Myst at Hogwarts Part 2 (Patreon)

Myst scowled as he walked into the owl post office and was hit by the rancid stench of shit and far too many birds in an enclosed space. He quickly plugged his nose and walked over to the counter. “How much to send this to Hogwarts?”

“I can’t understand what you’re saying, you’ll have to take your fingers off your nose,” the clerk lied, not even bothering to hide his smirk.

Myst glared at the man behind the counter then turned and walked over to one of the older witches tying a letter to an owl. “Can you help me?”

The woman turned and looked at Myst. “I’m not staff.”

“Correct but you actually look like you know what you’re doing which is far better than the staff is doing, he doesn’t even know how to cast a basic cleaning charm or an air freshening charm.”

The older witch snorted, knowing the clerk was likely just using a bubble head charm so he didn’t have to smell the stench instead of doing his job which should have included cleaning the cages at least occasionally. “Ah Hogwarts, drop two knuts in the coin slot next to your owl of choice and hand it the letter and say Hogwarts.”

Myst pulled two knuts out of his pocket then dropped them in the slot and handed the owl his letter confirming his attendance. “Hogwarts.”

“See, easy,” the witch said as she turned and left.

“Thanks.” Myst resisted the urge to flip the clerk off as he walked out of the office, mostly because it wasn’t worth antagonizing him on the off chance that he actually needed to use the post office. ‘You’re just lucky I can’t set you on fire with my mind.’ He scowled when someone bumped into him and kept walking without offering even a token apology. ‘Yeah, figuring out how to set people on fire with my mind might be useful.’

Myst frowned slightly as he glanced at the entrance to Knockturn Alley. ‘It can’t be that bad if they put up with it being right off Diagon Alley and it’s the middle of the day which means it shouldn’t be that bad.’ He watched the entrance to the alley as he considered his options. ‘Do I need anything from the alley that justifies walking into a potential deathtrap? House elves, books and the vanishing cabinet. Not to mention this is probably the last summer I can get away with a hat as a disguise.’

‘Okay, nothing ventured, nothing gained.’ Myst stood up straight and pretended that he had every right to walk down the street then walked into Knockturn Alley. He wasn’t all that surprised to see some disreputable people in cloaks walking around but most of them looked busy with their own problems. He stopped in front of Borgin and Burkes then reached into his shoulder bag and pulled his dragonhide gloves out. ‘Hopefully this keeps me from getting cursed or poisoned until I can get someone to check the loot for curses,’ he thought as he pulled the gloves on then walked in.

Borgin looked at the kid that walked into his shop wearing dragonhide gloves. ‘Smarter than most of the idiots that come here.’ “What are you doing here?”

“Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies, but what do people usually do in your shop?”

“They buy things,” Borgin replied snidely.

“Exactly,” Myst replied as he walked over to the closest bookshelf and started looking at the titles. He wasn’t terribly impressed with the collection, most of the books seemed to fall into the how to be stupid evil category though the book on dark magic foci looked interesting enough to grab on the off chance it wasn’t drek. ‘Noggin’s Guide to Curse Breaking. Huh, yeah, that’s going in my pile.’ He grabbed the two books off the shelf, being careful not to touch them except with the gloves. He glanced around the shop as he ‘casually’ made his way over to the vanishing cabinet that he wanted.

He spent a minute looking over the cabinet then turned to look at Borgin. “How much for the cabinet?”

“More than you can afford kid,” Borgin replied honestly.

“Fine, how much for the damned vanishing cabinet?” Myst asked as he shook his gold pouch. 

“A hundred and fifty galleons for the cabinet,” Borgin said with a smirk, knowing the little bastard must have known what it was.

“That would be the price for two of them,” Myst replied, “I only see one here.”

Borgin shrugged. “That’s why it’s only one fifty. If I had both I’d charge nearly a grand, each.”

Myst frowned. “Well… one alone is pretty useless, but I want to study the enchantments on it, since no one knows how to make the bloody things anymore. It’s useless as it is and is only taking up space you could be using to sell stuff. Fifty.”

“One hundred,” Borgin countered. “It’s not like you are going to find one anywhere else.”

“So… seventy-five?” Myst haggled.

“Spend at least another sixty in shop and you have a deal,” the old man agreed.

‘Sixty galleons, yeah okay, I can do that.’ Myst glanced at the bookshelf. “Do you have a copy of Moste Potente Potions?”

Borgin lips curled up into an attempt at a smile. “Decent taste.”

“I’m going to Hogwarts so I’ll need to bribe some people, what’s your porn collection like?”

“Bribes, right,” he said with an amused smirk.  “So, human females?” he asked absently as he went into the back to retrieve the books.

“What else? No, don’t answer that. Some Vela would be fine, possible a naga or centaur as well, but mostly just witches,” Myst said quickly.

“How about sphinx?”

Myst stopped and considered that. “Do you have a sampler?”

0o0o0

Myst looked over the two house elves that were a little questionable, one looked like a house elf version of a little old Russian grandmother and the other looked fairly young though he wasn’t sure what that amounted to in house elf years. The grandmother was wearing a pillowcase that had been turned into a dress with some expert stitching and a sash made from something else that actually managed to make her look mostly respectable. The younger house elf on the other hand was sort of bouncing on the balls of her feet, looking more than a little excited at the prospect of getting a family which made him want to grab her before a monster like Malfoy got his hands on her.  

The middle aged clerk glared at the house elf girl wearing a bright multicolored pillowcase with distaste. “As you can see, the girl isn’t completely trained yet. You should go with a proper house elf.” The clerk gestured at an older, sort of hollow eyed house elf standing rigidly off to his left.

Myst glanced at the clerk that was trying to talk up the more proper and expensive house elf. He wasn’t all that interested considering the price and the fact that he looked old and broken and not in a good way like Dobby who just wanted to be paid. “Sorry, Dad wanted someone that can cook and sew and make excellent cookies and Mum wanted someone she could train. I’ll take the pair.”

The clerk sighed. “Make sure you keep them in line, I find a couple good kicks now and then usually does it.”

“Mum considers it bad form to kick members of the family and staff,” Myst said, having to resist the urge to reach out and strangle the guy.

“To each their own,” the clerk replied absently as he finished filling out the paperwork and collecting the processing fee.

Myst wasn’t sure how to feel about the old house elf and girl swearing to serve him and his family until such time as they received clothes but the alternative was worse. He watched the clerk and Igor leave to file the proper paperwork, which mostly amounted to, Nana and Petal found a home and the appropriate fee was paid. “Now that that’s done, let's get ice cream. What’s your favorite flavor?”

“Toad and Pickle,” the girl said excitedly.

Myst blinked. “As in real toads?”

Petal scraped her tongue in distaste. “Yuck, it’s lime sherbet with tiny chocolate frogs in it.”

“That’s a relief,” Myst admitted with a laugh.

The old house elf waited a couple seconds to see if he was going to laugh at the idea of an old house elf getting ice cream then said, “Chocolate.”

“Excellent, to the ice cream shop!” Myst said cheerfully as he headed toward the exit of the Diagon Alley office that ‘helped’ house elves find new families. ‘Hopefully I can figure out a way to explain house elves to Hermione in a way that keeps her from going ballistic when she finds out.’

0o0o0

Myst tapped his duster with his wand and watched in amazement as it jumped off his shoulders and turned back into a canvas tent. ‘Magic is awesome!’

“Going to have to clean that,” Nana noted with a pleased smile, before taking a lick off her ice cream cone. 

“I’m not in a hurry, you’re more than welcome to finish your ice cream before worrying about it,” Myst offered.

“The day Nana can’t clean and eat ice cream at the same time, is the day she is in a coffin,” Nana replied firmly.

“Clean!” Petal squealed as she darted into the tent to see what needed cleaning.

“She’ll get better,” Nana promised.

“Not to worry, I like enthusiasm,” Myst assured her as he stepped into the tent and looked around. Now that he was paying attention, it looked a lot like a hunting lodge complete with a bear skin rug in front of the fireplace and various animal heads mounted on the walls. He glanced at the large kitchen then over at the full sized ballroom that looked completely out of place. “Yeah, even when wizards get it right, they still get it wrong.”

“Wee!” Petal exclaimed as she started cleaning the long disused kitchen. A thick layer of dust covering most of the floor and appliances all of which looked to have come straight out of a 50’s americana display.  

“Retro,” Myst muttered before continuing his explorations.

Myst sighed in relief as he opened the closest door to the entrance. He was a touch surprised by the almost pool style shower, with waist high redwood benches and oaken walls with a series of shower heads pointing from every one of them. “Probably for cleaning whole groups of hunters at once. Well, at least they won’t track mud everywhere this way.”

He walked back out, noting how Nana was calmly explaining how best to clean the various surfaces using magic. ‘At least they’re having fun,’ he thought as he walked to the door and opened it. He blinked as he saw a beyond king size canopy bed and what was probably hundreds of thousands of pounds of old fashioned Victorian furnishings. “And I got this for just a few galleons,” he muttered in disbelief. He glanced at the dust on the sheet. “Yeah, that’s going to have to be replaced or at least thoroughly cleaned.”

He walked over and looked in the closets and shook his head. “Of course, they’re expanded beyond all sense of reason.” He turned and walked over to the door that led to a ‘private’ bathroom with a bathtub large enough for several people, provided they were friendly enough. “H.G. you really knew how to live it up.”

He turned and headed back to the main room and checked the next door and wrinkled his nose slightly as he detected more than a trace of tobacco smoke. He grinned as he noticed the wet bar, the comfortable chairs and the bookcases lining the walls. “Yeah, someone had style. Hopefully they can get the smell out of the walls and furniture but at least I’ll have a decent reading room.”

He turned and walked back out then checked the next two bedrooms. One seemed fairly ‘normal’ for a big game hunter from that time period or at least it would have without the large portrait on the wall that looked suspiciously like Sean Connery, dressed up like a big game hunter next to a young woman with long dark hair in a dress that wouldn’t have seemed out of place in the alley.

He glanced at the bathroom that looked normal enough then headed back to the next room. He blinked in surprise as he opened the door and saw an ebony coffin on a raised dais in a white marble room. “Yeah, this can’t be good.” He drew his wand as he cautiously approached the coffin, ready to scream or wet himself, depending on which seemed more useful. “I really wish I’d studied some sunlight charms… if they exist.”

With a trembling hand he reached for the edge of the lid when Petal zipped in, tossed back the lid and gestured with a single hand causing a bare trace of dust to rise up and vanish.

“Teddy!” she said excitedly, snatching up a small stuffed animal from inside the coffin before vanishing out the door once more.

“Manhood has taken a serious hit captain,” Myst muttered. “Response?” He scratched his chin. “Read porn and pretend this never happened.” He nodded to himself. “Make it so, Number one.” Sure, he knew he was being silly but he also knew that vampires existed. It was one thing to be afraid of the dark when you could be fairly sure monsters didn’t exist but it was quite another thing when you knew they did.

“At least I’m not in Buffy,” he said brightening up. He made a mental note to look into vampires and everything that went bump in the night so that he’d be prepared as he headed back into the main room.

0o0o0

Myst stepped out of the tent and glanced around the hotel room. “My tent is better.” He tapped the tent with his wand and it turned back into a leather duster that hung comfortably on his shoulders. He stopped in front of the mirror. “This would look cooler if I wasn’t so damned short.” He posed. “Harry Dresden erm... Potter, P.I.” He sighed. “I really need some height.” 

He headed out the door, down the stairs and back into the alley, glad that he didn’t have to wait for anyone to open the barrier now that he had his wand. He was surprised and delighted to find a bushy haired young witch that looked remarkably like a young Emma Watson already waist deep in books inside Flourish and Blotts. He pulled out his copy of the muggleborn pamphlet and wandered over to see what she was looking at.

Hermione blinked as she noticed the pamphlet the boy with flyaway hair had placed on the page she was reading. “Muggleborn Guide?”

Myst shrugged. “One of the shopkeepers was nice enough to give me a copy because I didn’t grow up in the wizarding world.”

“I didn’t either,” she admitted.

“I can tell, we’re like tourists in our own country,” Myst said companionably. “It is the strangest feeling, almost like time traveling but without the grinding noise and bump at the end.”

Hermione giggled, her face lighting up in a smile. “Hermione Granger,” she said offering a hand.

“Harry, but you can call me Harry,” Harry replied leaning over and kissing her hand with his best attempt at imitating Sean Connery, causing her to giggle and blush.

“So what’s with the pamphlet?” she asked.

“Basically there are some weird magical objects, potions and oaths that could be a problem that no one really bothers to explain because they assume you know or maybe they don’t care. I’m a little fuzzy on that part.” He handed her the pamphlet having already copied it and his updated version of it complete with an index he’d written to cover what he knew they missed. “That should help, hopefully you can make the third version and pass it on yourself once you’ve gotten your feet under you.”

“I have a number of questions that Professor McGonagall implied I’d find out at some point, but she wasn’t really forthcoming having nearly a dozen students to look after,” Hermione admitted.

“Well, maybe we can find out the answers together,” Harry suggested, “I could use a friend.”

“I could use a friend as well,” she agreed, beyond pleased that she had made the right choice in choosing to join the magical world, as she’d already made her first friend!

“Let’s start by showing you where some additional book sources are,” Harry said in a whisper, trying not call attention to the fact that he was trying to get her to buy at least some of her stuff elsewhere. “Buying school books is fine, but there is so much more to read and explore than they carry here.”  

“Really?” Hermione asked as her eyes lit up.

“Used bookstores,” Harry said smugly, “and a bookbag of holding, well, expansion and featherlight charms.”

“I can carry all of my books with me?” Hermione asked hopefully.

“That’s the idea,” Harry replied happy to see the honest enthusiasm on her face. It’d be nice to be able to study with someone who thought magic was as awesome as he did. “We have two shops to hit, one is a secondhand shop so we can also grab a bookbag pre-charmed and poke through whatever books ended up there, then we can hit the used bookstore, which is mostly books with a few odds and ends that only make sense to wizards and witches.”

“Like what?” Hermione asked following him out of the store.

“Sunglasses, self stirring spoons, and socks,” Harry replied. “I have no idea why and the pamphlet was no help on that one either. Magic users are a strange lot.”

“Sounds like,” Hermione agreed, absently reading the pamphlet as they walked. “Have you found anything interesting?”

“Lots, I sort of went a bit overboard. I picked up the first through third year books and some extra reference guides for Charms, Defense, and potion ingredients that should really be on the class list. I’m not sure if the Professor will cover the tables or charts, but it’s best to be prepared.”

“I like being prepared,” Hermione agreed, happy to have found someone that understood what it was like to be tossed into a strange new world without a map.

The older woman smirked as Harry walked in with a girl, both of them smiling broadly. “I see you’ve brought a friend. Is there something I can help you with?”

“A shoulder bag and some books,” Harry replied, happy that the shopkeeper hadn’t said anything embarrassing. 

The shopkeeper smiled as she waved him toward the section that had the bags. “You know where to find things.”

“Of course,” Harry said as he led the way to the section that had the shoulder bags.

“You’ve been here a couple times, haven’t you?” Hermione asked with amusement.

“Every time I need a new book,” Harry admitted as he started sorting through the bags. “See anything you like?”

“The red one looks nice,” Hermione said after she glanced at the various bags.

Harry handed her the bag. “Try it on and see how it feels.”

“I wouldn’t have even thought about grabbing a magic bag,” Hermione admitted as she tested the weight and feel of the bag on her shoulder. “That’s pretty light.”

“Yeah, magic is awesome,” Harry agreed with a grin. “Now for the books,” he said gleefully as he lead her to the section that had the used school books. “Are we looking for books that have already been carefully underlined or are we looking for books that don’t have any markings?”

Even though she knew that her mother had highlighted her college books, it still seemed wrong to deface a book. “No highlighting unless it’s particularly cheap and well done, then I’ll get an extra.“

“Sounds reasonable,” Harry agreed as he started looking through the books to see what he could find, happy that he’d have at least one reasonably sane person on his side this year.

Hermione for her part was just happy that Harry seemed almost as crazy about books as she was. “What is your favorite shop other than the bookstores?”

“That’s a tough one, I’d have to say the apothecary shop.”

“Why?” Hermione asked as she carefully flipped through a first year charms book that looked almost new.

“Because magic is awesome and mad scientists could do things that looked like magic.” Harry set a potions book on a chair. “This one looks almost new.”

“Thanks.” Hermione grinned as she glanced down at the price tag on the potions book. ‘A bit less than a quarter of the original price, that means I can get three times as many books at this rate.’