October Update ✨ (Patreon)

Hello my lovely patrons 💕 - and a special welcome to all new friends who have joined recently. Your support means so much and helps me a lot as an independent creator.

I'm still getting over an annoying cold that somehow came back to haunt me. Karma for being healthy for over a year and a half, I suppose. But I'm feeling a lot healthier than 2 days ago so I will soon be back to making videos and reacting to your requests! 🌕

With the devastating news of Sulli I haven't been in the mood to film or post videos at all, to be honest. I'm sure it has affected many of you as well. It's just so heartbreaking and it makes me really angry, but it's important to remember that she's now at peace, free from the hatred and cruelty of this world.
I was chatting with some of you in my Discord after it happened and it really helped me to not go through it alone. I sent a message there that I want to share here, so that anyone struggling will know;

(the picture is rather small, but it's pinned in the #general chat on my Discord or you can open it in a new tab to see it bigger!)

While I've been unable to record videos (I've wanted to but my energy disappears so fast, and I'm honestly just a coughing mess who needs to blow my nose all the time - ew) I have instead been working on updates for mainly my Patreon, but also small changes for all my social media platforms.
The tiers are all going to change in the near future - I had originally planned on doing this for the new year 2020 (I can't wait, what an amazing number!!!) but some changes are coming into play before that. More info soon! 💕

I joined Patreon in June 2018 when I found out about the upcoming LOONA concert, also because I had the thought of posting my live stage reactions there. I still had my day job at McDonald's at the time. I was very unhappy when I got back from Korea, for a lot of reasons. I later made this video about it, as well. I quit my job at McDonald's one year ago now in October. I still live in the same apartment and everything, but haven't gone back there once lol.

I did this because I needed a break from everything to deal with stuff. Luckily I could still pay my bills with the help of my Patreon, a couple of sponsored videos and mainly because of my savings. I'm so grateful that I could do that and it was one of the best things I ever did. I have learned so much since about myself and how I want to live. I struggled with addiction and depression during this time (and while I worked at McDonald's as well), and today I am proud and happy to say that I'm thriving and feeling better than I have my whole life.

Because I want to be an independent creator and continue this work I'm doing. Even though it is "only" reaction videos mostly (at least so far) it is something I genuinely enjoy doing. Because I know I'm not watching alone when I do my reactions, especially the Patreon-exclusive videos where I can really relax and be myself. I want to be a friend that you can watch with and I pride myself on being genuine and vulnerable but also entertaining.

And the fact that I have created my own little community on Discord and Patreon is something I really love. Because we're ALL friends now! YES I KNOW IT SOUNDS CHEESY but that's how it feels.

I want to be as honest and transparent with you as possible with everything I do. The reason I haven't showed my pledge publically is because of fear, to be honest. Fear of what people would think and how they would judge me and  what I do for a living. But that's no way to live, so I'm working on that. I want to be daring greatly, like Brené Brown says. And I also need to put a value on my work, because no one is going to do that for me, like Brené Brown also says! I really love her. Both of these are hard but important lessons that I am currently learning.

I will update you all more soon about the new tiers and my motivation for having them, along with more new fun stuff coming to my Patreon! But I should probably end this post now, I didn't expect it to be this long but I had a lot to say. Lots of reflecting and thinking the last few days. And I get even more emotional and sensitive during one of my (man)colds, so.

 Thank you all for loving me the way you do. I love you, too! 💕 Talk to you soon.