Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Don Your Celtic Battle Garb (Patreon)
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Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard our local mirror stores installed splatterguards at exactly our waist height. They call them “dog gutters.” It’s our proudest accomplishment! But did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!
First let’s check in on Sissyneck corner, where he’s hung up the fancy Little Trees air fresheners -- we’re talking Peachy Peach, we’re talking Vanillaroma -- because he knows company is coming over.
Now on to the Comments Section. We’ll start with Seanbaby’s Satanic Ritual Abuse article, where the very trustworthily-named Skink looks out for the equally credible bloodyshovelpete.
Listen, nobody wants to hold a dick-eating intervention, they do it because they care.
1-900-🌭 is here to do nothing, absolutely nothing if not teach you about Estonian etiquette...
… and their ancient aboriginal art of Butthole Hollerin’.
Chris “Ace” Hendrix has been paying attention to the lessons we teach, and that’s why he’s been invited to one of Andres Koort’s exclusive Tagumine Kunst parties. Remember: Do not flush after the Pliiats Pritsima - it’s considered bad form!
On the Discord we’re -- holy shit, we’re still dunking on Ernest Cline? Dude’s like a “fun” art teacher at a school fair. Just volunteering for the Dunk Tank over and over like repeated victimization will make you love him. Science God Q Alchemy paid $1 for three balls, but he only needed one.
He also teams up with Djonin the Trash Mammal and Josh to crack Seanbaby’s secret code.
They’re all wrong, of course. The flickering mohawk is Seanbaby’s glowing weakspot. If you shoot it when he charges, he staggers, but watch out! Three stuns and he switches into his ultimate boss form, Gigababy.
If there’s one thing all of us at 1-900-🌭 can get behind, it’s the importance of literacy. Nobody knows that like gellaho, Prime Minister of Hell, who made us into the best faded poster in the school library.
Hobbes has acquired a unique set of skills, one that allows him to... track gay porn stars through the Cocktails trailer.
Hey, it’s harder than it looks! (Also an Allen Silver title.)
Every once in a while there is a defining moment that consumes the entire Discord. It roves across all the channels, it unfolds over hours, it leaves us all changed -- perhaps not for the better, but growth does not always conform to value. It is a value in itself.
Ask Bob Jones, former martial arts instructor to the stars turned convention center Highlander.
This was not the work of one person. We all came together to dig this dinosaur out of the dirt. So who wins here? Is it even anybody on the Discord? Or is it the Celts for inventing Uncle Fu? Is it Bob Jones for going absolutely insane from the terrible power that Unqualified Karate Instructor brings? It’s a difficult decision, and that means the only solution is not to make it. The winner is Hobbes instead, for his excellent gay detectivework. Congratulations! You will take custody of the Prince photograph, or what’s left of it after our last winner, Literary Chimera, Porn Mercenary, defaced this priceless work of art:
For ruining something beautiful, Literary Chimera, Porn Mercenary will be banished to Dick Fight Island*, where something beautiful will ruin him.
You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll don our Flannel Battlepants and fetch our very best Wallopin’ Stick, as is the time-honored tradition of our ancestors.
*Exactly what it sounds like.