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▶ Original Upload Date: February 5th, 2022 

[the sound of air conditioning and typing fades in. Then the sound of the door knocking. Then, footsteps and the door unlocks]

Hey baby, remember me? [slams door] muffled Oh come on, don’t be like that. I really hate the way things ended between us. We never really got to say goodbye. [brief pause] Oh come on babe, don’t be like that, after all not muffled You should know I’m not good with goodbyes. What’s the matter, you act like you’ve just seen a ghost? Don’t you recognize the love of your life when he’s standing right in front of you? [brief pause] Did we technically break up though? I mean you having me attacked by The Association in a rather…painful manner isn’t technically a break-up since you never said the words “We are over Andrew”. [brief pause] How did I survive? Well, technically I didn’t. I was indeed “dealt with”; however, the trio of attackers made the foolish mistake of telling me who sent their regards. It’s a shame that nobody read my novels because they would know that THAT is how people come back. Speaking of them, I had no idea you were dating one of them. How long has it been since I died the second time? A couple months? That’s a bit soon don’t you think? One might call that…heartless? Hahaha and people think that we vampires are cold-hearted since our hearts never beat. [brief pause] Oh come on dear, don’t be like that. I am as real as our love is…or, well, was. Is it the face? Because if it is, we can get past that, it’s just that when you're sent back to hell and then have to negotiate a deal with Lucifer for love…and revenge…it takes a toll on one's facial features. So sorry if I don’t look like the male model you first fell in love with when you found out he was a vampire. [brief pause] Things have changed? In what way? The fact that you’re technically cheating on me? Yeah I can see that. [brief pause] Ah ah ah like I said, you never said, “we are over Andrew”. [brief pause] Okay now I can tell you’re just acting out. You need to rest. I mean you are spending an unhealthy amount of time on the computer. I mean hmmm let’s see what we got here. Uhhhh hmmmm OOOOOOHHH you’re trying to dig up dirt on this start-up company that is supposedly responsible for all the recent kidnappings? Or should I say alleged kidnappings…uhh ahh DAMI.EN? Hmm why do I feel like that’s somehow familiar? Hmph. Anyways gun cocks Oh…hey baby, what you got there? [brief pause] Really? Is that so?? A gun specifically meant for vampires? Well, by all means, go for it. gun shots Hmph, you have the aim of your so-called new partner’s brother; at least before I drained him of all his blood.

Babe, come on, why do you have to be like this. What do they have that I don’t. As far as I know, they’re human and I’m a vampire. I could’ve turned you into a vampire and we could’ve had our happily ever after together. [brief pause] So what babe? Yeah I could only go out at sunset, but you’re at work during the morning and afternoon. You didn’t come home until sun down anyways. And didn’t we always have the best times? [brief pause] Oh come now, now you’re just being heartless. Don’t you know how great we are together? I mean, I’m way better than them! At least my brother put up a fight before I had to put him down because he was developing feelings for you. You know how I get babe when I sense threats to our relationship. [brief pause] What? This is why what? Why you tried to…unsuccessfully, put me down? [brief pause] Hahah attention shmention. Like anyone would have a chance. Now come on baby, give me a kiss. Let’s stop fighting. [brief pause] Oh babe. whoosh and grab You were always stubborn. vampire feeding for a while Mmmm you taste as good as the first night I sank my fangs into your beautiful neck. Hahahaha. slaps Mmmm I felt that. Babe, remember the therapist said that you shouldn’t be hitting me. I bet if I was your precious hunter, you would be treating me a bit better. Come on baby, I’m way better than them. I mean look at me, I’m durable as fuck! I mean you can’t get rid of me that easily! They would probably tap out or pass out within the first few minutes of what I was put through. Come on baby, you’re my soulmate and I know I’m yours. whoosh and stab sfx OOMMFF, oww. That hurt a little. And btw, you missed. Honey, I think you need to calm down a bit. Here, let me try to assist you. whoosh and grab Hey baby, can I have this dance? vampire feeding for a while and then gasps for air There you go, you’re slightly more calm now. You should get some rest, I’ll be right here waiting for you. Shhhh…just shhhh…[brief pause] What’s that baby? [brief pause] Awww baby, why would I want to go to Hell? It’s not hot enough for me and is not nearly as beautiful to look at as you, my sweet. Hahahahahahahaha, get your rest babe, tonight’s date night.

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