Development Sneak Peek: Romantic Relationships & "Marriage" Customs (Patreon)

Hey everyone!! I've run out of CH9 specific previews for now so I decided this was a good opportunity to do a post for some world-building instead. Specifically, an aspect I've gotten a lot of questions about on the blog but didn't want to answer yet due to how far off we were from it in-game, but I think now is the right time to delve deeper into it: committed romantic relationships!

Note that none of the following is based in any real life history or culture as those tend to be very patriarchal, so all of this is straight from my brain lol.

Relationship structures and social rules

First, romantic relationships can be either monogamous or polyamorous. Monogamy tends to be more common, but polyamory is an accepted part of society as well. When polyamory is practiced, though, all the partners involved tend to be/are expected to be in committed relationships with at least one other person involved--in other words, open relationships would not be seen as permissible. This goes together with the fact that "casual dating" would be highly frowned upon as well, or actually, just straight up unthinkable.

The reason behind this is a rigid mindset around relationships due to social customs involving social hierarchy and magic. Romance and courtships tends to be very structured in Arsurian society rather than allowed to be fluid, because they have various ideas about who is suited for who based on their family's class position, and the family's reputation is incredibly important.

(Note that this is considered separate from purely sexual relationships: if it's made clear that there are no intentions of courtship involved, people are generally free to sleep with whoever they want. X, for example, makes it very clear whether they want to court someone or only want to sleep with them in order to avoid issues like this lol)

If you're from a well-off merchant family, a good match would be someone from another family in a similar class position. Marrying from a family of other merchants, or magi scholars, for example. It'd be considered a "step up" for you if you courted someone with a minor noble title, unless your family was particularly rich, and similarly it'd be a "step down" if you courted someone with a more modest profession, such as a carpenter or a farmer, but both of these options would still be permissible. 

It'd be borderline impossible, however, to court a noble with a high-ranking position, or to court someone poor with no suitable family background. Ironically, the more importance and renown your family name has, the more rules you get saddled with about who you are "allowed" to court in order to avoid public scandal. There is no custom of "arranged marriages", at least not formally, but you can imagine that families will tend to push their kids towards each other if they feel they'd be a good match. So, maybe mildly arranged through subtle social pressure lol.

As you can tell, the role of the family is pretty important--Arsur itself is a collectivist society, and its courtships tend to reflect this as well. For the average Arsurian, the rules are a lot less strict, but this kind of attitude still widespread. Casual dating or open relationships could cause all sorts of issues if you end up getting multiple families involved.

There are, however, exceptions to the rules. The most politically powerful people in the Empire, such as the Crown, the Mîr, or especially high-ranking nobility, are known to take on casual lovers (royal concubines for the Crown, for example) at the same time as being in committed relationships. This is in part because it's very difficult for them to find a "suitable" match since their stations in society are so high, so they're kind of given free reign to mess around as much as they want. In fact, being a casual lover of one of these people is even seen as a brag and signifying status.

So, yeah, the social customs around this are quite restrictive and not remotely fair lol.

The common attitude around relationships is also reinforced by religion and the role of magic. More on that below!

Romance and courtship customs

Unlike modern times, there are a lot less labels and stages to a relationship in Arsurian society, especially since casual dating isn't a thing, so there are much less gray areas. 

First, there's basically the courtship phase. If you decide you like someone enough to pursue them, you're expected to propose a courtship to them as well as their family as soon as possible--to not do so but continue to flirt would be seen as shady. If the proposal is accepted, then you'll be getting to know each other more and deciding whether or not you (and your families) are suited to each other. The one upside is that the courtship phase can last a very long time, even several years, if that's how long it takes to make certain. There tends to be a lot of gift-giving in this phase as well to impress your potential lover's family especially lmao. 

Obviously you can have multiple courtships going, so long as everyone courting you is aware of this and agrees to it. If they don't agree (i.e. they're monogamous) they break off the courtship and everyone moves on--breaking off the courtship is no big deal in most cases, and done pretty easily.

The second and final phase is the promised phase. Once two or more people do choose to enter into a committed relationship after courting each other for some time, this is where magic starts coming into play. During a Ceremony of Promise, they will exchange tokens with each other--usually some form of jewelry--that has an essence of their magic stored into it, and exchange these tokens with each other. In religious custom, as the spirit is considered to be the source of someone's magic, this is essentially like carrying your lover's spirit with you, as proof of your commitment to each other.

These tokens are called Tokens of Promise, hence people who are in this stage of the relationship are referred to as being "promised" to each other, as an equivalent to being "married" to each other. Similarly, equivalent to wife/husband/SO/partner, people in this stage are referred to as "promised one", i.e. "my/her/his/their promised one(s)".

Even people who aren't usually sensitive or adept with magic tend to feel the effects of carrying a token of their promised one's magic with them. People who are promised to each other are able to sense each other even across vast distances, and are completely in tune with their promised one(s) feelings and emotional state. It's even possible to share magic with each other; magi who are promised are especially well-known of working well together and performing incredible feats of magic due to their bond.

People's magic signatures can even evolve due to the bond. Their affinity won't change, but it can take on characteristics of their promised one(s) own affinity. For example, Harun's affinity was to air and Nazire's was to fire. After being promised to each other for a year, Harun's magic signature, which felt like a calm breeze, became more similar to smoke carrying embers on the wind, while Nazire's tempered flames became more like a raging wildfire swelling in heat and intensity. 

This is phenomenon is also called a "merging (of the spirits)". It doesn't always occur; it depends on how good the relationship is. Some promised couples never achieve a merging ever (usually the case in more arranged relationships), while some experience it even mere months after becoming promised. 

You can imagine that divorcing (referred to as a "severing of the promise", which requires the aid of a priest) could be a bit... painful, emotionally speaking but sometimes even physically. Especially people who have severed their promise after their bonds have already merged, tend to describe it as feeling a persistent, dull ache wherever they used to carry their token (finger, wrist, chest, earlobe, etc) as if they had lost a limb. Their magical signature sometimes reverts to what it was before, but... sometimes it also stays the same. 

This is part of why the courtship phase can last several years as well. After you go into the promised phase, it's not only difficult for the families involved to separate but especially difficult for the actual promised couple who have exchanged tokens, let alone couples whose bonds have already merged. You want to be extremely sure of who you're promising yourself to in order to minimize the risk of separation later. 

It's also, in part, why casual relations are so frowned upon. The weight and importance given to promising oneself feeds into the same rigid attitude towards how relationships are structured. 

Aaand that was all for this topic! Hope you enjoyed the insight and have a better idea of what a committed relationship with the LIs could look like for your Crown in the future... 👀

Until next time💖