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I can't wait to start my Only Fans—China Uncensored.

—Chris

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Tony Chopkoski

Undoubtably, the NBA will be used as shock troops in the invasion of Taiwan.

Tony Chopkoski

Did she put mustard on the banana?

R. W.

Here is a little inside information on what happened with China and "Only Fans". Xi was tired of hassling with a VPN, and jealous of North Korean soldiers in Russia being able to access the site freely, so he ordered it unblocked. Then, the sudden onslaught of traffic from Chinese officials made the site laggy and hard to access, especially the videos of Xi's favorite channels, "Banana Mayonnaise Girl", and "Going Down on Taiwan with My Missle" . Frustrated with constant buffering, much worse than on his favorite VPN provider, "Peking At Internet", he ordered the site to be blocked again. With demand reduced, Xi is now able to get back to "planning invasions". Hey Chris, "Only Fans" closed your account, but you got a signup request from something called "Smooth Boys with Beards". Might want to check it out.