

“So they are prudes?” Lily asked confused.

“Prudes?”

“Yes, you see due to their aura they tend to be quite uptight,” Lily explained. “When everyone tries to get in your knickers every moment of every day you tend to get quite reserved.”

Hermione shook her head. “Yeah, they’re basically the exact opposite. We rescued them and they have been… quite thankful, to the point where we could use a bit of a break. Plus keeping them around the school was just asking for trouble.”

“Rescued them?” James asked.

“Enslaved,” Hermione said, not wanting to go into details.

“OK, I can see where Sirius could be excused from breaking the age rule if it was at their insistence,” James allowed. “What about them being Remus’ children?”

“No one had any idea until they saw Remus’ mustache and recalled a picture their mum had on the mantle.”

“His mustache?” Rose asked in disbelief.

Lily laughed. “Yeah, I can see that, his stache was hideous.”

“It’s a classic,” James argued. “I don’t know why you won’t let me grow one.”

“It tickles too much, so unless you want me to cut you off, no lip ferret for you!”

“Yes, dear,” James said amused.

“Tell us about Harry!” Rose said excitedly.

“What would you like to know?” Hermione replied.

“Everything!”

“OK, that may take some time,” she replied with a smile.

“We’ve got time,” Lily pointed out.

“Maybe it would be quicker for me just to bring him here,” Hermione said thoughtfully. “Give me just a second.” She vanished in a burst of flame.

“I didn’t see any phoenix, did you?” James asked, causing all the girls to shake their heads in stunned silence.

There was another burst of flame and Hermione appeared, carrying Harry bridal style.

“Why… Mum, Dad?!” Harry exclaimed.

Hermione and Harry were quickly buried under a pile of Potters as Lily cried and clutched them both and James laughed wildly, the girls squealing for all they were worth.

It was several minutes before everyone could get untangled and comfortably seated around the living room with Harry sandwiched between Hermione and Rose.

“This was much easier than I thought it would be,” Harry said happily. “I had a number of thoughts on how to get here, but… I guess we can skip them.”

“How did you get here?” James asked.

“Dark magic,” Harry said solemnly, curious as to how they would react considering all the secrets he held and deciding to test them.

“Well all that matters is it worked,” James said unconcerned.

Harry smiled and rolled his eyes, an unseen weight lifting off his shoulders. “Hermione is a phoenix animagus,” he said dropping the joke.

“What seriously?” the twins exclaimed wide eyed.

“No, it’s dark magic,” Hermione said with a chuckle.

Lily glanced between Hermione and Harry, rather amused at their byplay. “This is going to be a thing isn’t it?”

“Kinda, and a secret,” Harry admitted, “but animagus is a close… Ok, not really close at all. Hermione has phoenix-like traits, which we won’t talk about, or at least about how she got them.”

“Zeus?” Dora offered brightly.

“What?” Hermione asked, not sure how a probably fictional god tied into things.

“I think she is asking if a phoenix knocked up your mum,” Bell explained.

“Not that I know of,” Hermione said with amusement. “Though it would explain some things.”

“OK, simple non-prosecutable explanation-” Harry began.

“He takes after me,” James interrupted proudly.

“Was it difficult and required a lot of research?” Lily asked hopefully.

“A lot,” Harry agreed, “and some magical artifacts, some accidents, some public nudity…”

“OK, he takes after us both,” Lily allowed.

“Public nudity?” Rose asked with a grin, squeezing Harry’s hand. “So, you aren’t bound up like all the rest of the people in that Wizarding place are?”

“Not really,” Hermione replied, “I like to think we are pretty casual about such things.”

“Oh good!” the triplets chorused and started stripping. 

“We had-” Claudette began.

“-to wear all this stuff-” Laurette continued.

“- for the photos we were sending you,” Paulette finished as they stripped down to just some light underthings.

“Do you know how hard it was to find pictures of us in clothes?” Dora grumbled, tossing her shirt at Bell who batted it back and added her skirt.

“Girls, just because he’s comfortable with a little skin, doesn’t mean he’s going to be fine with his family flashing him,” James warned them. “The wizarding world still has some rather strong taboos and the muggle world where he was raised even more.”

The girls turned as one to Harry.

“It’s fine, I just want you to be comfortable around me,” he assured them. “Besides, Remus’ daughters burned out the rest of our modesty.”

“Good,” Rose said, clutching Harry’s arm to her chest and leaning against him. “I’ve wanted to meet you forever!”

“Back to the explanation,” Lily asked as the triplets started unlacing Harry’s shoes and pulling them off.

“Well,” Harry lifted up so they could pull his pants off while Rose undid his shirt, “we know a ritual that would probably get us burned at the stake because of the power it grants and used it to give Hermione and my owl Hedwig, phoenix-like traits.”

“I could see that being something the majority of the wizarding world would kill for,” James agreed.

“And did you use it on yourself?” Lily asked.

“Yes, do you get to do the flaming thing now too?” Bell asked excitedly.

“No, I took on traits of a thestral,” Harry explained.

“What’s a thestral?” Paulette asked.

“They don’t have any on the island,” Lily explained, “so they wouldn’t know about them. Care of magical creatures tends towards creatures that are actually around to be cared for here.”

“Ah,” Harry said. “Well, a thestral is a magical horse… Why are you all staring at my crotch?”

“Harry, did you choose a thestral to…” Lily said delicately.

“Expand your manhood,” James said cheerfully, completely unconcerned with embarrassing his son.

“No, there was no need for that,” Hermione replied with a snicker at the way his sisters’ eyes widened. She couldn’t resist joining in the playful family teasing.

“I actually haven’t noticed a difference there,” Harry said with a shrug, “and I chose a thestral because it shares some traits with me already.”

“I’ll say,” Hermione said playfully with a smirk, overjoyed to see how well he was fitting in with the family that had been denied him as a child. She’d thought they’d have had to wait until they’d had a family of their own to see him like this, so happy and carefree.

“I don’t think Unicorn would have fit all that well and there were no pegasi around, so I thought of thestrals,” Harry explained. “They are pretty misunderstood by the wizarding world and blamed for things they have no connection to, so I chose them.”

“You get blamed for a lot of things?” Rose asked softly, snuggling tightly against him.

“You have no idea,” Hermione said with a sigh. “Savior one minute, Villain the next.”

“You should have seen the idiots in second, thinking I opened the Chamber of Secret, just because I was a parselmouth,” Harry complained.

“Never could find that,” James said. “We looked a couple times before figuring it was just a rumor.”

“You can access it through the bathroom where Moaning Myrtle bit it,” Harry said. 

“Pareselmouth?” James asked curiously. “I don’t recall that talent being in our bloodline. Lils?”

Lily shook her head. “Petunia is a backstabbing snake, but no, no magic bloodline here.”

“I knicked it off Voldemort, according to Dumbledore but then he is old as dirt and more than a little mad. I think it’s more likely mum dug up Slytherin’s corpse and performed a dark ritual,” Harry said straining to keep a straight face.

“How did you find out about that?!” Lily asked sounding shocked.

“What?!” Harry exclaimed.

“Gotcha,” Lily said with a grin. “I married a marauder, you’ll have to do better than that,” she teased.

Harry stuck his tongue out making her laugh. “As a side effect of bouncing a death curse off my head, I had a shred of Voldemort’s soul in me until we got rid of it using a ritual. Thankfully, I kept parseltongue.”

“Thankfully?” Paulette asked.

“Thankfully,” Hermione said, “it’s proven quite useful.”

“Getting into the Chamber and talking to snakes,” Harry added. “Besides, there’s nothing actually dark about the ability, just some of the more famous idiots that had it.”

“So what did it give you?” Claudette asked eagerly.

“A bit of magic, some strength,” Harry shrugged, “no idea really. Apparently we were enough alike that nothing new has really popped up.”

“No cool wandless abilities?” James asked with a pout.

“Let me borrow my arm,” Harry told Rose causing her to reluctantly release it. “Well, there is this.” Harry snapped his fingers and the elder Potters’ clothes dropped to the floor at his feet.

Rose quickly reclaimed his arm, pulling it around her while everyone laughed.

Hermione shook her head. “You had that ability before the ritual.”

“Exactly and thestrals have no fingers to snap so their rare magical talent of stripping people naked has gone completely undiscovered,” Harry said cheerfully.

“Harry has a number of wonderful talents and abilities,” Hermione said, “which mainly seem to center around whatever is needed to get him into the most trouble possible and then come through it by the skin of his teeth while rescuing any young maidens that happen to be in the area.”

“Is that why you have a harem?” Dora asked excitedly.

“I didn’t have to rescue any maidens third year…” Harry said, racking his brain, as he had driven off the dementors a few times and it was possible that he’d missed someone during it.

“Really? I’m pretty sure Buckbeak is female,” Hermione said with amusement.

“She is a beauty, but not my type,” Harry said, “and I will forgo the jokes about the number of times she has given me a ride.”

“Buckbeak?” Bell asked.

“You rescued a goblin?” Paulette asked curiously.

“Nope, hippogriff,” he corrected. “Had to jump back in time, rescue Sirus from some dementors before the Minister could have him kissed, and save her from getting her head cut off because Malfoys are complete wankers.”

“He doesn’t have a harem,” Hermione said, “just a number of girlfriends, of which I am the leader, head girl, mistress?”

“Something like that,” Harry agreed, “we have a number of female friends we are currently molesting and will be doing so for a number of years to come, possibly centuries.”

“Centuries?” James asked. “So you know about the lack of aging on the island?”

“The what?” Harry and Hermione chorused.

“Adults only age a day per year, maybe less…” Lily shook her head. “Aging is slowed here.”

“Where is here?” Hermione asked curiously.

“Atlantis,” James replied quickly, wanting to get the credit for making their jaws drop before Lily could.

“You’re shitting me,” Harry said.

“Eww, no,” Dora said, wrinkling her nose.

“They have classes on it and everything,” Bell added. “Ancient magical spell and poof! Out of phase magical land, safe from nomaj.”

“Nomaj?” Harry asked.

“Non-magicals,” Rose explained.

“That’s better than calling them muggles,” Hermione said, shaking her head.

“We’ll have to get that story from you later,” Harry said. “I just meant we could find a way to keep our friends alive for centuries with our evil dark magic.”

“That works too,” Lily said collecting everyone’s clothes and stacking them on a table with a wave of her hand, the mess annoying her.

“I’ve missed you,” Rose said, squeezing Harry.

“You just got to meet me,” Harry said with a smile hugging her back.

“Don’t try and logic me,” Rose said, “I’ve missed you my entire life. You should have been with us.”

“I should have,” Harry agreed, just before the Potters descended on him en masse once more, Rose refusing to give up her spot and when the tide receded he found Paulette on his lap as well.

Bell snickered, wondering how long it would take the triplets to switch out.

“How big a harem are you planning on having?” Claudette asked.

“Not a Harem,” Harry said, “that takes… Hermione help me here.”

“We’re not a harem, that implies a lopsided relationship,” Hermione explained.

“OK, then how many girls are planning on having?” Laurette asked brightly.

“All of them,” Harry said cheerfully, before laughing as the three closest girls tickled him. “All that show up,” he corrected himself.

“Good,” Rose said with a smug look on her face, “that sounds much more reasonable.”

“Tell us everything starting at the beginning,” Dora asked.

Harry shrugged. “I grew up in Surrey, a rather boring place. I was told my folks died in a crash crash but it could have been worse.”

“A car crash?” Lily sputtered.

“Petunia didn’t bother to tell me about magic, I had to find out when I got my letter…”

Four rather emotionally exhausting hours later, Harry finished with, “And that’s my life.”

“You know, you could just stay here, right?” Rose pointed out, still glued to his side, while the triplets had contented themselves with switching out every half an hour or so.

Lily shook her head. “You can’t expect him to completely upend his life.”

“Are you sure?” Bell asked. “The wizarding world sucks even more than you guys described!”

“I have to agree with Bell,” Dora complained. “He should stay here with us, forever!”

Harry shook his head. “I don’t have a problem moving here eventually, but I’m not done screwing with them yet. Besides, I still have things to learn.”

“That’s my boy,” Lily said enthusiastically.

“I have tried to emphasize how much a good education means,” Hermione said, getting an approving smile from Lily.

“Plus there are things that you can get there that don’t exist here,” James pointed out. “We’re still trying to reinvent the broom for instance. Quidditch will be a lot more fun when we manage to get some decent brooms designed.”

“Or we can buy them and bring them here,” Hermione said. “We aren’t limited to just staying in one place or the other.”

“Pizza!” Lily exclaimed.

James chuckled. “She’s been having a craving for nomaj food for years.”

“I have everything else I want, well except a metric ton or two of books,” Lily said.

Hermione grinned. “We happen to have a metric ton of books that need to be sorted and catalogued. Would you like to see?”

“Yes!” Lily exclaimed gleefully.

Harry glanced between Hermione and Lily. ”How about we take mum to get pizza and books? Do you have room for them here?”

“My library is a poor stunted thing,” Lily said, bounding to her feet. “Let’s go!”

“We can grab everything and be back in time for dinner,” Hermione said, looking forward to going through their collection with Harry’s mum.

“Clothes,” James said, knowing better than to get between his wife and new books. The island wasn’t completely bare of books, but ones from the last two millennia were rather hit or miss, leaving large gaps in what was available, though a number were filled in by people recreating books they had read, to the best of their ability.

“Not letting go, ever,” Rose said as she clung to Harry’s arm.

“How about to get dressed so you can come with us?” Hermione asked.

“I only need one hand,” Rose said smugly as she grabbed her skirt and started pulling it on with only one hand.

The girls snickered and laughed as Harry helped Rose get dressed using his free hand so that she could keep hold of him. 

“So what are we going to do about Sirius and Remus?” James asked as Lily and Rose finished getting dressed.

Hermione shrugged. “I was thinking about dropping them off so that you could explain what happened. It’s not like there is anything Harry or I could say that would possibly get them to believe us.”

“Just drop them off without word or explanation?” James asked in amusement. “I’ll put up welcome to the afterlife signs, let me know before you grab them.”

“Oh we could dress up like angels!” Claudette said enthusiastically.

Lily snorted. “They’d never believe it, devils are far more likely to be believed.”

“Devils could be fun,” Bell agreed.

Harry started laughing as he pictured the scene and the look on their faces.

James rubbed his chin in thought. “Okay, I’ve got it, you can take, Lily and Rose to grab pizza then, while we set things up then you can grab Sirius and Remus.”

“Works for me,” Hermione agreed, fairly sure that they’d get a kick out of it, once they got over their minor heart attacks anyway.