Hot Dog Appreciation Day: The Thin Broth of Winners 🌠(Patreon)
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It’s a new year and you have to admit: This is some new bullshit! Listen, everybody wished this year would be different and it is our fault for not being more specific. All genies are pedantic assholes, and that’s the best case scenario. We may have actually stumbled into a Wishmaster situation on this one. But we’ve still got one thing going for us, and that’s you guys. Here’s all the brightness you’ve brought to our lives over the past few weeks. Or at least the hilarious darkness.
Let’s check in on The Comments.
First to Sissyneck Corner, where we keep our old tires and Airwolf coloring books, plus some Kool-Aid we’re trying to ferment into Kool-Shine.
Stefan Robak actually found a working copy of Marvel Questprobe’s The Hulk, and he succumbed to its surrealist nightmare logic long enough to beat the game. He’s almost certainly ruined as a human being now, but at least he can tell us how it ends:
Ah yes, all those times Hulk died to ANTS ATTACK EYES it was because he never tried the ultimate countermeasure: Closing them.
Djonin is really living up to his avatar:
While Katherine spills the dirt on the real reasons Sesame Street can never hang on to an intern.
You just can’t stop The Discord from inventing new TTRPGs:
After careful discussion, Seanbaby has decided to roll up a Spicy Mustard because he’s got a lotta kick, while Brockway’s playing a Fish Sauce since he secretly comes in everything.
Alpha Scientist Javo knows that no heathen playplace is complete without a certain graven idol:
The Discord also solved the mystery of the Japanese Dickbox. No, not the traditional ornate penis trap built using only wood joinery. No, no the Hardy Boys book banned from every state but Vermont. The other Mystery of the Japanese Dickbox.
Brockway’s favorite thing in the world is an expositional rap (stay for the end credits of Venom, everybody!), and Greg wrote one for the site:
While Adrienne wrote the christmas carol Fuck Ape deserved:
DC sure knows how to roll into a server:
That’s how you make an entrance. That, or naked on a dirtbike. The only two possible entrances.
We don’t know why all these idiots keep struggling to write a self defense manual for kids. Jakesy35 and Science God Q Alchemy cracked that shit in three sentences:
Swarm like pikmin, children. Swarm like pikmin.
There used to a thriving monkey-based movie economy before the fucking liberals banned human beings full-force punching monkeys straight in the face for comedy purposes. Harvey Penguini takes us back to a better time.
And finally, you just can’t gather a bunch of nerds in one place specifically built for nerds without getting nerdjuice everywhere:
We get the feeling nobody is going to come out a winner this year. Well, except for Adrienne and Greg, our first joint winners! Congratulations! It is simply impossible to choose between a rap that explains the plot of a Hot Dog themed website and a christmas carol about what Fuck Ape does to orifices during the holiday season. Since you’re both getting custody of the world’s most precious piece of art, hopefully you can police one another and prevent further vandalism. Unlike our last winner, Dr. W. Sanguine PhD PhD, who once again defaced a masterpiece.
Actually, you know what? We may not know art, but we know what we like. This isn’t bad. The ol’ Double-Phud is our first winner who will not be destroyed, but merely submerged in a thin broth made out of the previous winners, so that their scents will linger forever on the skin, throwing potential lovers and huffing bus perverts into an unfathomable despair at the merest whiff.
You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll blast them out into space and then position ourselves carefully to either side, building up fart velocity until we blur through time and slam into them so hard their atoms explode and form the basis of a new universe. Then we’ll make fun of that stupid universe and the dumb idiots it evolves.