IM SORRY (Patreon)

Greetings and Salutations. 

I just wanted to give everybody an update on what's been going on and why I haven't thanked ALOT of you for donating (yet) as well as responding to DMs until now. As most of you may or may not know, I lost my mother on August 11th, 2021 at 11:00 am. I know it has been over a month now and I have gone back to uploading. However, things haven't fully gone back to normal. My mental health has sort of been "wonky", but I just feel like there's something else wrong with me. 

To anyone who has lost a parent(s), I am sure you know the feeling. But to those that don't, this is what it feels like. Keep in mind, I mean no disrespect to any other members of my family. 

Imagine not being able to talk to someone anymore not because of long-distance, not because of a falling out, or even a small fight that gets resolved. Imagine never being able to hear their voice besides from old videos or voicemails you haven't erased. Now imagine that being your mother or father. Despite all the times you've told your parent(s), "I hate you" and all that stuff, you've more or less made up in a short amount of time. You still love them. Now imagine losing them at a younger or younger age. Imagine never being able to hear your parent say, "I love you too [your name]" The only voice you have of them is, as mentioned above, old videos and voicemails. It's like a part of you is missing.

Now on top of that, imagine having the stress of rent, utility bill (electricity, water, sewage), the internet bill, and pets that obviously need food, loving care, and attention. Imagine not being able to mourn because of how YouTube treats its creators at times and granted yes, people pledging to my Patreon is of their own doing and if they feel I deserve it and continue to do pledge if they choose to (AND I LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU ALL). All that financial and miscellanious stress does some shit to you. 

Pile on having a mental disorder, it can get rough. However, I am slowly getting back on top of stuff. I'm trying to search high and low for all the promised $25 personalized scripts and in general, doing somewhat better in my work. 

Thank you for taking the time to read all this. Again, I love and appreciate you all. 

Stay healthy and stay Pandastc!

- Panda