The Objectively 3 Best Wishes (Genie Wish Shenanigans Tg?) Draft (Patreon)

Raphael: …and that's why I think I am qualified for you to trust me with those wishes as I most definitely will not waste them. Any questions regarding any of the points I made?

Jalira: No… No, I think I am good. You… uhm… you put a lot of thought into this, didn’t you?

Raphael: Naturally. Going into a date with a genie unprepared would just be highly unprofessional of me. That's also why I created this three page list of arguments to convince you that I can be trusted with this kind of power. What is your impression of me now? Am I worthy of those wishes?

Jalira: Yeah. Sure. You seem like a smart guy. So why the heck not? As a genie of the ring, it's my duty to grant you three wishes. Now then, my master, what are thy wishes that you proclaim you have thought so much about?

Raphael: Okay, can you grant me my wishes one by one, just so that I can reverse wishes in case I do mess up?

Jalira: You are not allowed to reverse any wishes you make from me and I would prefer it if you made them all at once. But if you want to make them one by one just to maybe negate some mishaps with some witty secondary wish, I won't stop you.

Raphael: Well, that is unfortunate. But I'll still make them one by one just to make sure.

Jalira: Go for it, Tiger.

Raphael: Alright, let me take out my notes again… Hehem!

Raphael: “I wish to have a very beautiful and busty witch as my girlfriend and later wife, who loves me unconditionally, fits my personality perfectly and thoroughly enjoys frequently transforming me into monster boy or monster girl versions of myself without affecting my mind, though she always turns me back to normal - like how I am right now -, at latest when it would lead to discomfort.”

Jalira: *blink* *blink*

Jalira: That's a… That's a very specific wish.

Raphael: Do you want me to repeat it? I have the full wish written down here on my sheet.

Jalira: No need. I can’t really think of anything wrong with that off the top of my head, so I am just going to trust you with this… I am sure you have thought this through more than I can do on the spot.

Raphael: So you grant me my wish then?

*Snap*

Jalira: Already done. I am kinda curious to see how this will go wrong…

Raphael: Awesome. Then where is…

*Creak*

???: Hey Schatz, die haben leider kein Teufelspulver mehr am Witch Markt gehabt, also muss ich mir für heute Abend noch was anderes einfallen la…

Jalira: *blink* *blink*

???: *blink* *blink*

Raphael: *blink* *blink*

???: Hey Schatz, willst du mal kurz sagen, was ein in einem provokativen Harem-kostüm angezogener magischer Djin in unserem Wohnzimmer verloren hat? Ich blick da nämlich gerade noch nicht ganz durch.

Raphael: Ah, Ja. Uhm… Einen Moment bitte…

Raphael (whispers): She speaks german?!?

Jalira (whispers back): Don’t ask me. I just granted your wish. I am innocent.

Raphael (whispers): Alright then. Uhm…

Raphael: So, long story short, I now have three wishes of a genie of the ring. Do you mind speaking English for a bit so that she can also understand you? Uhm… honey…?

???: Sure. And interesting. Never thought I’ll see the day where my Raph would find a genie to command. She is all yours Raph, I have learned enough about magical beings that I know not to engage with genies.

???: But where are my manners? My name is Neirala, seasoned witch serving under the dark goddess and partner to Raph. Nice to meet cha.

Jalira: I go by Jalira and am the genie of the ring your boyfriend is so eagerly holding. The feeling is mutual.

Neirala: Alright. Then I’ll leave you to your business. I have a few small things to take care of in the cellar. Don’t screw my Raph over too hard, would ya?

Jalira: Wait, you are not going to help him? I mean, you and your magical knowledge might…

Neirala: No need. My Raph is the biggest overthinker on the planet. If he can’t outsmart a genie, then no one can. Anyways, catch you later. I have a new spell I would like to try on you later Raph, so you better be ready tonight. Tata~

Jalira: *blink* *blink*

Raphael: *blink* *blink*

Jalira: …so that’s your dream girl? She seems… very special.

Raphael: So, in my head I imagined her a little bit differently, but I can’t say that I regret making this wish in any way. She has me hooked already and I have known her for one minute.

Jalira: I mean… I would assume you like her given you wished your dream girl into existence.

Raphael: This is so awesome. Thank you so much for that wish.

Jalira: Well, you have two more. Let’s see if those also become hits like the first one. That one seemed to work quite well.

Raphael: Alright, back to the sheet. Here I go again.

Raphael: “I wish to have the ability to effortlessly teleport wherever I want, whenever I want, and even take objects or people with me by holding onto them, without ever clipping into anything or anyone on accident, all just by concentrating while thinking about where exactly I want to go, with a large vision of that exact place in real time helping me with that.”

Jalira: …so you want to teleport without any of the downsides?

Raphael: Exactly. That's why I made it so specific.

Jalira: I know a lot about teleporting, after all as a genie I do it all the time. Though I must say that all of these downsides really can be lifted by just having lots of experience… and a gaseous body…

Jalira: …okay, I guess your worries are warranted. So should I once again just go for it?

Raphael: Yes, please.

*Snap*

Jalira: ….aaaaaaand done~

Raphael: Awesome, let me…

*Blink*

Raphael: …try this. Holy crap.

*Blink*

Raphael: I can teleport!

*Blink*

Raphael: I can’t believe this! This is too good to be true!

Jalira: Oh I assure you, it’s true.

*Blink*

Raphael: Nice!

*Blink*

Raphael: Oh yeah, I have been meaning to ask you.

Jalira: Hmm?

Raphael: How does your wish granting power work? You said you can just “go for it”, instead of listening to my exact words again. How does that work?

Jalira: Complicated to explain. I’ll try to keep it brief and simple.

Jalira: For every sentence spoken, there is a reality where that sentence is true. We genies can take the realities of those spoken sentences and bring them into the world of the guy who wished for it.

Jalira: Which is also why we genies are not evil. It's really just a matter of most people having a powerful tool in their hands for the first time and then hurting themselves more than they are helping them. Though I do know of quite a few genie coworkers who do enjoy misleading humans into pointing that figurative tool at themselves.

Jalira (whispers): …but we can also grant wishes if we honestly misunderstand our masters and really think they have said a different sentence, but this is another can of worms that I don’t want to open right now…

Raphael: Ah. That makes so much sense. Alright, then let me come to my third and final wish.

Jalira: I am all ears.

Raphael: I want to wish for whatever you want me to wish for. You have deserved a wish of yourself~

Jalira: Ahaha… I appreciate the offer, but I sadly have to decline. One of the rules of genies is that we aren’t allowed to wish for something with our own power. And that goes even as far as getting humans to wish for what I would want. So I am sorry, but it is simply not possible.

Raphael: Oh. Sadness.

Jalira: Those are the rules. Hey believe me, If I had a wish, I would have wished for my curse for every master to make a crucial oversight in every one of their wishes to end long before you ever became my master. Honestly. Dealing with those types of idiots really drains you after a while, especially if you can see their downfall from a mile away and they still just blissfully run towards that cliff.

Raphael: I know how you feel.

Jalira: But such is life. Anyway, do you have a good replacement idea for your third wish?

*pulls out a pen and paper*

Raphael: I think I got a new one. Let me just quickly write it down and double check…

— one hour later —

Raphael: Yes, that sounds good.

Jalira: Oh, you are ready? Guess I’ll come down from the ceiling then.

Raphael: I really appreciate you granting me all those wishes and being so nice and such a helpful genie overall, so.. .. my last wish is still for you.

Raphael: “I wish you, Jalira, to be free from this burden of being enslaved to whoever holds this ring, so that you may go after the occupation you really want and be happy and contempt with whatever job that might be, in addition to being able to even find enjoyment even if you find yourself facing an idiot at your new job once again.”

Jalira: …

Raphael: That's right, I wish you were free. And since you weren't the one who told me this, you should be able to grant it, right?

Jalira: It would take too long to explain. I’ll take it, you want me to grant exactly that?

Raphael: Exactly. But what do you mean by that? That sounded ominous.

Jalira: Don’t worry about it. Will probably not affect you. Anyways~

*Snap*

Jalira: Wuhu… I am free now. Thanks so much for freeing me… Anyways, those were all three wishes. How was your experience with our genie service? Would you recommend us?

Raphael: Hahaha! Absolutely! Not you though. I wish you the best of luck in your free life.

Jalira: Yeah, same. May we hope that none of your wishes backfired in any way…

— Later that night —

Jalira: Hey there, Lunaris. Glad you finally picked up the phone.

Lunaris: Hey there. I just checked out stuff in headquarters… Did you get fired again?

Jalira: Thanks to that one specific movie, now everyone believes he is doing me a favor by ‘setting me free’. I don’t know. Am I so nice that people just want to kick me off my job?

Lunaris: Can’t say. Anyways, this is the fifth time you have been kicked off the force due to your own magic, so I have the hang of it already. Come tomorrow morning and you are back and one of us again.

Jalira: Thanks. Much appreciated.

Lunaris: Whatcha doing right now?

Jalira: Nothing much. Just watching a guy and the mess he wished for unfold in front of his own eyes. Saying that this is popcorn material is an absolute understatement.

— inside —

Neirala: …you do know that you are incredibly cute right now, right?

Raphael: I am trying not to be cute! Just standing as a Lamia is…

*Blink*

Raphael: …kinda…

*Blink*

Raphael: …hard!

*Blink*

Raphael: Ahh!

*Blink*

Neirala: *Snicker* You sure wished for an awesome power with this random teleporting.

Raphael: It’s not random! it’s just… when I want my body to move and I think of the place I want to move too much… I teleport there…

Neirala: *Snicker* Tell me again how you are not cute doing that. *Snicker*

Raphael: Do you have anything to help me?

Neirala: Nope. Sorry. I don't know an anti teleportation spell, nor any spell that would make learning to slither like a snake easier. You know I suck at mind magic. I just like turning you into cute monster girls… with huge breasts.

Raphael: Yeah, so about them. They are a lot more… boinging than I imagined. More cumbersome, so to speak, than I thought they would be.

Neirala: So? Until you learn to walk like a centaur and slither like lamia, I ain’t shrinking them one bit. Hihihi~ Your fault for falling for a genie’s trap~

Raphael: Ahhh!

Raphael: How is this the most heavenly hell I have ever seen! This is a dream and a nightmare all at once!

Neirala: I am glad to be of assistance~

— outside —

Lunaris: This isn't like you. As far as I remember, you never liked watching people struggle with their wishes.

Jalira: What can I say? This one's wishes are just so hilarious I can’t stop myself.

Jalira: But it might also be that I enjoy stupid wishes a lot more after his last wish. That could also be the culprit. Hihihi~

—

Getting wishes is always great, especially when you have thought them through to the very end. Even Jalira will be impressed by that, right?

Birthday present for ProfessoR that was a long time ago and i just simply forgot to upload this.