(Part 4) Kazuma knows reality better than you (Msc. TF) (Patreon)

“Alright, I did my thing. Now where are we heading?” Megumin asked, patiently following Kazuma on their way back to the town, still happily sizzling from her dragon mouth while her wings flapped excitedly. She was definitely in a good mood.

And honestly Kazuma couldn't blame her. As much as he changed her, the thing he didn’t touch was her love for explosion magic. And now that she was half dragon, apparently one thing that did change was the fact that she no longer collapsed after casting it once. She was just kinda exhausted, too weak to cast more magic, but strong enough to still skip through the streets.

…so much more convenient compared to her previous human self.

“We are going to the guild real quick. I wanna see if I am able to get a bit more interest out of our primary source of income.” He replied with a smile on his face.

“Oh? How are you going to do that? Threaten them with my dragon face?” Megumin giggled, to which Kazuma rolled his eyes.

“I have my ways~” He declared right in front of the building, then stepped inside with full confidence. Barely anyone cared, except for the few usual faces. Already drinking despite it being barely afternoon… honestly.

But Kazuma ignored them, heading straight for the counter where the guild receptionist Luna was waiting. She is incredibly friendly and always helpful, honestly might be one of the few people in this world that Kazuma actually respects. But right now, he had a different agenda.

“Hello and welcome Kazuma. What can I do for you today?” She asked with her usual welcoming demeanor. This was going to sting a bit in Kazuma's deep, dark heart. So he whispered. “I need a secret favor from you. Could you be like a completely obedient servant of mine for a day?”

“...Kazuma. I don’t know what kind of joke that is, but I obviously can’t be your servant, even just for a day. What do you even…?” She replied, to which Kazuma quietly interrupted her.

“No, I don’t think so. You are my undercover servant and would do anything I ask of you, but act in public as if that wasn't the case.”

Luna blinked for a moment, completely stunned. Kazuma cleared his voice. “Alright, let's start again. Luna, I need a favor from you.”

Luna looked left and right to check if someone was watching, then covertly replied “What is it, Kazuma?”

“I am not feeling as financially secure as I would like to feel, so I was wondering if you have some sort of possibility of secretly diverting some cash to me. You know, without anyone being the wiser.”

“That could prove difficult.” Luna replied, much to Kazuma's surprise as she looked through some of her books. “The guild is sadly not as financially stable as we let on to believe. Not to mention that we have very strict guidelines we need to follow for practically all things we do here. I could do some string pulling, but it would definitely be discovered fast and I would probably lose my job if I do it. Is there anything in particular that you want me to do?”

This was a lot scarier than Kazuma imagined. Like Kazuma didn’t have the purest moral compass, but ruining Luna’s life specifically for almost no gain just sounded incredibly wrong in all ways. So he quickly decided against it. In fact, something in him kinda wanted to make it up to her for even suggesting such a stupid idea.

“Say Luna. How much does the guild spend on booze and average? Is it a significant amount?”

“Well, since Aqua came around, alcohol consumption has been at an all time high. We do make money from it, but also we do need to buy a lot.”

“Gotcha. Let me try and reduce that for you.” Kazuma declared, turning around with a smirk, coming up with another evil plan. 

And approached a group of ruffians that Kazuma only tangentially knew. “Hey, I might need a favor. You guys are some big strong men, right?” He asked, to which the ruffians laughed, having clearly no idea what was expecting them. Kazuma didn’t even need to listen to their responses to know that they were burying their own graves. The only thing he needed to hear was “of course we are.”...

“No, I don’t think so. You are a group of strong girls after all~” Kazuma declared and the moans and gasps were truly symphonies to his ears. It also told him that if the entire group agreed on something, he could command the entire troup at once. Very convenient. Kazuma just smiled. “And of course you girls' breasts are very special, right?”

“Go away looser.” “You truly don’t fear death at all if you talk about our tits like that.” “As if there was anything special about our tits besides our muscles below…”

“No, I don’t think so!” Kazuma interrupted their laughter, having heard what he wanted to hear. Time for a lot of fun. “There is a lot more going on with all of your breasts than just muscles. Your nipples are literal faucets and your bodies produce an abnormal amount of alcoholic beverages which they all store in your tits.” 

Kazuma grinned, watching as each of their nipples started to leave a very familiar dent on their armor and shirts. But he wasn't done describing how special their breasts are. “Surely you girls know the most popular beverages here. Each of you produce a different one of those top selling drinks and in quantities so large that you need to ‘unload’ yourselves every eight hours, because otherwise your breasts would just be ridiculously overloaded. I would call tits like that pretty darn special.”

The gazes of the wild looking girls barely shifted, but their nipple imprint told the entire story. They still looked like they wanted to punch Kazuma’s jaw in, so it was probably a good idea to wrap this as soon as he can.

“So what? Do you want a free drink, young man?” “Yeah. Our goods come at a considerable price.” “You talk like our breasts belong to you. Get real and give up.”

“Hehehe…” Kazuma’s eyes lit up once again. “No, I don’t think so. Your breasts and everything they produce belong to me and you know it. I get to decide everything that’s happening to your beautiful alcohol~”

The girls glared at him angrily, but none of them protested in any way. They knew he was right. “Now then girls, do we want to talk about what is happening with your booze production.”

“Tsk!” None of them sounded too pleased.

“That's the spirit. You are going to sell it to the guild for half the price that the guild usually buys the beverage. And all of those incomes naturally go to me~ Any questions?” Kazuma devilishly asked.

Yet no answer came. 

—

“So what exactly did you do?” Megumin asked, trotting behind Kazuma as both of them made their way home. 

“I made the guilds life a little bit easier, secured a source of unlimited booze fun and a little bit of extra cash. All in all, quite a successful day.” Kazuma replied, nodding to himself proudly.

“No, that is not enough. I want to know exactly what you did!” Megumin declared, staring at him with a skeptical expression. “Because usually when you do stuff like that you…”

“No, I don’t think so.” Kazuma cut her off. “My little explanation was more than enough for you.”

“Yeah, you are right.” Megumin said, changing her tune completely at his words. “I wonder how Aqua and Darkness are doing.”

“Oh yeah…” Kazuma grinned, reminded of something truly hilarious. “I wonder how Aqua is doing too~”

—

Even the powerful need to learn their lessons. Not being careful can lead to some dire consequences.

My good friend Toastbroy, who was a test reader for this story, liked the concept so much that he commissioned ThatFreakGivz to draw the concept of an adventurer party with drink dispensers for himself. He wanted me and Givz’s OCs to join in too. Now we are apparently in the Konosuba universe together and fell victim to Kazuma.

…sure, why not.