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Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we do some cute thing, some little joke that makes you smile a bit but doesn’t overshadow the rest of Appreciation Day. You get it. We’re in a hurry today.

You guys rule, but we have to prove it QUICK. There is so much to get to.

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner - but buddy, you gotta keep it pithy today!

Perfect, short, savage. Everyone else in this article: be like Sissyneck.

You hear that, Comments Section?

Aw, that’s cute, Pee-Wee’s Uncle! That was in response to our Yesterday podcast, but you’re actually doing 50 First Dates here - the one where Adam Sandler tricks a head trauma patient into sex, over and over again.

Lydia found a terrible book about making women cum by a man(?) named Bigfoot Lincoln. That’s the perfect joke setup, but I’m telling you: Make it snappy, guys. You’ve got one paragraph, tops.

One sentence, love to see it Matt Edwards!

Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! We’ve got time for one ape, Gellaho - make it good!

Fuck yeah, Science Ape. Some gorillas went extinct when Gorilla Flow destroyed their food supply, and some just joined the winning side.

Let’s get to the Discord, but keep things punchy, folks!

Rachel watched The Rapture with us for a Meat Party.

Great, quick work and a ringing endorsement from Rachel!

No fat on that one. Ferrody, Javo, FancyShark – you are cooking. One setup, three punchlines. This is incredible. The invention of the Hot Dog assembly line.

EveryZig, Agent, Mo, Octo – every single one on the same page. We are really pulling together here as a team.

Sid came to the Discord with a burning mystery and no answer to be found. Guys, I’m sorry, but you have an hour tops to crack this.

Two minutes, Mo! Holy shit! This is Hot Dog at its peak form, operating at 100% efficiency. No waste. This is a marathon runner that hasn’t pooped in a week.

M4Scyth, you said you wanted to completely dismantle Mountain Monsters based on the pig they caught in Hogzilla. We have a whole podcast about that, it took us two hours just to-

This is Taken. Everyone here has a particular set of skills that make them a nightmare to joke setups.

There’s still important work to be done. Big revelations. Grath?

One post. One simple question. And it blows up everything. The Fuck Ape from Blaby Games breached containment and tried to sell typewriters. What condensed madness!

If you missed the reveal episode, Brockway spent a year crafting an elaborate prank on Seanbaby called Ok Science. A massive, community-wide experiment to see if we could drive a totally undeserving man slightly insane with bad comedy.

Fatamatician summed it all up in one image, right at the start.

We did a Teamworking Day about Double Red Lucky, the wholesale distributor of grandma voodoo. It was too weird to engage with, even as a joke-

Haraka and Adrienne schooled us twice within ten minutes!

This is actually too fast. We’re approaching the Hot Dog Singularity. Maybe we should calm things down a bit, Yeyo.

Haha, what a perfect encapsulation of the mall ninja me-

Quick, efficient, beautiful Hot Dogging, Delta, moving on-

This has gone too far. Moving on again-

Good lord.

There’s still so much to go! There was even a new Dick Fight Island: Design Your Own Dickfighter contest! God, this is going to take forever. There’s no way a single image could perfectly sum up the entire thing.

Okay, breathe. This is overwhelming. It’s like being pinned down with machine gun fire, but every bullet is a hot dog. Let’s do one that’s a nice, slow burn, so we’re not too exhausted to appreciate the big reveal at the end.

Agent posted an extremely mid video of these catgirls dancing, and SunFisch took him to task for it.

Agent thought he’d call the bluff. He went all in on a catgirl dare, a classic rookie mistake. SunFisch took him for everything he had, which was only his dignity.

WARNING: If you’ve never seen a grown man get murdered by a dancing cat before, this video may contain upsetting images.

All right, glad we took that breather. We’re here. We’re centered and ready for the big reveal. It’s the most magnificent piece of art this little Hot Dog website has ever inspired.

What? No, not that. Sure, any other month. Yes, that would be the winner. That rules. But not this month. Because we were actually talking about-

LOOK AT OUR PACKAGES!

Thank god, thank the good lord in heaven we burned through everything to get here as fast as possible. It was all worth it.

Brett Ellefson obviously wins for the incredible Mountain Monsters / RRR mashup, but mostly for making Brockway’s package subtly but definitively larger than Seanbaby’s.

Congrats, Brett! You win this picture of martial arts master Jackie Chan looking bashful and proud of his cute little outfit.

It’s such a wildly out of character moment for him. There’s only this one photo like it in all of existence, and he’d probably kill you if he knew you had it. Take good care of it.

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll bash them over the head with Brockway’s subtly but definitively larger package.

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You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.

Comments

DeltaFoxtrot

my god. we're insane. but like the good kind. not the "we the jury find the defendant" kind

Matt Edwards

I appreciate the sentiment but have to question your judge of character.

Swift Justice

Racism is only a superpower against Captain Planet, and even then it takes a literal Hitler level to be effective. Say what you want about that show, but you tell me any other premise where they could get to do that.

Skebotron

Gary Busey Pet Judge begs to differ. Idiosyncratic Nerd Society Achieves Nitrate Excellence

Chris “Ace” Hendrix

I actually did a spit-take when I saw it. Like goddamn, it’s perfect.

Brendan McGinley

I appreciate you all so much, except on Appreciation Days, when your perverse humours are lain bare.

Jeff Orasky

Wow. I was wondering why we were speed running this one, but damn if it wasn't worth it. You are all some very talented individuals. Weird and perverse individuals, yes, but undeniably talented.

Lord Mo

SMH I could've shaved a full minute easy off of that video find if I hadn't foolishly looked up the Incredible Bongo Band version first

Bonnybedlam

Damn. I gotta get back on the discord.

Pee-Wee's Uncle

Adam Sandler didn't try and have sex with me. However, one of his tax dependents did kiss me once. I'm not kidding. I met Peter Dante once (look him up) and he was super drunk. He hugged me and kissed me on the forehead twice, then disappeared. Like all the other men in my life.

FancyShark

Congratulations, everyone!