Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Oops, it's Cat Week! (Patreon)
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Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we ride around in a zeppelin shaped like an amalgamation of our two hogs.
But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!
First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where 99 cents still buys you an Arizona Iced Tea and state law says you’re allowed to burn the Maverik down if it doesn’t.
The dictionary defines ‘bemused’ as “the mused that comes after amused.” Hope it helps!
Call 1-900-NECKTIST if you’re being attacked by a buddhist mothman. Yes, it’s a toll number. How much is your soul worth?
Now let’s move on to the Comments, where it’s apparently Cat Week.
Pee-Wee’s Uncle wasn’t wrong, we accidentally programmed four straight days worth of content that were not just about cats, but specifically about cats on drugs. We did this on the week of International Cat Day.
Again, none of that was intentional. A cat just walked across the keyboard of the alien computer running our simulation.
Vinegar Tom has had a disturbing revelation…
Don’t be like Vinegar Tom, the veil is there to hide a thing that sucks. Why do you want to see behind it?
Skebotron saw the Pillow Fight Championship and only had one question-
It was several hundred questions less than most of us.
Dinosaur Bacon answered our customer satisfaction survey about Brockway’s new Dogg Zzone AI Pun Experience, and has some really helpful feedback.
We heard your complaints - we’re giving green back! We will be taking red and blue instead.
It was a month of genuine, earnest Hot Dog compliments. Like Lyra had for Dennard-
Or Sean had for Merritt-
Or The Parallel Viewmaster had for Mike Drucker-
“I appreciate your naked despair” counts as a compliment in these troubled times.
Bonnybedlam is here with more ALFACTS! They’re facts! About Alf!
This has been Alf Facts: The facts about Alf you can’t unknow!
Skebotron was reading Swaim’s article about the Chuck E. Cheese archival website, accidentally delved too deep into the source material, and found yet another way the alien spacecat fucked up our simulation.
Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month!
It’s GOLD APE!
The standard by which the value of other apes are determined. Do you guys not use apes as currency? It’s the future. Seth Green was right in the wrong direction.
Now on to the Discord, where Beato found a completely real and notary public verified S Rob update:
Mo has never given up his pure, clean hatred for Charles Boyce’s Compu-Toon. This one nearly broke his mind.
Only Probe could help him heal.
As much as it was a weak of stoned cats and earnest compliments, it was also a week of savage Hot Dog Drags. Like that time Jordan Peterson wore the worst Fortnite skin.
Nobody is safe from a Hot Dog Drag. Not even high profile targets like the Post Traumatic Stress Mega Man Mascot.
Joe Rogan picked the wrong month to mess with the torso sliders.
Now it’s time to announce a winner, but what’s this? Oh my god, we have a tie! This month’s co-winners of Hot Dog Appreciation Day are Drugged Cats and Directionless Spite! Yes, cats too high to function in society, and effervescent aimless rage have had one hell one of a month. They really deserve this win, and now they get to care for this picture of martial arts legend Jackie Chan being bashfully proud of his cute little outfit.
There’s only one picture like it in existence! You two need to protect this, it would destroy Jackie Chan’s image as a hardened warrior if it ever got out.
You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll roast their strange clothing choices and torso length, because we have no productive outlet for the fury that systemic injustice instills in us.
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