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Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we fuse together like the little machines in Zelda, but no amount of shaking will tear us apart.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where there’s just something special about watching a Spokane sunset with an ice cold Snapple in the back of a Toyota 4Runner with no tailgate and maybe a problematic blanket bought from an unlicensed rug stand in a closed bank’s parking lot.

Sissyneck, the saying is “one man, one ham, one ticket” for a reason.

Sissyneck got a little too comfortable in the Hot Dog Sphere and paid the ultimate price, one we’ve all paid before: The disappointment of a respected librarian.

Sissyneck relates a little too hard to the singing gnome Brockway made up for a one-off joke, but we can’t choose the moments that define us, only how they define us.

Now let’s move on to the Comments, and learn a Nicolas Cage Fact:

It’s tricky getting little sunglasses on a cephalopod, but it probably only cost Nic Cage 2.8 million dollars to manage it.

You know that feeling like the whole world is wrong about something? Like that one time you were certain Teddie Fuxpin, the talking bear with his cock out, wasn’t a thing. But then everyone in group therapy started reminiscing about the specific grade of fur they used to make his wang feel so soft? Yeah, Matthew Harris has that.

Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff will not stop googling himself, and we don’t want him to. Never learn from this, Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff!

Now on to the Discord, where Orneryweevil very nearly realizes the inherent problems in unchecked capitalism, only to swerve at the last minute into some kind of e-jam business.

Mo brought us all MONSTER WARS WEEK, and for that we’ll be eternally grateful. But after reading this sentence-

We do consider the karmic debt paid. We’re even here, Mo.

Last month we would’ve said, with total authority, that there’s no such thing as an uncool monster truck. Predator from MONSTER WARS and this truck Delta Foxtrot found teamed up to prove us wrong.

Thrillho is a little too excited about the new Design Your Own Dick Fighter contest in the Discord. Dick Fight judges do take points off for premature enthusiasm like this.

Prolific Hot Dog artist Brett Ellefson went insane in a perfect way. He caught the brain disease that makes you design cover art for Hot Dog podcasts in the style of Penetrator novels, and there is no cure. RIP Brett Ellefson, he died how he lived: Penetrating.

Obviously nobody put more effort into Hot Dogging this month than Brett Ellefson! So congratulations, Mo, you’re the winner! It simply does not matter how talented, dedicated, or special you are: Nothing beats MONSTER WARS.

You are the new protector of our most precious artifact, that painting of Grace Jones where she looks like a sexual Raiden. Our last winner, Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff, surely took good care of her-

God damn it, Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff! You have disgraced
 you
 ruined
 actually, we’re coming around to it? No, this rules. Turns out Grace can rock anything a Sorbo can’t. She deserves to stay with you, Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff, just like this post deserves to stay at the top of your google results. And hopefully it will, if we just keep typing the words “Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff.”

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll slap on Teddy Fuxpin’s Big Bear Battle Armor with Real Thrusting Action. You know, the one with the recalled codpiece that led to those child maimings? They talked about it in that episode of 60 Minutes “The Little Stuffed Dick That Blinded a Generation.”

Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff!

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You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.

Comments

LyraV

Do it Mo, you fucking rock.

CHAUGGLE

"Vagina the Hedgehog" fuckin sent me. Great job, everyone, especially anyone who sent shade at Sorbo, fuck him.

LabialTreehug

Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff comes across as a surprisingly chill guy; welcome, Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff!

FancyShark

Congratulations, everyone! Mo deserves all the thanks again for bringing us Monster Wars. Holy shit, Brett Ellefson. Amazing work! Treat Grace well, Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff.

Brendan McGinley

We are blessed with the greatest community Patreon has ever seen then gouged out its own eyes in catharsis to never witness such horrors again.

LyraV

I've got traps baited with pixelated wrestlers if he ever makes a break for it.

LyraV

Feels like that should be part of the mission statement.

Vooster

Once again I did nothing and lost. Unbelievable.

Clementine Danger

I wasn't here when Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff commented but I'm glad Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff came here to discus what Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff thinks about being Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff, I do like that. Thanks for stopping by Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff!

Flippant Sausage

He'll never slip past the Hydrasaur in the labyrinth but we appreciate the extra coverage. You can never be too careful.

Skebotron

Making Appreciation Day free just so it's easier for Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff to find is an ultra top-tier bit, and the fact that the Hot Dog community did not abuse this rare lifting of the Prime Directive has restored me the tiniest little iota of faith in humanity.

OrneryWeevil

“Unchecked capitalism leads to seance grifts” sounds like something Ben Shapiro screams as he wakes up from a fever dream, right before his redemption arc.

Haraka

Does Revelation Road Director Gabriel Sabloff remember Teddy Fuxpin? I remember Jackhammer-Me Elmhoe.

sissyneck

Will I am just extra ensaddened that Mr RUXPIN is bein slandered like this I never had one but I got LaRene a furby one year (the Spanish-speakin ones was on sale) that looked kinda like a teddy bear if I squinted and it never said anything the least bit sexual as far as I saber

WebWombat

Revelation Road Director Gabriel Sabloff will always be Revelation Road Director Gabriel Sabloff, and that's a very special thing.

CM

I think those children might be just custom hubcaps, Revelation Road director Gabriel Sabloff.

Matthew Harris

This is weird because I actually do have a Teddy Ruxpin fake memory, where I thought that the inventors of Teddy Ruxpin were from Lake Oswego. I had this well-formed memory of how someone was handmaking them by sewing the bear around tape recorders, somewhere in Clackamas County, and then they launched the larger company. But apparently, none of that is a real thing. In this dimension.