.... (Patreon)

There's one thing that doesn't leave me alone.
I studied English for more than 1 year. I went to classes of 3 hours a day from Monday to Friday, for all that time. However, I could not learn much. I would say it was a complete failure.
My problems in trying to understand English are not big, but huge. Most of the time I fail to understand what I'm being told, until many attempts later.
I leave from there to go to the next point that hits me the most.
Not being able to understand what people say to me, not being able to understand people who speak English, makes me think of myself as a fool. As a retard practically, and makes me doubt my intelligence and my value as a person. Even when I do my best to understand, most of the time it is not enough, and I only end up thinking that it is all my fault, that I make people believe that I don't understand them, to waste their time or to make fun of them. In the end, I think they get the worst image of me. That they see me as a fool... or at least that's the image I have of myself when I'm not able to understand them.
Maybe in the end, my intelligence is very little, since it is not only not understanding the language, but also the way to see the world. A lot of things I'm not able to see in the drawing. Details that are there, but I don't understand them or can't find the way to represent them.
More and more I think I'm a fool. And the problem with that is that it puts me below what is categorized as a person. It makes me think I'm beneath others and that I've lost my courage and humanity.
I translated all this text directly, without trying to give it coherence. And I did it because if I had tried, it would have been more painful for me.
When we have to express things in words we have to abstract the emotions and ideas into clear concepts for others. put a filter with which people can empathize with us. By doing it in another language, that filter multiplies for me, and becomes a very thick barrier.