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Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we play a two-necked guitar together, one to each neck.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where a man just ain’t a man ‘til he’s ruined an Arctic Circle bathroom, unless he chooses to self-identify as a man anyway in which case that’s great too.

Get ready for Sissyneck’s! Bible! Gladiators!

Turns out Sissyneck is an OG Slotomaniac, so pour out some Ballinko Bucks for his poor family – they’ve had a rough holiday season.

Now let’s move on to the Comments, where Arthur breaks down the 1900HOTDOG philosophy.

Finally, somebody understands that we’re a vital part of the ecosystem. Nobody wants to snuggle a possum, but they eat ticks.

We eat comedy ticks.

Chauggle and Brendan have some new macro text to put on their images of cute kittens doing their best.

Flippant Sausage, Matt Edwards, and Troy Wood started this as a joke, but now they’ve got a strip mall dojo full of toilets and a million dollars.

The general ethos of 1900HOTDOG is “way too much work put into jokes about garbage.” Even our fans understand that. Why write “lol i remember that urkel joke book” when you could write a 1,000 word existentialist horror memoir about the unspeakable terror of remembering that Urkel joke book?

Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month!

There’s a theme to this month’s additions, and it’s “apes fixin’ stuff!” First we have Handy Ape:

Just a fine ape to have around if your shower drain becomes mysteriously clogged with ape hair.

And there’s a new and improved Narc Ape, who can fix everything except a bodycam.

Now on to the Discord, where Juho was briefly overcome with joy and gratitude before he remembered capitalism.

Javo finally became the new Arch-Shill! For those of you not familiar, if you promote the site in any way and let us know on the Discord, you are entered into a monthly contest where a winner is chosen randomly for no discernible prize. It means everything to Javo, but the primordial force of Chaos just did not care. Until this holiday miracle…

Speaking of Ferroday, speaking of the Grinch, speaking of sexual domination…

Poor Tommy got fucking lit the fuck up on the Discord! Man he got roasted like your grandma roasts vegetables - with love and care in the hopes they’ll make you feel better.

Since everyone was stuck visiting family and watching shitty holiday movies on cable – who even still has cable, mom?? – the Hot Dog community figured they could write their own.

Fryda Wolff – you know her from podcasts! And also maybe her prolific and lauded voice acting career, but probably from our stupid podcast! She broke the seal and hopped into the Discord because she knew we’re the only community that deserved the Dick Lamp.

Henry has some suggestions for strong new directions in the human bone industry.

It was apparently Brockway Body Horror Month! Foxtrot started it harmlessly enough-

And Mackmiserable ended it with some harm. There was some harm.

Semi-professional Hot Doggist Brett Ellefson is back with more fan art, this time about what happens when we break Prince Containment.

Agent of Fortune has been running the Hot Dog Music League, a battle to the death between themed music choices – even though it has been scientifically proven that every song from Macho Man Randy Savage’s rap album “Be A Man” is actually the best song.

Agent of Fortune also organized the entire Discord so they could pool resources to make a holiday miracle happen for the 1900HOTDOG crew: A cameo from Ernie Hudson – the Great White Black Hunter himself! Wherein he is forced by the unholy contracts of capitalism to say the words “ONE NINE HUNDRED HOT DOG” several times with a mostly straight face.

It’s time to announce a winner, and of course it’s Agent of Fortune! You get Ernie Hudson to say 1900HOTDOG, you win. That has always been in the bylaws of Appreciation Day.

Congratulations, Agent of Fortune! You are the new custodian of that one Grace Jones photo where she looks like a sexual Raiden.

Let’s see how our last winner, Gellaho, fucking ruined it. Yeah, very funny, he made it look like Grace is completely nude under that wicker suit and- no, holy shit. She really was. Nothing is changed! It’s a Hot Dog Christmas Miracle!

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll commission an Ernie Hudson reverse Cameo, where we pay an outlandish fee to make sure Ernie Hudson NEVER enters their life, even by accident.

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If these images are borked, you can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.

Comments

FancyShark

Congratulations, everyone! This community is the absolute best!

Pee-Wee's Uncle

I appreciate hot dogs, but they don't appreciate me.

sissyneck

yes i sympathise with sean one time on a long drive home from camping my mom gave me money to buy a issue of omni cause she probly thought it was like star wars scifi but it was the one with the story in it about the older spinster sisters and they find like a man-bat in there basement and one of them has sex with it and kinda lords it over the other one it pretty much messed me up for the rest of the day but if anybody knows its name of the one im talking about i would like to revisit it

Jeff Orasky

Holy shit, I love this site and its community.

Matt Pedone

Weirdly, I have a story similar to Sean's. I was bored at the beach and ducked into a country store to find something to read (I was also reading David Eddings at the time). Fortunately, my story ends a little better, as their book rack had a copy of "Virtual Light" by William Gibson, and my love of cyberpunk was born.

NevenkaLiana

That was actually how I got into Roger Zelazny! We often drove through the hinterlands of Anytown, USA and my family was also coming apart, and I TOO WAS READING David Eddings (Diamond Throne). We stopped in Podunk, nowhere, and there was a little old used bookstore attached to a slasher-movie gas station that was selling 9 Princes in Amber for fifty cents.

Skebotron

Which article is that exchange between Chauggle and Brendan from? I remember the line about the bullets but for the life of me can't think of the actual article.

Vooster

I had missed out on the OG Spider Brockway events and my god...I have a new God

Daphne Lawless

https://smallbeerpress.com/free-stuff-to-read/2002/08/01/carol-emshwiller-mrs-jones/

Flippant Sausage

Henry's bone stealing grindset made me laugh so hard then, and now.

Matt Edwards

You'll all be glad to hear Flippant Sausage, Troy Wood and myself have sold the movie rights to our fecal martial art. Working title is the same thing I respond every time my doctor asks why I'm here today: "Bloodshit."

Matt Edwards

Farts and blood? Can I interest you in a martial art that grew from a joke getting out of control?

sissyneck

Holy moly that is it! Thank you Delta and Daphne for this disturbing gift of innocence lost (Mrs. Joneses' but also mine)

sissyneck

Well I just re read it and it was as horrible and even sadder as I membered but I didn't realize that it was also really funny! Plus I see that emshwiller also wrote some cowboy books so extraThanks again