Why am I so afraid to say it... - part 1-4 (Patreon)

Two captions because at first, I thought it would just be a short story, but then it got longer, and I couldn’t find any images of this girl... so I had to make them myself. But I didn’t want to lose the original, so that’s why it’s like this.

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Collection (all 12 parts + add. materials): https://www.patreon.com/collection/815616

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Part 1

'Jeez... never thought I'd be doing something like this... let alone this often,' Jake muttered, barely containing his frustration as he twisted uncomfortably, holding a razor and trying to carefully shave the last few hairs from the area between his legs. His muscles ached, and his back began to throb from being bent over for so long. He let out a sharp breath, put his leg back down on the floor, and stared at his reflection in the mirror.

— Damn it... — Jake sighed, tilting his head back and staring up at the ceiling. He still couldn’t get used to these new sensations. His body felt foreign, even though it had been like this for a while now. Every morning, he woke up hoping it had just been another nightmare, but everything stayed the same.

'Damn wish,' he thought, remembering that night when he had been alone and, for some reason, decided to say out loud what he had only occasionally thought about.

— Hey, gorgeous, haha, how’s it going? — came Stephanie’s voice unexpectedly. She had become a frequent visitor to his apartment again, though now in a very different role.

…

That evening, he hadn’t known why he did it—maybe to test his courage, to see if he could admit it not just to himself, but say it out loud. He had been scared of it, always without fully understanding why. He smirked inwardly and slowly opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

'This is harder than I thought...' he mused with a small smile, though it only strengthened his resolve. 'Come on, I’m alone here. What’s the big deal? Why is it so scary to say?' Growing more frustrated, he started to speak.

— I’d like to be... a woman... for a week... or maybe two — he whispered quietly. Jake froze, as if expecting something to change right then and there, as if the universe itself was about to respond to his bold wish. But everything remained still. Only the hum of his computer and the distant noise of the street outside filled the silence.

A smile spread across his face.

— No, I should’ve said it louder. Why am I so afraid to say it... though yeah, talking to myself is kind of dumb — he laughed, loudly and boisterously, and said again — Well then... I’d like to be a woman for a week! Maybe even two! — Jake shouted the words, almost defiantly, as if trying to banish the fear that still lurked somewhere deep inside. His laughter echoed in the empty room, and he almost heard a voice answering him, fully aware that it was just his own imagination.

— Fine, it’s a deal — he replied to himself, oddly not feeling any fear, understanding perfectly well that it was all just a game of his mind, and he nervously chuckled.

That evening, he went about his usual activities, trying not to dwell on what had happened. But even during his routine tasks, thoughts of that strange wish wouldn’t leave him, and he felt the need to repeat it again and again, to... stop being afraid?

Each time he voiced the wish—whether as a joke or with a nervous laugh—something inside him shifted. The thought of being a woman didn’t scare him as much anymore. It no longer seemed so frightening, and he was even glad about that. 'Damn, why was I always afraid to admit that it’s just fear?' Jake pondered, staring at his reflection in the mirror. Everything now felt different. A change had taken place in his mind. What had started as an awkward desire, hidden behind walls of fear and self-judgment, now seemed less threatening. Each time he voiced his wish, that fear weakened, dissolving more and more.

It no longer felt like something forbidden, like some kind of taboo. 'What’s so wrong with just admitting what I want?' he asked himself, feeling a sense of lightness from the realization. And every time he said it out loud, he had the sense that "tomorrow" something would happen, even though he knew it was all nonsense.

…

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Part 2

Jake slept easily, peacefully, despite all his recent thoughts and doubts. He felt the tension slowly fade away, and sleep enveloped him gently and naturally.

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Upon waking the next morning, Jake immediately knew something was off. His body felt different, lighter, as if all the tension had melted away overnight. He stretched, and when his hand accidentally brushed against his body, he froze. It was... strangely soft. His heart stopped for a moment, then started racing. Jake slowly opened his eyes and looked around.

'No, this can't be...' flashed through his mind as he sat up and looked down at his body.

What he saw was exactly what he had expected—and feared. His body was female. He raised a hand and ran it over his face, feeling the softer features and hair cascading down his shoulders. Every movement was smooth and somehow natural, yet it all still felt unreal.

He jumped out of bed, rushed to the mirror, and froze when he saw the reflection of a woman—slender, with delicate features and long hair. It was him, but in a woman’s body. His wish, the one he had repeated over and over, to which he had nearly stopped paying attention, had somehow become reality.

— No... this is impossible... — Jake whispered, touching his face, his neck, his hips. It was real, but how?

Each touch felt familiar and yet completely foreign. He started to panic, trying to find an explanation. Mentally, he cycled through every possibility: maybe it was a dream? Or maybe he was just losing his mind? But his sensations were too vivid, too real.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm down, but the panic inside him only grew. All this time, he had thought it was just a game of imagination, a wish that could never come true. And now, here it was, right in front of him. His own words, spoken with such certainty and defiance, had somehow manifested into reality.

Jake moved closer to the mirror, inspecting his new body carefully. He tried to relax, focusing on what had only seemed terrifying and impossible the day before. Now that it was real, he suddenly realized that instead of fear, he felt a strange curiosity.

— Well, there you go, — he said to his reflection, — this is what you wanted. Now you're in this body. So, what now?

Trying to calm himself, Jake began to examine his reflection more closely, as if trying to get used to his new appearance.

'It’s only for a week or two...' he reminded himself, realizing that now he would have to confront what had been hiding behind his wish.

...

Part 3

Several months had passed since Jake found himself in a new body. The first week had been utter chaos—constant attempts to adjust to new sensations, along with the persistent panic that the situation wasn’t going to fix itself. The second week brought acceptance. Jake kept telling himself it was temporary, but by the third week, his patience was wearing thin.

— Why is it still like this? — he muttered, sipping coffee by the window of his apartment, nervously twirling a strand of his long hair. There were no answers. It all felt like some cruel joke from the universe, with no way out. He realized that sooner or later, he’d have to deal with his documents, credit cards, and... his new lifestyle.

The only person he could turn to for help was his ex-girlfriend, Stephanie. She was the only one who had known about his secret desires, once met with a smirk and good-natured teasing. Now, she was the only one standing by him.

— Hey, gorgeous, haha, how’s it going? — came Stephanie’s voice unexpectedly. She had become a frequent visitor to his apartment again, though now in a very different role. — Oh, I see someone’s doing their homework, — Stephanie tilted her head with a grin, watching Jake as he fiddled with a razor.

Jake glanced up, sighed nervously, but continued with his task. His long hair kept falling into his face, and he absentmindedly brushed it back. He hated this hair and everything he now had to do to maintain it. As soon as Stephanie stepped into the bathroom, he knew the evening was about to get complicated.

— You said yourself that shaving your legs is a regular thing, — he mumbled, standing in an awkward position.

— Well yeah, otherwise your "new legs" won’t stay so smooth, — Stephanie giggled, not hiding her irony. — Who knows, you might need to wear a short skirt.

— Very funny, — Jake pressed his lips together, feeling irritation rise inside him. — You know this isn’t permanent...

— Not permanent? — Stephanie raised an eyebrow mockingly, looking at his legs. — Jake, you’ve been in this body for months now. First it was weeks, now months. So, better get used to it, honey.

He put the razor down and leaned on the sink, feeling the tension pulling at his back. Every time Stephanie came over, it turned into this endless game of teasing and sarcasm. And though he knew she was just having fun, it was becoming harder and harder for Jake to keep his cool.

— Steph, this is temporary, — he repeated more confidently, hoping to save a bit of face. — I’ll find a way out. I’m not going to stay... like this, — he gestured to his reflection in the mirror, at the slim figure in a black bodysuit, which, despite its attractiveness, still felt foreign to him.

Stephanie laughed, shifting her bag to her other shoulder and shaking her head.

— Ah, right. You’re still waiting for this to magically go away one day? — She stepped closer, her voice becoming softer, though still laced with sarcasm. — Listen, Jake. Maybe this isn’t temporary at all. Maybe you were always like this, you just... couldn’t admit it to yourself. I mean, it’s what you wanted, isn’t it?

— Go to hell! — Jake snapped, his emotions surging up in a wave. He turned sharply toward Stephanie, his face flushed with anger. What had started as irritation had now escalated into full-blown rage. Her constant jabs, the sarcastic comments—everything had been building up for months. And even though he knew she was just messing around, he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

Part 4

— Whoa, easy, Jake, — Stephanie raised her eyebrows and took a step back, though the smirk still played in her eyes. — You’re getting really emotional, you know? Just like...

— Don’t you dare say it! — his voice cracked, and he felt his eyes begin to well up. He quickly turned away, not wanting to show any weakness in front of her. Now that his emotions were starting to take over, it was hard to control them.

— You don’t understand... — he said quietly, staring at his reflection in the mirror. The shoulders were too slender, the facial features too delicate, the hair too long—it annoyed him more than anything. 'This isn’t me,' the thought flashed again.

Stephanie took another step closer, her expression softening, but the sarcasm never left. She knew Jake too well, knew exactly where his vulnerabilities lay.

— Come on, you wanted this, remember? Ha-ha, you’re a stunner, — Stephanie grinned, as if it were just another harmless joke, though there was always a bit of truth in her words.

Jake bit his lip, struggling to hold back his frustration. Yes, he had spoken the wish, but not like this, and definitely not for several months.

— Steph, enough, seriously. I can’t live like this. Who am I even? Officially, I don’t exist anymore, — he blurted out, feeling the irritation rise again. — I’m Jake! Or... I was Jake! And now what? This... this woman in the mirror, that’s not me!

Stephanie smirked, but there was a glimmer of something like sympathy in her eyes. She crossed the room unhurriedly and leaned against the sink beside him.

— Hey, Jake, maybe you should find a guy? — Stephanie leaned on the sink, her eyes twinkling with a mix of mockery and something almost serious. — You know, to figure it all out. You’re quite the looker now, — she widened her eyes playfully, giving him a teasing smile.

Jake spun toward her, feeling the anger boiling up inside. That comment was the last straw.

— Steph, are you out of your mind? I’m not looking for any guys! — He threw his hands up, barely resisting the urge to throw something at her.

Stephanie just shrugged, her expression perfectly calm.

— Why not? You’ve got problems with your ID, and you’re still using your old credit cards, — she snorted, pursing her lips playfully as her eyes sparkled with clear amusement. — And, you know, guys can help with that sometimes. Maybe you’ll find a nice one to help you out?

Jake clenched his teeth, refusing to look away from her smiling face. She always knew how to hit him where it hurt the most, and she did it with such grace that getting mad at her seemed pointless. But this time, he was barely holding back the urge to kick her out of the apartment. After all, she’d always been that kind of manipulator, using her "feminine charm" to press Jake when they were together, playing on the whole "a man should" thing. It’s part of the reason they broke up in the first place. Now she occasionally came over to help, but she’d been living with another guy for a while. Of course, Stephanie had her own life—a kid, a teenage daughter who was already in high school. And despite everything, Jake was glad to see her, even though she drove him crazy from time to time.

— You know, Steph, sometimes I think you only come over just to see me like this, — Jake said, nervously brushing his hair out of his face.

— Oh, finally figured it out, huh? — Stephanie exclaimed with mock excitement, laughing loudly. — So, what about a boyfriend, hmm? I’ve got a friend, you know, from the department... he could help you out.