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Welcome, 🌭s, to your day of appreciation. We’re awesome. We know that. We know it so hard that we each wear one diamond earring of a matching set and not where you think.

But this isn’t about us. This is about you. Did you know you’re awesome? Because you are. We have proof!

First let’s check in on Sissyneck Corner, where the only difference between fine dining and garbage is the timestamp on the taquito roller.

Livingscriptures.com is the only online service officially approved by Kevin Sorbo AND Kirk Cameron!*

*Aside from SlaveHub, the door-to-door child slave delivery app.**

**SlaveHub does NOT enslave children, it is merely a third-party delivery service that picks up and delivers slave children***

***To Kevin Sorbo and Kirk Cameron

Dairy is protein, breading is carbs, marinara is a vegetable. Shut the fuck up, Daryl.

There are eight million species of Bigfoot – trap builder isn’t just a career, it’s the fastest growing career in West Virginia!

Now let’s move on to the Comments, where Vooster is workshopping a new tagline for the site.

Matt Pedone learned everything he knows about Great Britain from English Hedge Wizards and now he cannot be killed on its emerald shores.

Glorgish was deeply wronged by Dog Photographer William Wegman in a past life. Perhaps he was one of the dogs in slutty dresses.

Rebecca Bieth has nothing but praise for filthy foot perverts everywhere.

Matthew Harris sums up everything that was great about life before the internet, back when we got all our facts from aunts, they were all incorrect, and a lot of children died in preventable boating accidents.

Seanbaby’s article about the Sinclair Institute Guide to Jackin’ sparked the investigative passion that Hot Doggers are famous for. FancyShark just has a theory…

CM did the actual research.

Turns out we were all wrong to mock the Sinclair Institute. They’re actually hog-crankin’ scholars.

Max Rockatansky did some follow-up and discovered McGruff was way harder than anyone realized.

McGruff has a grenade launcher. It’s time to take a sip out of crime, motherfuckers.

Next it’s time for Weekend Updape with Gellaho! Let’s introduce ourselves (no eye contact, butt elevated in submission) to the new ape Gellaho wrangled for us this month!

Champion Ape knows the real winner isn’t who earns the trophy, but who is left with enough attached arms to hold it.

Now on to the Discord, where Gellaho’s Friday night live book-reads get sophisticated. Luckily Hambone speaks Belgian creole.

Mo put a hilarious caption on this image from “WikiHow to Incorporate Scorpions into Your Lovemaking.”

Rachel is currently rolling up character sheets for every member of the Mountain Monsters crew.

No seriously, she’s following through on it. Half the team has character sheets already, you can download them in the RPG Rejects channel of the Discord and finally play a hillybilly scholar or methed out trappist!

This month Discord introduced an opt-in by default AI summary feature. Before we could figure out how to turn it off, it won our hearts.

Weiner 2600 learned quick, and now provides a valuable service accurately summarizing the meaningful conversations of this community.

Over on whatever used to be Twitter, Brett Ellefson missed the biweekly movie night Seanbaby and Brockway hold in the Discord, but he got the gist of last week’s 2-Bru Krew watchalong.

Now it’s time to pick a winner! The calculations here say it’s Weiner 2600, but we ran those calculations through the Weiner 2600 in the first place so nice try, robot. Congratulations, Rachel! We cannot wait to play a Mountains & Monsters campaign. We’re going to multiclass as a Husky Ninja / Tree Maniac.

Please take care of this, the only picture in existence of martial arts master Jackie Chan smiling bashfully about his own adorable outfit.

It’s… yeah, that’s the right one. Right?

You folks are, as always, the best. And if anyone ever questions that, you call us. We’ll summon the TERF Elk Demon on them. That thing is fucking insufferable.

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You can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.

Comments

FancyShark

WOOO! Appreciation Day! Thank you for the shout out! Congratulations, everyone! Especially Rachel! Rachel, if it hasn't happened yet, we need stats like HP, carrying capacity and movement speed for the golf cart.

CHAUGGLE

Way to go, Rachel, but watch your back - the dingus AI is gonna be pissed.

Matthew Harris

I just want to remind everyone that safe boating is no accident!

Aaron Russell

The only comedy website with the only awesome community.

Skebotron

Nah, they just have to wait it out until Weiner 2600 gets a few Upsetting Days under its belt and the depression takes over.

sissyneck

yes i agree with Matthew there about the weird things comin and goin different in days past I had a pretty similar experience with bein in a nice professional ladys' home for a short visit eccept instead of a dog in a suit she had a big framed picture of that photo of Glen Danzig with metal wings

Rebecca Bieth

Congrats, Rachel! I hope this somehow wills into existence a future episode of Mountain Monsters where they LARP out a game of "Oh, Dang! Bigfoot Stole My Car With My Friend's Birthday Present Inside" Who am I kidding? They HAVE to have already done that exact plotline by now.

CM

Thank you one and all for - as my wife MM insists on calling it, several times, while giggling - "officially hotdogging" us. It's a privilege!

Matthew Harris

It reminds me of all the cleverness and energy of Somethingawful, without the many many terrible people ruining it. Fun fact: I was banned from Somethingawful for suggesting that this Donald Trump guy might end up facing some legal issues. :/

Brendan McGinley

Okay, but what if--just hypothetically, mind you--what if we were INTO girls climbing into corpses?