Thank you for October 2024! (Patreon)

This could be interpreted either as Hawks summoning an incubus and getting kink shamed for the incubus turning into Enji, OR Hawks managed to convivence Enji to wear that outfit and is still kink shaming Hawks lmao (don't worry he's into it).

Apologies for this being late, yesterday was my birthday and my brain decided that this was the perfect time to have a mid-life mid-30s crisis :'D
Thank you for all the patience and kindness that was shown this month, especially when I had to share about my tooth being removed and the unexpected complications that came thereafter. I'm doing better now, kinda, the pains mostly gone so that's a win!
I had a lot of fun with all the suggestions I managed to do, despite the art funk I was in, and if you see a few more Halloween themed art posts just know it's cause I wasn't able to get through everything I wanted to draw! November might also be a bit of a slow start, there is a lot of older WIPs I want to finish, but I also need to indulge myself a little, so there may be a few more Hawks solo artworks.

An update about the merch! It's finally on it's way to me!! I am so excited to be able to sit and wrap everything and write little Endhawks Christmas cards (cause hopefully all the packages arrive before Christmas) for everyone~!

Below will be some talks about how I felt this month, so feel free to skip if you were mostly here for the end of month thank yous/art :)
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But wowies we got through October! I don't even know what to say honestly, since a majority of October was me struggling against some weird art funk (hole, pit, whatever you'd like to call it), I was trying to stubbornly deny that something was wrong, trying to play it off cause really you all aren't here to hear about the art struggling, but it got to a point where I was outright panicking about it (still am) and I figured if I just kept drawing, kept trying it would sort itself out. The result really is that it did and didn't at the same time, so going into November things may be a bit slower as I try to not feel like I'm failing everyone on patreon.

I even went to watch the movie "Look Back" which is suppose to resonate with artists a lot, and while it did, I left the cinema with the same unresolved questions I ask myself that the main character asked themselves "why do I draw, is it all meaningless", the movie felt almost like a small call out to artists, how we abandon time with friends, relationships, other activities in this effort to strive to be better artists, to either get on the level of those artists we admire or even beat them and be better, and that when you see your work side by side and all those days, hours, weeks spent trying to improve and that person, that artist you admire can and does still a better job than you do, it's hard to not just quit 'there isn't any point, I quit'. Then the movie showed the flip side, when the artist you admire talks to you, gives you compliments about your art and how that makes your soul soar, how you feel seen and the effort you put into art is seen. It was a good movie regardless, and I would like to watch it again if I get the chance.

Social media has made things into a shitshow which has also weighed on me, my twitter feels like it's been shadowbanned cause nothing I post is doing well, doesn't matter how much I post, what day, time, whether I mention patreon, it's nsfw or sfw, it's all flopping, and with the new twitter AI, it's become incredibly hard and discouraging to post, and I know I'm not the only one which is always why I'm trying to retweet and comment on fellow Endhawks artists posts, cause I know I'm not the only one that could be feeling this way. Just sucks, so all the problems and build up and tooth being removed has just put me in a place art wise that is hard, it makes me second guess things a lot.
So I don't really know how to get out of this art funk I'm in, other than trying to draw somethings that are more self indulgent (like just drawing Hawks lol), but I'll figure it out!

If you made it to the end of this thank you for reading my rambles! I try not to talk negatively about my art cause I don't want people to misunderstand and think I hate art and hate my own art, it's just also hard to pretend it's all sunshine and daisies. So thank you for reading and we shall see how November goes! 💖
And christ I can't believe December and the end of the year is so close now! x___x