Fix Me - Ch. 3 (Be The Father Of This Child! Side Story, Patreon Exclusive) (Patreon)
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Chapter Three – Hard To Swallow Morning After Pills
Tom was glad for Sid letting him off the hook and not driving him home. He asked the taxi driver to leave him at some distance from the house so that he could walk off some of the thoughts clouding his mind.
What the hell had he been thinking to hook up with that boy’s father? He felt revolt growing inside him. One, he wanted to strangle himself. It had felt too damned good, but guilty pleasures always did. Also, Sid was a piece of work, always talking and having something to say. And he was wrong. He wouldn’t let this night change what he thought was right for Jett.
You’re a bit of a hypocrite.
Great. Now his conscience had conveniently switched to sounding exactly like Sid.
All right. It had been nothing but sex. And it had happened because they had drunken too much, and because Sid had kissed him back, and because –
Tom clenched his hands into fists. To think that he had been so eager to get in bed with Sid. Should he had been any other man, it would have been fine.
He knew what the problem was. The problem was that being with Sid felt natural. Even the sex, as new as they had been to it – which was funny, indeed, seeing that they were both grownups – had been amazing. Tom grimaced as his ass reminded him of what he had done just earlier that night.
But, still, Jett wasn’t supposed to be with a boy, no matter how pretty he looked, and how awesome his dad was. Tom cursed under his breath. He was trying to focus but wasn’t doing a very good job. Thoughts of Sid, a word, a touch, the feel of his skin, were messing up his brain.
Before, whenever he had been with a man, any thoughts of his partner for the moment had been washed away with a shower and a cup of bitter coffee. Maybe that was all he needed.
The guilt, he felt it, and it was as strong as ever. But other emotions were growing, and stifling them was hard work. What if Sid hadn’t been the boy’s father? Would he have felt the same attraction? After all, maybe it was all about the forbidden fruit.
Tom ran both hands over his face. The chill air of dawn made him shiver a little, but he shook it off and sped up the pace. That was the kind of truth he didn’t want to face.
That he was attracted to a man, and it wasn’t only about sex, although that played an important role, too. Such thoughts needed to be beaten into submission and eliminated for good.
***
He opened the front door carefully, hoping his coming home this late wouldn’t wake up any of the residents, and Jett, in particular. Tom wasn’t sure he would be able to face his son after spending his night with another man. He feared that his kid would just read everything on his face.
And then, he wouldn’t listen to reason anymore.
Damn, his throat was so dry. At least, he could sneak into the kitchen and drink a glass of water. It might not wash away thoughts of Sid from his mind, but it might clear his taste buds a little. He really needed to stop drinking like he was still young, and it didn’t matter. Also, there were parts of his body hurting that he didn’t know existed. That had to be because of the sex.
The water was cool on his tongue, and it did clear his mind a little, too.
“Where are you coming from at this hour?” An angry whisper made him turn.
Just great. Jett had to have a sixth sense to know he was in so fast. But it had always been like this. As estranged as they had been for years now, Tom could still recall how Jett knew, as a kid, when he was home, even when he hadn’t sent word that he would be back so that he could surprise his family.
He threw Jett a withering look, hoping that it would be enough to stop him from turning this into a conversation. No such luck. Jett closed the kitchen door carefully after him. Tom took a moment to look at his son. He had every reason to be proud. His kid was tall and strong, and really good looking.
He also had a boyfriend for whose sake he was whispering now instead of shouting. With a small tinge of regret, Tom realized he was jealous of Jett for being able to go back to bed to his partner whenever he wanted.
Now that was one hard to swallow pill.
“I’m not being held accountable by the likes of you.” Aggressiveness was in his blood. And he wouldn’t think of strange desires to crawl back in the bed with someone at this hour. No, not someone, but a certain possessor of the bluest eyes he had ever seen in his life. “What am I? Twelve? I’m your father, and I can come home whenever I want.”
That should do it. Jett couldn’t be in the mood to fight, seeing how everyone else in the house was still asleep.
“Oh, really? It didn’t cross your mind that some people might worry, right?”
Jett worried. Tom wanted to believe that, hell, he had been wanting Jett to care for years, but he doubted it. No, he couldn’t blame Jett. After all, the kid had remained without both parents. But he had been so adamant about staying with his aunt Flora after Mary had passed away, that Tom had felt that forcing the boy to follow him would be a mistake.
Now, he wasn’t so sure anymore.
Put that down to past mistakes.
“Don’t take me for a fool, Jett. I know exactly how much you care. You made it pretty clear yesterday. Just to put your mind at ease, I’m in one piece, as you can see.”
It was better to push Jett away and care for his wellbeing from a reasonable emotional distance. Yes, that was what he needed to do. He cared about the boy, and he didn’t need him to worry about him. That was not a son’s debt to pay.
Tom gripped the glass of water and took another sip.
“I don’t give a rat’s ass about that,” Jett said aggressively. “Where have you been the entire night? What did you say to April’s dad? Were you with him all this time?”
Questions, questions, questions! Was it written on his forehead what he had done?
He slammed the glass down on the counter. “That’s none of your business, is it?” he said with a small hiss.
“It is. April’s dad wanted to talk to you for a reason.”
“Yeah. He made that clear.”
What the hell did the boy want from him now? Tom was starting to sweat. If Jett knew, all he had tried to build to convince him that it wasn’t a good decision to stick with April when he needed to be a responsible man and take care of his own son would go down the drain.
Jett sat in the door, his arms crossed across his chest, and with a deep frown on his face.
Tom could feel his body getting hotter, and his sweat more difficult to bear. With a growl, he took one step forward. “Out of my way, boy.” He needed out. He couldn’t bear those judgmental eyes reading right into his soul. He was very much afraid of what Jett might find there if he looked too much.
“April is not leaving,” Jett said, setting his jaw hard.
Right. It was all because of the boy that Jett was getting so interested in him and his whereabouts. This wasn’t about their relationship as father and son.
“April this, April that.” His frustration at not being able to get out of the kitchen was getting the better of him. “Is there nothing else on your mind, boy? Like having a son? Living responsibly?”
That was surely a topic that Jett wouldn’t like. But it was his duty, as his father, to remember him all that.
Hypocrite.
Damn Sid and his voice. Tom would have a hard time trying to get that guy out of his head.
“Living responsibly? What’s that even supposed to mean? You care about Carina getting an honest job. You order April to go to school. It’s me you don’t care even to say anything like that!”
What? What was that all about? It wasn’t like Jett to like being ordered around.
Tom let the words out before he could control them. Jett didn’t care about him at all. “I know what you are. Do you think I’m blind? You’re a thug, and you’re so spoiled for anything good in your life that you’re not worth the trouble.”
Damn, talking about the wrong things to say. Jett’s face changed, and, for a moment, he looked like that kid who had lost the most important person in his life those many years ago.
Another hard to swallow pill. He couldn’t back down now. Their relationship was severely compromised and beyond repair. Tom needed to think only of putting Jett on the right path. “Just make right by that kid,” he added. “Maybe your wife will manage to make an honest man out of you. God knows I tried.”
“You didn’t try enough,” Jett said, closing his fists.
You didn’t try enough.
Guilt trips were personal. There was no room for extra passengers.
“Says who? You? All you cared, all your life, has been to do the opposite of everything I’ve ever told you.” Tom knew his own internalized loathing was clouding his judgment now, but it was like he couldn’t stop. If his kid thought so badly of him already, there was nothing he could say to make it better. He would just continue to care for him the only way he knew how, even if that meant saying hurtful words.
Jett no longer looked lost. He was angry, and Tom knew that anger was good for a man. Maybe Jett hated him, but he would have to see reason, after all.
“Whatever. April is not leaving. That’s all I want you to understand.”
The standard sentence that went through the mind of a young man like Jett.
Whatever.
It felt terrible that Jett didn’t care about their relationship, but it was good that he didn’t.
Jett moved away, letting him finally flee the kitchen. Tom fought with all his might against the need to run for real. Instead, he walked with heavy steps, not sparing Jett a glance on his way out.
***
“That glass must have done something really bad to you, Mr. Huntsman.”
Tom stopped wiping the glass in his hand and put it down. He threw Carina a look that was supposed to make her understand that it wasn’t a good idea to talk to him at all.
“What do you know?” he said brusquely. “You kids could live in this pigsty as it is without realizing how bad it is.”
Carina looked around, and her eyes narrowed. “Is that a stain on the wall behind you?”
Tom turned on his heels and stared at the empty wall. There was nothing there.
“It’s nothing there. Stop bothering me. Where is your child?”
“Asleep and happy. Diapers changed, belly full, and he even got a lot of hugs and kisses. Satisfied?”
Tom grunted.
“There’s someone else around here who’s in much need of hugs,” Carina added.
“What?”
“Mr. Huntsman, would it be too much to leave April and Jett alone?”
“I’m not taking parenting lessons from you.”
“Good. ‘Cause it’s not about parenting. It’s about being open-minded.”
“I’m not against the boy being gay!” Tom exclaimed and returned to wiping the glass. “When are you, people, going to understand that?”
“Hmm.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. If you’re here to bother me, just get it all out. Not that I have to listen. I have lunch to prepare.”
“About that. Let me help. I’m bored out of my wits with April and Jett out of the house, and Jay sleeping.”
“Are you sure you want to help? You could just go watch TV or play with your phone or something.”
“I was hoping you could teach me how to cook,” Carina said, completely unfazed by him.
Tom stopped. Yeah, that could be a good idea. It would also serve to learn more about the girl. After all, he wanted Jett to get together with her, the mother of his son, and not with that pretty boy.
***
Carina had been surprisingly obedient throughout the cooking lesson, but Tom still felt a little bit on guard about the girl. No one could tell what really went through her head.
“I heard you came back late last night,” she said all of a sudden.
“Did Jett tell you anything?”
“No, but your door is next to mine, so I just heard you.”
“I didn’t want to wake you up.”
“Jay wakes me up sometimes, anyway.” Carina followed him with his eyes. “It was five a.m. or so.”
“And? Are you going to question me about where I was?”
Carina smiled. “Nope.”
Tom didn’t like that smile at all. What could it be she was thinking right now? The girl was a mystery. “Well, you helped enough. Run along, young lady.”
Carina stood up and threw him a pensive look. “Jett is a lot like you, Mr. Huntsman.”
She left him with that.
Yes, Jett was like him, and that complicated matters. And maybe that was why he was so attracted to that boy, and it was all his father’s fault, not his.
Tom clenched his hands into fists. Regardless of how much it hurt, he needed to shield Jett from disappointment later on. From guilt and sleepless nights. Maybe it all looked like fun with Jay being still a baby, but that wouldn’t last forever. The kid would grow, and he would start asking questions about why his parents weren’t together.
Admitting to his own guilt would be too much, and it would serve no one. What served was action, and that meant that he needed to have the same conversation with Jett, and insist on him seeing reason.
It didn’t matter that last night had been so amazing. It had been about release and having fun, and nothing else. In the light of the day, other things mattered much more.
***
Tom waited for April to be out of earshot so that he could start the conversation he wanted to have with Jett. For the moment, it looked like the boy wasn’t anywhere in sight.
“Son, we need to talk about your situation. Whether you like it or not.”
Jett threw him a withering look. “There’s nothing to talk about. I told you this morning, didn’t I?”
“And? That doesn’t change the truth.”
“What truth?”
“Jett, you have a son. What are you going to do? Dismiss him like he’s nothing?”
For a moment, Jett looked like he wanted to say something. But he refrained, as it seemed, and said something else. “Will you get off my case already?”
Great. Now he was shouting. Tom could feel his heart rate rising. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared Jett down. The boy would have to see reason. “I told you I wasn’t going to let you off the hook.” The more he insisted, the more Jett would have to see things in their true light.
“And I told you, loud and clear, that nothing would change my mind.”
Talking about stubborn. Tom turned his head and noticed April in the door to the backyard, standing there awkwardly, with his phone clutched in one hand. Who could he have been talking about? For a second, Tom wondered if April didn’t have his father on the phone right that moment, and Sid could hear everything.
“This boy,” Tom pointed at April, “has no business living with you like you two are married or something. I can’t let you do this.”
April stared at him like a deer caught in the headlights. At least, the boy could see some sense where Jett couldn’t. It was evident that the situation was uncomfortable for him.
“Why does it matter what you think?” Jett shouted. “You’re never home. You don’t care. April doesn’t leave, and that’s final!”
You’re never home. You don’t care.
You should have known better.
Time never turned back. It flew away and thrived on human mistakes. What could he do to make Jett see that all he did was to make sure Jett would be happy?
April cleared his throat and raised one hand. Tom stared at him. “Maybe I could let you two talk about your, um, issues, on your own time.”
“April, you’re not leaving.” That was Jett, with all the hotheadedness of his young years.
Tom set all his attention on April. Maybe the kid knew what was right, after all. Maybe whatever was between him and Jett wasn’t all that strong.
April began talking, somewhat hesitating. “Okay, but, you know, it’s your father’s house, and it feels like --”
“It’s not his house,” Jett said. “It’s mine.” He followed his words with a finger pointed at his chest.
Tom clenched his teeth hard. It wasn’t his home; that was correct. But it was an unspoken rule between them that Jett would never bring that up. But it appeared that he had been wrong. “I was waiting for you to bring that up.”
It was a lie. He had hoped Jett would never bring that up.
“Aunt Flora left it to me. You sold your house.”
Your house. Not ours.
“Because it wasn’t a home. No one wanted to live there anymore.” No. He hadn’t wanted to live there anymore. It had stunk of death and pain and regrets. And he couldn’t stand expecting Mary at every corner, beautiful and full of life, every moment spent there. It would have turned him mad.
“That’s right.” Jett’s voice was stone-hard. His hands were clenched into fists. “And that means I do what I want in my own house.”
Right through the heart.
“Hmm.” It was hard to keep a steady voice while his insides were sinking. “Everything is about what you want to do, isn’t it? You don’t care that it’s wrong.”
“Wrong? What’s wrong? Wanting to be with April? Why? Because he’s a dude, and you can’t think of two dudes living together?”
“If this is you trying to make me into some bigot, you’re wasting your breath, son. I have nothing against the boy. You just have other priorities right now.” He tried to manage his voice, to keep it from breaking into anger or something else.
Jett was beyond listening to reason now. “Like what? Carina and I will take good care of Jay, don’t you worry. We’ll do it our way.”
“Just as much as the baby is your son, he’s also my grandson.”
“Your grandson? You’ve never held him once!”
Another shot. Jett’s aim was true.
“I don’t need to hold him to care for his wellbeing.”
Why hadn’t he held Jay? Tom wasn’t sure. But it felt like he would do something wrong if he got too involved. Or he was afraid that broken dams wouldn’t hold water any longer.
Jett continued berating him, his voice growing louder and louder. “That’s you. All alone in your world. God forbid anyone touches that.”
All alone?
“I lived enough to know what’s right.” Tom could feel a headache coming. Jett was so stubborn, so, so stubborn. And this wasn’t an argument either of them wanted to lose.
“You should have lived enough to know you’re wrong,” Jett said.
“Think that all you want. As long as I’m here, I’ll do my best to put you on the right path.” If he stood his ground, if he believed and nothing else mattered, he would make his son see the truth.
“As long as you’re here? Does that mean all this shit is going to stop if you leave? Then, you know what? You’re not welcome anymore!”
Tom could hear the pounding of his blood in his ears. All these years, he had hoped he would never hear those words. But now, Jett had said them, and just as he had imagined, it hurt like all hell.
A small gasp came from April. “Jett,” he said in a reproachful voice.
“Are you saying that I should leave?” Tom couldn’t yet believe Jett meant all that. He couldn’t, right? Despite everything, they were father and son.
“Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Pack your bags and go wherever you want to be in this world. Not here. Don’t come here anymore if all you want to do is make me bend to your will. I’m not doing squat.”
Talking again about hard to swallow pills. If Jett wanted him to leave, maybe it was all for the best. God knew what he would do next. But, for now, with his son shouting at him and sending him packing, there was just one course of action to take. “If that’s what you want.”
His feet were made of lead as he walked away. Jett didn’t spare him a glance. April, on the other hand, stared at him with moist eyes. Jett was wrong. He didn’t have anything against April; April was a good boy, and his father had raised him well.
***
All his life had been nothing but packing and unpacking. His base was his home, but, to himself, he needed to admit that it had never felt like a real home. It was just somewhere he could sleep. There was no one waiting for him to come back. There was too much silence, and the only people he ever interacted with were either his subordinates, superiors, or equals in rank. He didn’t do friendships. Some people did consider him that, and he didn’t contradict them, but that was all.
Throughout each year, there had always been a beacon he could turn after: the month of leave he got that he always spent home, with Jett.
But, according to his son, that wasn’t his home. It was just another place where he came and went.
With steady gestures, he placed his clothes, toiletries, and other things in the suitcase he carried with him. Where would he go now? Money was not an issue. He could stay at a motel, hotel, or hell, he could go on a vacation, a first in many years.
While Mary had been well and healthy, they had used to go on vacation all the time. Jett was quite the adventurer. Tom smiled, but then, he shook his head. Mary was gone. And Jett had finally spoken his mind. He couldn’t stand the sight of his father, and the burden of guilt was not something for him to bear.
Tom closed the suitcase and looked around the room one last time. That was Jett’s bedroom, so his eyes traveled to the few artifacts that his son loved so much, a car poster on the wall, an old plastic figurine. For years, the other room where Carina and Jay were now, had been his, and Tom had silently appreciated Jett taking care of it and keeping it clean. The rest of the house was, usually, much more neglected. Much of each leave, Tom spent making it livable, although he knew that next year, he would find it the same, and start all over.
Now there would be no such things anymore. There had been something final in how Jett had talked to him today. There was no turning back. They would still see each other, but Tom would be what he had always been. A guest. A stranger.
That was all. He would soon be out of that house and out of his son’s life for good. Maybe it was all for the better. Not for him because that wasn’t something easy to live with, but for Jett, who truly hated his guts.
His phone ringing interrupted his train of thought.
“Yes?” he asked gruffly without checking the caller ID.
“I heard everything.”
Sid’s voice in his ear gave him pause.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Oh, yeah.”
Without seeing him for real, Tom could still imagine Sid cocking his head to one side and throwing him an all-knowing grin while imitating his speech mannerism. “Doesn’t your kid keep anything from you? Ever?”
“Never. He tells me everything. And he just called to tell me you had a huge fight with Jett, and now you’re leaving the house.”
Tom sighed. The last thing he needed was to hear Sid’s voice. All right, that wasn’t entirely true. He had wished to hear Sid again. See him again. But only more like a fantasy, not something real.
“Are you still there?”
“Yes.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Not sure just yet. First, I need to find a place for tonight. Then I’ll see.”
“Do you still have leave days?”
“A little more than three weeks, yes.”
“Then come stay with me.”
“Come stay with you?” Without realizing, Tom raised his voice. It was such an astonishing thing to say, but that was Sid, so normal rules didn’t apply to him. He dropped his voice considerably. “Are you sure? I’m a stranger.”
“Who had his cock up my ass and doesn’t want to talk about it.”
Tom gulped. So like Sid to say such things. That kind of image was bound to haunt him. He had no time for this. “I still don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fine. Just come.”
“Just like that?”
“Just like that. I told you that you need fixing.”
“It won’t work.”
“What?”
“This fixing you’re talking about.”
“We’ll see. This is my address. Write it down. It’s about an hour's drive.”
“Okay.”
“I’m at work right now. But if you’re there before me, you’ll find the spare key under a pot on the left. It’s the one with a tall dead stalk in it.”
“You leave spare keys all over the place like that?”
“I have nothing worth stealing; trust me.”
“Still.”
A small chuckle followed. “See you at home, Tom.”
Tom stood in the middle of the room, stunned for lack of a better word to describe how he felt.
See you at home.
Magic lived in the little things, after all.
TBC