Hot Dog Appreciation Day: Hercule Poirot Sex Toys (Patreon)
Content
Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we shave each other’s names in our fades.
But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!
First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where say what you will about inflation but $4.99 still gets you a lot of burrito at the gas station.
This week, Sissyneck accidentally invented the Matrix.
And we found out what happens when two novelty Hot Dog comment accounts pass each other in the night.
Now let’s move on to the Comments … where it’s more Sissyneck!
Walter has discovered the secret synergy of 1900HOTDOG – that’s right, all this time we’ve been an affiliate marketer for Nathfield plushies.
Sean believes all vegetables are beautiful, and has never been above railing a bruised melon.
Former Fish Farmer learns there are some things you can’t unlearn… and you can find them all right here for the low price of $5 a month!
Everyone understands that just like every comedian must eventually find their own nemesis, you also can’t rush into a nemesis too soon. Many will follow it, but only one can be your first.
ThatFoxOverThere proves it: 1900HOTDOG has been confounding philosophers for over three years now!
Matthew Harris, the rule is often misinterpreted. It’s not that whatever you can think of already exists as porn, it’s that if you think of it, it’s porn now. You may have invented it, but now it’s called Siroccing and has a small but thriving subreddit.
Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new apes Gellaho wrangled for us this month!
Farm Ape always needs compost and here’s the fun part - any living thing can be compost.
That’s Card Ape’s poker face. That expression can mean many things, but it never means it’s bluffing.
Now on to the Discord, where The Indistinguishable Wad only wants to be loved. Where do you turn for that? Family? Don’t be stupid. The answer was Hot Dog website.
His name is Professor Liftoff and he’s here to say, he likes to photoshop Hot Dogs in a barbarian way! [Walrus beatbox noises.]
Mo invented the Draw Your Own Danzig Contest, entered the Draw Your Own Danzig Contest, won the Draw Your Own Danzig Contest, and then shut the Draw Your Own Danzig Contest down.
Gellaho is a scientist studying the taxonomy of Florida guys who call it “poontang.”
Adrienne, Jakesy, and Mackmiserable have solved the mystery of your wife’s weird new murder fetish.
Proxy is about to sweep the 2023 RITAs.
Every month there must be a winner, otherwise what are we doing here? Just giving congratulatory shoutouts to our deserving fans for making this a fun place to be? Fuck that and fuck you, this is a contest to prove one of you is better than the others. This month it’s The Indistinguishable Wad! You tell your family to suck it!
You take control of the most precious thing in the Hot Dog Vault, that photo where Grace Jones looks like a sexualized Raiden.
Our last winner, Agent of Fortune, thought it would be real funny to Photoshop it so the garbage bin behind Grace was full of carpet samples but wait holy shit that’s in the original, too.
Thank you for protecting her, Agent of Fortune! And congrats again on finding a place that loves you better than your own wife and child, The Indistinguishable Wad!
You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll set them up on a blind date with Danzig. Not cool 1982 Danzig, either. Modern day Danzig, the one that looks like Dracula’s dad isn’t handling the divorce well.
...
If these images are borked, you can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.