How Does Orchid Know All the Gossip? (Patreon)

My dear reader, I have a most remarkable secret to share with you. I have in my possession a team of psychic cats, trained to read the very thoughts of anyone, anywhere, at any time! It's true, I swear it on my abuela's biscuit recipe.

In fact, I've gone to great lengths to establish a global network of cat cafes, where my feline spies can teleport in and out like lightning bolts. These cafes serve as portals for my magnificent mind-reading cats, who gather the most delectable and tantalising gossip for my column.

It may sound like the stuff of fairy tales, but I assure you, it's all too real. And the results have been nothing short of sensational! My readers clamour for the shocking revelations my feline friends uncover - it's pawsitively scandalous, darling! So rest assured, my dear reader, as long as I have my psychic cats by my side, the world of gossip will never be the same.