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Welcome, šŸŒ­s, to your day of appreciation. Weā€™re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that each of us wears a secret waifu tie with a hidden image of the other. But this isnā€™t about us. This is about you. Did you know youā€™re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First letā€™s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where every town function is held in the parking lot of a Walmart Supercenter two towns over.

He got a little too excited about Tomā€™s Judge Dredd articleā€¦

The poor man was begging for help. We cannot believe not a single one of you told him Frankā€™s stage name was Frankie Stallion, and the song is called ā€œEy Dredd!ā€

Sissyneck may technically owe royalties to Fabio for this dream.

You are allowed to dream of Fabio, you are allowed to dream of wine, and you are allowed to dream of falcons, but if two or more of these elements are present together, you are in copyright violation of Fabio.

And finally, for the holiday season, Sissyneck got downright inspiring.

Hocdogtopus bless us, everyone.

Now letā€™s move on to the Comments ā€¦

FancyShark picked up what we didnā€™t know we were putting down in Covenant Eyes.

You know Brockway and Seanbaby are each otherā€™s Christian porn-app sponsors, and you know Seanbaby has the much worse deal.

Flippant Sausage yearns for the old ways of tabletop perversionā€¦

Yep, back in the good olā€™ days before you could just login to your Fuck Sheet on Bone20, select ā€˜Robotā€™ from the dropdown menu and click ā€˜Assreamingā€™ to automatically apply your proficiency bonuses.

Bonnybedlam brings up an excellent point she is now under arrest forā€¦

These two Matts have really got our site ethos down.

This one Justin has really got our site ethos down.

That Aidan Mouat has really got our site e-

You get it. More importantly, do we have any lawyers here? How can we legally steal our fanā€™s services and profit from them? Does this also include your services, as our lawyer?

Kickinā€™ Jeans really kicked a nerve with SoylentRobot. You know where that nerve was located.

Weā€™re not sure what ThatFoxOverThere is trying to sayā€¦

But we are sure that it deserves an In The Mouth of Madness-style ā€˜reading is the real terrorā€™ movie adaptation.

Fleabag has a story so inspiring weā€™re already in talks with our IP-thieving lawyers to use it in promotional materials.

Next itā€™s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Letā€™s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month!

Author Ape is exactly as insufferable as youā€™d think, and way more sufferable than youā€™d hope.

All of Doctor Apeā€™s prescriptions are for ā€œApe Juice.ā€ The efficacy is questionable, and while the data is peer reviewed, all those peers are apes.

Mafia Ape talks with his hands and sings with his tommygun.

Philosophy Ape believes that inside every ape there are two apes, at war. One ape is darkness, the other ape is light, and which one wins is irrelevant since all ape fights are sweet.

Crusade Ape thinks itā€™d be a shame if something happened to this nice entire religion youā€™ve got here.

Wizard Ape controls all the power of the Sacred Ape Stones which, when gathered together, grant any ape all the proportionate speed and strength of an ape.

Gellaho has so many craft-brewed micro-apes on tap that heā€™s taken to leaving them about as traps. Brockway thought he guessed oneā€¦

He was incorrect, but only for about an hour.

Now on to the Discord ā€¦

Darthlthead has uncovered the least shocking revelation in Hot Dog history:

Javo longs for the glory days of medicine, back when young top gun lobotomists played by their own rules: None.

Weā€™re taking a page from Gellaho and laying out theme song traps. Haraka just fell into the Miller Pit!

Brockway made an unsettling discovery: WikiHow is aware of, and mocking him.

He was so thrown by this discovery that he got brutally joke-scooped by Mo.

The rules say that Mo is the Brockway now, and his body will soon decay accordingly.

Mike spent the very finite time he has on this mortal plane to make a virtual car for an online hot dog conglomerate, and we have to assume he has no regrets. Why would he?

The holidays are a joyous time here at 1900šŸŒ­, and we celebrate in the traditional way: With vigorous karate. None better exemplify the spirit of giving (punches) and receiving (justice) like Ferroday:

There ainā€™t no Christmas like a Karate Christmas cause a Karate Christmas donā€™t stop (until sensei has been avenged).

The choir falls silent. The stage lights dim. A spotlight picks out a single figure. Take us out with a solo, Seanbaby:

Fatamatician has the best Christmas cards this year:

Wait, second best.

Thatā€™s a surefire way to end up on Santaā€™s naughty list, DeltaFoxtrotll.

Will Black brought us all the gift of Corey Haimā€™s Blood Dolphin, the best movie that was never even conceived.

Gellaho is always brimming with šŸŒ­ spirit. But apparently this year he was visited by seven Frank Ghosts representing the fundamental aspects of šŸŒ­, and he learned a valuable lesson about Maximum Hype.

Human-dicked Cyborg Steele is one of our many Discord-exclusive šŸŒ­s, and itā€™s entirely Gellahoā€™s big beefy screaming baby. We definitely mentioned that before.

Behold the Steele tree, complete with, we all assume, an intact human penis.

We probably mentioned that Gellaho does weekly live-reads of goofy books in the Hot Dog Discord, but maybe we failed to mention he also records them as downloadable audiobooks.

We CERTAINLY forgot to mention that heā€™s turning them into videos now. So weā€™re doing that! Right now! Consider it mentioned.

Clearly Gellaho is the winner of the Hot Dog Spirit Award this month. Just like every month. It is actually illegal to display more sheer mad šŸŒ­ enthusiasm than this, so in the interest of keeping things fair, he doesnā€™t win at all. Thatā€™s fair! Thatā€™s what fairness looks like.

Itā€™s actually Tommy G who wins, for building an actual Seanbaby action figure and actually sending it to actual Seanbaby!

You could have kept that for voodoo purposes, Tommy G, but you are a giver. And givers are winners! Congratulations!

You are the new custodian of the Prince Photo:

Donā€™t worry, thatā€™s not a big job. It mostly consists of wiping the remains of ProseAndKahn, our previous winner, from all the nooks and crannies in the frame. Donā€™t forget to soak the fox tails, which have escaped from the photo into our reality and thus hastened the destruction of all mankind! The portents of doom get all matted if you leave previous winners in their fur overnight.

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. Weā€™ll feed them to the vast army of themed apes that threatens to overwhelm us at any second.

...

If these images are borked, you can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.

Comments

Christopher Horne

Itā€™s good to appreciate you appreciating us as we appreciate you. Iā€¦ is thisā€¦ love?

Christopher Horne

Well Yippee, that depends if you go by LustyLumberjack69 and ā€œenjoy long fucks on the beachā€ā€¦ if so, yes, Iā€™ve been waiting in this alley for four hours and am starting to feel as though Iā€™ve been hadā€¦

LyraV

Oh I'm feeling the love. It's weird and beautiful.

DeltaFoxtrot

one of these days that "for a good time number" on the bathroom stall WILL work out for you.

sissyneck

well this is a little alarming but we did pay for a subscription to one of those christian lawyer kinda co-op deals its pretty cheap because i think they mostly rely up on appeals to Christ's Love to settle disputes so i hope Fabio and me can see our way clear to splittin the proceeds I just want whats fair

Christopher Horne

Luckily my fetish is ā€œtearful masturbation in a filthy restroom after being stood up by someone who has likely ODd 2 towns overā€. We are a small community, but proud of our shamelust.

FancyShark

Congratulations, everybody! And double congrats to Tommy!

FancyShark

And thank you, as ever, for the shout-out!

Vooster

Good job Tommy, pour yourself a nice glass of Long Island Iced G, you earned it!

Jeff Orasky

Jesus, gellaho is making the rest of us look like slackers!

Matt Edwards

Seanbaby and Jamie are going to be recording that song, right? I need it as possibly the only thing that can help me woo David Seeger's wife away from him. I was a Batfink fan as a kid, so I'm hoping she gets the rights in the divorce settlement.

kerry budding

Seanbaby don't hot me, don't dog me, no more...(but seriously, keep hotdogging me).

Kevin Hanlon

Thank you, all, for extending the holiday season for another day and giving humanity hope for another year.

Flippant Sausage

It really feels nice to be appreciated for my random thoughts. Most of the time it's more of a "What? Why would you say that?!" or "How did you even start thinking about that?" or "You need to stop texting me at 3am because you were listening to a podcast and it made you concoct a theory about why some cartoon characters wear pants and some do not."

Flippant Sausage

Nah, the theory is that characters that wear pants have external genitals due to additional genetic similarity to humans. So like Goofy wears pants because hes like 99% human, but Winnie the Pooh is just freeballing because hes mostly bear and can retract his penis for modesty's sake. I might have thought about it too much, but my theory accounts for a bunch of variables like "What if they are a duck?"

Matt Edwards

So why does Donald Duck wrap a towel around his waist when he gets out of the shower?

Flippant Sausage

It's performative. Nudity only counts for him when he's not wearing anything at all, so as he lacks external genitals he must perform sham behavior to convince onlookers that he is different from the ducks in the park. It's so internalized at this point he does it even when unobserved.

Matt Edwards

I don't know about too much, but you have certainly thought about this more than most people.

Bonnybedlam

It feels so good to be appreciated! Totally worth the arrest, public shame, loss of friends, family, and freedom, and having my internet usage monitored by the courts. Don't know why I'm allowed to keep visiting this site, unless it's a plot to see what other crimes I confess to for attention.