An uninfluenced game review (Elf Tg) Draft (Patreon)

“Hey, have you seen? Rakul66 just uploaded another game review.”

“Really? What game is he destroying this time?”

"Apparently the game ‘Modern Magic Monday’.”

“Never heard before.”

“Me neither. Wanna watch?”

“Sure. Let’s go!”

—

“Oh boy, this is going to be a fun one today. Never before has the creator of a game themself come on this show just to give his input in my review. But no matter. Hello you conessours of fine quality modern gameplay. My name is Jeff, probably better known as Rakul66 and today we have a very special guest on this show.”

“Hi everyone. I am Eva and I am a relatively new indie game developer. And I made this beautiful mess that is called ‘Modern Magic Monday’. And i am proud of it~”

“Yeah, it's an honor to have the game developer herself on here. Though do you think you can handle this show? Just saying, we here Game Rippers tend to be quite harsh on games. And I don’t think you can change my opinion of this game anytime soon. Do you think you can handle it?”

“I am sure I will manage~”

“Alright, so then let’s get started. To briefly summarize what this game is all about, you play as an elven girl, coming in from another world trying to live in a relatively modern environment despite her different status. After naming your protagonist the game starts you off by having you leave your office, having apparently had a hard day of work behind you. And from there the game is all around a pretty open world sandbox type experience, which, as we all know, doesn’t necessarily translate to it being a good thing.

Now that I have you here, I must ask you one thing. What made you decide to make the protagonist an elf rather than any other fantasy race?”

“Hehe! That's because there is nothing fantastical about elves. I am an elf, as you can clearly see. And you are an elf too!”

“Hgn… my ears…! Ack… Uff, I am sorry, don’t know what came over me there. It felt like someone had just pulled my ears back a whole bunch and you know how much we elfs hate when someone does that. Haha…

Sorry about that, that will be a retake. Let’s start from…”

“You will leave everything that happens here in the video so that everyone can see it and just continue with your review.”

“...I see. As the character you play as is an elf, she immediately resonated with me a little bit more, since I definitely can relate to that situation. Regardless, even though you have lots of options you can do from then on out, most of them are fairly ordinary, as in, not particularly exciting. It’s just a glorified regular life simulator with some elements of Magic sprinkled in. The story picks up in the later chapters, but the early chapters really only are that, a regular life simulator with small elements of magic.

I have another question for you, Eva. The game hammers it home pretty considerably that elfs differ from humans in that they are physically more frail than humans by a lot, but can use magic. What made you decide on that? Because of that the protagonist of this game just feels… pathetic to play as sometimes. I mean she can’t even carry two bags worth of groceries to a car sometimes.”

“That’s just reality. Elves are just much weaker than humans, and that includes you! Can you carry two full bags of groceries?”

“Of course… I can… Hng… I go to the gym twice every week and… do… Hgna…

Okay, maybe two full bags… Ack… are a bit on the upper limit. But with my training I should… be able… to… Ah…

I feel so much smaller… and weaker… What happened…?”

“Nothing happened. You were just about to say how you go to the gym and can carry weight like humans easily.”

“Err… I mean… I go to the elven section in the gym to keep fit, but… carrying human weights… are you sure? That’s just unrealistic for our bodies, no?”

“Exactly. That’s why we elves make for such amazing gamers~ After all, there is almost no lifting, and we have a lot of dexterity and magic that can help us there! Right? Hehe~”

“...!”

“You look like you have just seen a ghost. What happened~?”

“I… am not sure. When you said that I felt something warm rush through my body. I know it was just mana, but for some reason, it felt so alien to me. So relaxing. I am sorry, I must have spaced out.

Yeah, right. We are on Game Rippers. Wow, I have never been so spaced out during a recording session in a long time. I mean, I even questioned the mana that flows through me, which must mean I really am off my game today.”

“Maybe you should brush your long and soft hair out of your face to get more sun. I know we elves love our long hair, but there is merit to seeing sunlight with our face, you know?”

“Huh? Long… ah! Blegh! Yeah, you’re right. Maybe my curtain has me think that it’s still night or something. Haha. Though I think I’ll still leave my hair like this, since it kinda is my signature style. Which I just realized that the protagonist of ‘Modern Magic Monday’ also has. What a coincidence.”

“That is no coincidence. The character model in that game is algorithmically generated when the game is first opened by a player, in which case that model is then permanently your character and will reflect on you as well.”

“Err… I don’t quite understand. What do you mean with reflect on you? I mean, yes, the hair looks kinda similar, but that protag is still a girl, right?”

“The protagonist will always reflect whatever you wish you would look like as an elven girl, then uses an algorithm to turn that wish into an avatar. And reality. I want you all to briefly close your eyes and imagine just that, all the traits your ideal elven form would have. Then let my magic take your thoughts and form it into a full body. Do you see it in front of you?”

“...yes. Wow, that technologie is amazing.”

“It get’s better. Is that form you see a guy or a girl?”

“It’s a girl. The one from the game.”

“Then that must mean that you are also a girl!”

“Ah! Ahhh! My… down below… it’s…”

“Don’t break focus. Don’t open your eyes. Look at the girl you see very closely. Because you have her face as well, right?”

“Ack… tingly… y-yes… she looks like me…”

“And her boob size? It’s exactly the same as yours!”

“Uff… Ha… yes. Exactly…”

“Her waist and hips are just as identical to yours as everything else.”

“Y-yes… Ack… it tingles so much…”

“That's a good tingling. Last one. Your legs and thighs. Naturally those are exactly the same as yours as well.”

“Y-yes!”

“Your body is perfect, now a little bit extra. You have never played ‘Modern Magic Monday’ before and if you have you will forget everything you know about it right… now!”

“Ah…”

“But you have an uncontrollable urge to buy and then play the game ‘Modern Magic Monday’ now. And once you do, you will immediately fall deeply in love with it, praising it as the best game you have ever played.

Now… don’t consciously remember any of my magical commands and waaake up~”

“Huh? Ah, right. Game Rippers. Hey everyone, Rakul66 here at Game Rippers with a very special guest. Although… Uhm… we are talking about ‘Modern Magic Monday’ today, right? How can I talk about it when I haven’t even played it?”

“Game Rippers? You told me that you were going to do a let’s play announcement on it and then wanted me to join you at the beginning of your blind playthrough~”

“Ah! That makes so much more sense. Thank you! You heard the lady, you conessours of fine quality modern gameplay. Starting today, I will be doing a blind playthrough of this seemingly amazing game by the name of ‘Modern Magic Monday’ while the creator of the game is joining us. So expect a video later today of the first of many parts of my new let’s play. See you all… then~”

“Bye bye~”

—

“Wow, that video was intense! I felt goosebumps all over my body when they talked.”

“No kidding. And now I REALLY want to check out that game. I feel like ‘Modern Magic Monday’ will be the next big mega indie hit! I simply must try it!”

“Hey, gurl, same! I am so happy we watched that announcement! Let’s check out the game store page.”

“Do you know what the video was called Game Rippers even though it was just an announcement video?”

“No clue.”

“Oh well. Oh look! You get a special deal if you are an elf girl buying the game! Lucky us!”

“Sweet! This is going to be an allnighter! Hope you are ready!”

"Heck, yeah!"

—

Beware of game reviews that feature elvish girls. I mean, elvish girls reviewing the game, not just appearing in… Though, those two things might be closely connected…