Chapter 620 - Overthrowing the Tyrants XIII (Patreon)

Bathor held his hands up in triumph as they paraded through Ithil.

Victory was theirs! The demons, the only real challenge to their rule, had been defeated. The [Demon King’s] head was attached to the front of his chariot, the various arms and armaments paraded behind him, each one raised up on a cloth for everyone to see. He wore golden laurels, and had dispensed with part of the tradition.

Who needed a slave whispering in his ears that he was only mortal? Bah!

The crowds cheered at the victors, the surviving members of the 512 joining him in his Triumph. The gaps would need to be replaced and filled, and it was infuriating how much in-fighting was already going on. All they needed to do was cooperate, and everything would be great! Was it asking so much for everyone to put their egos aside for the common good?

The New Remus Empire was going to stand for ten thousand years under his benevolent dictatorship.

To start.

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After Auri had left my first career in smoking ruins - quite literally - I decided it was as good of a time as any to quit. Most of the paperwork had been ‘saved’, and by that I meant I’d liberally [Teleported] almost all of it to the pickup point, but everything else was in ashes. I’d been a [Spy] for a good time, had worked at being a [Scribe] and [Bureaucrat], and the whole thing had been unpleasant enough that a good excuse to leave was welcome.

I hung out with Auri and Fenrir at first, but the two were a little more bloodthirsty than I was currently comfortable with. Carefully making sure the fields they were burning didn’t have people in it, and robbing caravans was all well and good from a people-harm standpoint, but I couldn’t bring myself to join in.

“Love you Auri, stay safe.” I told my phoenix friend.

“Brrrpt!”

“Fenrir, can’t wait to have a good smoke with you again. Don’t let Auri talk you into bad ideas.”

“BRPT!” Auri was hopping from foot to foot in protest. I grinned at her.

“Am I wroooong?” I asked.

“BRPT!”

“You sure?”

“BRRPT!”

I patted Fenrir’s side.

“As I said… don’t let her talk you into bad ideas.”

I smiled as the two flew off, and I found myself adrift once again.

Who was I? What did I want to do? What new challenges could I get to entertain myself?

The question was simple, the answer easy.

“How many people can I heal in a day?” I wondered. “Can I circle the world? How many large population centers are there?”

I got out a large sheet of paper and a quill.

I was done being a [Spy]. Why not try being a [Cartographer-Healer] mix?

I flew up high into the air, and sketched out what I could see of the area on my map, then marked a small x where Edhallon used to be. I flew north to find the coastline, and got to work.

Healing as many people as I could was all very well and good, but the first step was knowing where people were!

===============================

A howling blizzard concealed Fenrir. The [Lord of the Frozen Skies] glided on storm’s wings, Auri cupped delicately in his jaws. The pair of them soared, Fenrir guiding the storm’s direction. He could see through the ferocious blizzard like it wasn’t there, perfect for hunting prey.

Most of the elves had hunkered down in the face of the unnatural storm, but that didn’t mean too much to Fenrir and Auri. The pair silently dropped on a fortress, the sentries not managing to raise the alarm in time.

Hundreds died in Fire and Lightning, Lava and Ice. 

There were a few survivors, but the pair wasn’t going to linger, vanishing up into the stormclouds before a response could be mounted.

The New Remus Empire was hunting them, but [Dragonslayers] were legendary for a reason.

===============

Nina was practically cackling with her latest operation. There was an innate joy to being a [Trickster], a mischievous streak common to nearly all kitsune. Iona and Elaine had ruthlessly stamped it out of her when it came to being an effective combatant. Wearing disguises and sneaking into places was good for scratching the itch, but Nina had gotten a taste of just how absurd she could go when she didn’t have quite so many self-imposed restrictions.

It was hilarious to see how elaborate the pranks could get, how wildly outrageous and outlandish, and people still fell for them. Nina was slowly escalating, and to her disbelieving eyes, people were falling for her latest trick, hook, line, and sinker.

Seriously, if people were this easy to manipulate, what was the point in murdering anyone!? Just declare a [Farmgirl] the new [Queen] and be done with it!

The newest [Farmboy] she’d picked as a likely candidate was as gullible as a newborn babe. She’d need to train it out of him, but for now, it suited her purposes well. Hopefully he’d be mature enough to accept her explanation when he figured it out or she came clean.

But honestly. Who believed stuff like this!?

Nina had been inspired by her adventures in the Han with Iona, and had planted a sword in the stone, along with a description.

Whoso pulleth out this sword of this stone and anvil, is rightwise king, born of all Rolland.

Because, you know, it was just that easy. Yank a sword up, get a free crown to go with it! It was roughly as reasonable as ‘you were born to this person, therefore, you’re the next [Queen]!’

Nina had various complaints about how Exterreri was run, but at least electing people made more sense than what Rolland was doing. Then again, she was using the gullibility and absurdity of the practice to replace it with her own, so how much complaining could she really do?

The [Farmboy] was looking around nervously, starting to roll up his sleeve. Nina had all sorts of theatrics planned. Lights. A choir of angels. A dozen doves flying out of a bush.

“Ahh, I remember the time of creative boredom well.” Night said as he stepped out of the shadows. Nina jumped in surprise, cracking her head on a low branch.

“Ow! Fuck! Night!” She hissed at him as she rubbed the top of her head. “What are you doing here!?”

His lips quirked in amusement.

“Besides entertaining myself by watching your antics? We have determined a time to strike.” Night handed Nina a wax-sealed scroll. “Before you ask, yes, it will be staggered. It is intentional. Some of the relationships you have made will be at larger risk than others, and many will choose to stay their hands entirely. I do not blame them, but for every blow struck, the chances of us shattering the blade that the New Remus Empire is attempting to forge increases. Now. I do believe you have one confused boy you must see to.”

Nina twisted her neck around to see the [Farmboy] standing there with the sword, looking confused.

“Fuck!” She swore again. She’d entirely missed her timing with the doves! She started to hobble out, taking on her persona. A glance over her shoulder showed nothing but dark forest, Night nowhere to be seen.

Well, the show must go on! Old lady with most of her marbles… ready, go!

Nina emerged from the undergrowth, muttering to herself and pretending to check a timepiece, before glancing up at the boy.

“You’re late, you know?”

=============================

Iona’s rule of Sahel hadn’t been going swimmingly, and she had dramatically more respect for [Rulers] than when she’d started. Not that she’d started out thinking particularly poorly about them, but the sheer amount of work and wrangling was impressive.

She knew exactly why there was an army camped outside the city walls, but Iona was less than thrilled about it. Ruling the city was like trying to herd a thousand wet, angry cats, and the Valkyrie was coming round to the idea that drugging everyone very well might have been the lesser evil, and she’d made a terrible mistake.

At the same time, Iona firmly believed that the people of Sahel could be more. They didn’t need to be like this. They could strive and rise above their petty feuds and disputes. She thought of them like wet cats, but ten thousand crabs in a bucket was more accurate. One crab alone couldn’t crawl out without the rest pulling him back in, but a fisherman could simply pick up the entire bucket. Iona wanted to be that fisherman, but wasn’t too prideful to admit when she simply didn’t have the strength to do it herself.

She came in without a strong plan, and it showed. Ruling multiple cities - only one city now - wasn’t something that could be done on a whim, no matter how many letters Skye sent.

When a letter appeared on a desk in her locked office, Iona was cautious before opening it.

To Iona, Paragon of the Valkyries, Paladin of the Moons, Dragonslayer extraordinaire, Master of Sahel, etc.

It is with utmost respect and deference that I, Arachne, take the liberty of writing to you on this matter. I would like to extend my most sincere congratulations at your choice to expand your horizons, and attempt to fix problems from the highest chapel down to the lowest sewers.

I don’t believe I am overstepping when I say that your attempts have not borne fruit. I have a number of suggestions that will steer you closer to your goal while keeping you on track for your greater goals, all the while not compromising the ethics you hold so dear.

To sate your curiosity, and to prevent you from skipping ahead too far on the letter, your wife and companion are alive and well. Elaine has gotten dozens of levels and is happily healing, while Fenrir is acquiring a dozen nicknames, most of which involve building up his legend to a terrifying height. Nina is directly under the mentorship of Night. There is a second letter with full details coming your way, but I believe you won’t be separated from them for too much longer.

First and foremost though, I would ask that you slay the elven observer on the 13th. More precisely, given the rest of the letter, that you arrange his demise to occur at roughly that date. This is the moment we are striking, and the greater chaos that can be sown, the better our chances of success.

Now, you’ll want to conditionally surrender to the army outside your gates. I will start with the core points you must not yield on, and will continue onto a dozen more points that will provide you with solid leverage and give, such that the invaders are more likely to give you the elements you request. First…

…

All the best,

Arachne

Iona memorized the letter, then carefully burned it in the fireplace.

She felt a bit of guilt over the sheer amount of relief she felt, the letter offering her a way out.

=========

Artemis wanted to shake her head at the Rangers. Had they ever been this… green and stupid back in the day?

Unbidden, a thousand memories paraded behind Artemis’s eyes. Yes… yes they had. Usually only the most junior members. The ones that didn’t shape up didn’t live long enough to become senior members. They just required more seasoning, more experience. They’d get there.

A quick flash of Darkness annihilated a piece of parchment. Artemis was thoroughly spooked at how it had ended up in her pocket without her noticing. 

Artemis clapped her hands, all seven Rangers of Orthus paying attention to their team leader.

“Alright everyone! Good training today. Tonight we’ve got one more lesson.”

She waited for the question, the question she’d trained them all to ask. 

“What’s the lesson?” Nix asked. New recruit, good kid.

“I’m glad you asked!” Artemis said with a beaming smile. “How to hold your beer! To The Stout Woodcutter’s! I’m buying!”

There were flashes of disbelief among the Rangers, followed by cheers. Artemis frowned at them.

“But wait! What are you all doing? We don’t go drinking in armor. Go! Get changed!”

The Rangers scattered and Artemis strode to the tavern, opening the door with a bang. The Ranger strutted in like she owned the place. 

It wasn’t a particularly nice inn, but it was the only one Orthus had for travelers. The floor was dirt, but all the furniture was new. Simple, sturdy pieces. There hadn’t been the time for the bar to gather a collection of dents, burns, and marks that otherwise gave a place character.

It wasn’t terribly crowded. Two regulars - the hour was too early for more - a trio of travelers, and a pair of elves, representatives from the New Remus Empire. 

“Bera! I’ll have a Ranger Special, please!”

Bera raised her eyebrow, but poured Artemis her drink. The Ranger grabbed one of the stools at the bar, lifting her mug to everyone.

“And I’ve had a great day, so the next round’s on me!”

There was a cheer from everyone except one of the elves. The elf got an elbow in the ribs from her partner over her lack of enthusiasm - but it didn’t stop her accepting the free drink when Bera brought it round.

Artemis downed drink after drink, steadily becoming more generous as time went by. One of the travelers started up a song, and half the inn joined in, Artemis eventually ending up dancing on the table. She collapsed between the two elves, smelling as drunk as a skunk. She threw her arms around her two new best friends. She looked at one with a soppy smile on her face, then the other.

“Hey…” she asked.

“Yes?” One of the elves said.

Artemis responded with overwhelming violence. Lightning burst out of her hands, [Chain Lightning] bouncing the electricity between both elves. Artemis coated her hands in Darkness and sliced through both of their heads, killing both elves.

[*ding!* Target Eliminated]

[*ding!* Target Eliminated]

The Rangers jumped to their feet as the charred and smoking bodies hit the floor. Artemis jumped onto the table, all traces of her intoxication gone.

“Constant fucking vigilance!” She roared at the Rangers. “This is why you never let down your guard! This is why you never let your enemy get close! A mage gets their hand on you? You’re fucking dead! These two had a higher level than me. Higher stats! They were older, and more experienced! And now they’re fucking dead because they didn’t bother keeping their guard up! The same fucking thing will happen to all of you if you don’t pay attention!”

There was a stunned silence throughout the tavern. 

“Nix.” Artemis pointed out the newest Ranger, one who was rapidly sobering up at the situation. “How many drinks have you had, how many drinks have I had?”

Nix squinted, the question seemingly causing him pain.

“… fewer than you?” He asked.

“Fucking WRONG! I’ve been drinking watered down beer all night! You know why?” Artemis pointed at the charred bodies. “Because our FUCKING enemies are right here! Get out, all of you, we’re running drills. Let’s see how you lot handle yourselves while pissed!”

Bera coughed, pointedly looking at the bodies. Artemis rolled her eyes. With a gesture the dirt floor opened up, the bodies vanishing eight feet deep before getting reburied.

“What are you all still doing here? Move!”