What Defines Us - Commentary - Ch. 27-28 (Patreon)

Hello and welcome!  We’re back once again with another two weeks and another two chapters done.  Personally, I can’t believe the year is half over already!  And this story is more than half over!  (Hold on while I freak out about that…)

Ok!  I’m back.  Now, before we get into the story-part of this commentary, I wanted to share a picture with you. (You might or might not find this interesting.  If you don’t, you can just skip the next few paragraphs!)

Tadaaaa!

Wait, what are you looking at here?  

Well, my sloppy handwriting, for one.  But also, my working outline of What Defines Us - at least, the first 25 chapters (I can’t show you the back without giving away the rest of the story!).

First, this wasn’t originally intended to be my story outline (or shared with anyone).  As you can see, it started as a grocery list!  I was going to get eggs and water, apparently.  Once I went to the store and got those things, I re-used the paper for another note that got scratched out - from memory, this was some type of access code to an online book or something.  Then I started my outline at Chapter 16.

It took me 15 chapters to realize this story was...a bit unwieldy...so I wrote everything down to try to keep it straight.  This is the first time I wrote down the chapters like this, and I really liked it!  I’ve carried forward this method to future stories already (so expect to see more of these scratch sheets later!).

I used this outline as a way to quickly see the entire story.  With so many chapters, it was hard to remember what happened when and where.  When was Ruby’s first flashback chapter (I referred to them as ‘memory’ chapters)?  Was it before or after they got ice cream?  When was their first hunt?  Where are the moments when Weiss is trying to tell Ruby how she feels?  

When I had random tangents I wanted to add, I needed a little reference sheet to go back to so I could quickly find my way.  I do the same thing in the actual word documents now - every chapter has a few words behind it to tell me what that chapter is about.  Here’s an example - the screen won’t expand to show the rest of it, but this is what I actually see when working in the document:

The numbers you see are word counts.  I keep track of word counts in an effort to keep chapters near the same size.  If a chapter is really short, maybe I need to add another event to make it longer.  If it’s too long, maybe it should be split in two or a section should be removed.

The first large stories I wrote (The Fire Within and Rush) didn’t have any type of chapter information except for the chapter number.  I literally had to remember or read the beginning of each chapter to jog my memory.  Talk about inefficiency!  This process is a lot faster and easy to maintain.

Going back to that scratch sheet of paper though - it served as my outline when I was away from my computer, but also served as a measure of progress.  The ‘x’s next to the chapters mean that I finished writing the chapter (that’s how I know I started this outline at Chapter 16 - it’s the first one with an x).  I loved putting a little x by the chapter - it was so rewarding when I got closer to the end!  Sometimes, I would finish a weekend and get to put two ‘x’s down on this sheet.

When I finished the story, I went back and edited a second time - that’s what the check marks are for.  Those check marks were far more satisfying than the ‘x’s, because those meant the chapter was done.  (Nothing is done without proofreading, of course, so I went back through another time…).

This was how I kept track of the storyline, and it was really helpful for me.  It kept track of plot and where the story was supposed to go.  It also saved me time because I didn't have to open my story doc all the time and scroll through the chapter headings.  So yeah, that’s my little scribble sheet on WDU.  I’ll show you the back of this page when it no longer has spoilers!

On to the actual story…

Chapter 27 is our widely-anticipated not a date date.  Or is it a date?  Ruby used the word, so I guess it is!  It’s funny because I had someone guess that Weiss would take Ruby out for Italian food.  How did they know??  Maybe because Ruby’s favorite meal in this story is spaghetti, and Weiss already made spaghetti for her once...

Where do you think they went for dinner?  I didn’t give the restaurant a name, but - with me being me - I like to think they went to Octavio’s, the restaurant where Blake and Yang had their first date in Red Carpet Romance.  (That was their first official date, right?  Someone fact check me.)  

But before they get to the restaurant, Weiss gets some surprising news - Ruby wants to go to the Beacon Invite!  When Weiss is talking to Blake and Yang at the beginning of this chapter, I tried to subtly get a few points across - 

1. Weiss received her invitation when she was in Atlas, meaning Beacon/Glynda/Ozpin knew she was in Atlas.
2. Weiss probably pretty quickly got rid of that invitation and thought nothing more of it.
3. Blake, Yang, and Ruby received invitations prior to this one, which were sent back with declines (The invite Ruby receives asks her to reconsider.)
4. Clearly, Ruby didn’t get that first invitation.  What could’ve happened to it?  Hmm…

Ok, yes.  Blake and Yang intercepted Ruby’s first invitation and kept her from seeing it.  You might feel like that was the wrong thing to do, but imagine it from Yang’s perspective - Ruby’s getting healthy, but does she really need the pressure of competing in front of a huge audience?  And then there’s the whole ‘missing partner’ thing to deal with - which Yang wasn’t dealing with so well in Weiss’ absence.

So the first invitation went bye-bye.  Now that I’m thinking about this though...what would they do with the second letter if they had seen it first?  Ruby’s growing by leaps and bounds, and Weiss is back.  That’s no longer such an easy decision, and I bet Yang and Blake would have to have a long talk deciding the best path to follow.

Thinking about this even further...the mail was on the sofa already, and Ruby didn’t know why her seat was now the mail spot - so she wasn’t the one who brought the mail inside.  Either Yang brought it in and didn’t look at it, or Blake brought it in and didn’t look at it.  But does that seem like something Blake would do?  Maybe...but what if she did look at it?  What if she saw the invitation and dropped it on the sofa anyway?

Naw...she wouldn’t make this big of a decision on Yang’s behalf.  Throughout this story, she’s pressed Yang out of her comfort zone and challenged her to be better, but she wouldn’t go that far.  So it was Yang who brought the mail in and didn’t look at it.  Rookie mistake!

Or just a regular mistake that set things in motion!  The decision Weiss has grappled with for the entire story is now much more paramount.  She needs to decide - soon - what she wants to tell Ruby.

But first, she needs to figure out if they’re actually on a date!

I am way too proud of the joke Ruby makes about how no jewelers can match the color of her eyes: 

‘One of a kind,’ Weiss had surmised, to which Ruby gleefully pointed at both of her eyes and said, ‘Actually, two!’

It’s dumb, but it’s hard to come up with jokes off the top of your head sometimes, you know?  Wait...if I can make up jokes in stories...does that mean I’m actually a funny person?  Food for thought.

Ha - get it?  Food for thought?

Ignore me.  Back to dinner - what I really liked about writing this chapter is that Weiss thinks she knows what’s going on.  She just learned about the Beacon Invite, so it’s the most important thing in her mind - therefore, she assumes that that’s what’s most important to Ruby right now.  But we, as the readers, know what else Ruby’s thinking about - mainly, her crush on Weiss!

We know that Ruby is trying to figure out if Weiss likes anyone, but Weiss is confused and thinks Ruby’s nerves have to do with going to Beacon.  It’s nice to have all the information, right?  (Well, you don’t have all the information...but more than Weiss does!)

This chapter also illuminated a bit of where they both are in their recoveries - because they are both recovering, but at different speeds.  Ruby’s ready to go back.  She’s ready for more challenges.  She wants to fight in the tournament.

Weiss...she doesn’t know if she’s there yet.  But Ruby gives Weiss a little bit of advice:  “It’s the band-aid approach!  Just rip it off, yell some bad words, then you’re done!”

Now, where have we heard this before?  Ah, that’s right - Weiss thinks the very same thing to herself when heading over for her big conversation with Yang.  

I really liked layering in these little habits that are remnants of their past life together.  Because Ruby doesn’t remember Weiss, this phrase must’ve originally come from Ruby - and Weiss still uses it.  She doesn’t think ‘oh this is from Ruby’ - it’s just...something that is.  Ruby changed her in so many ways, she doesn’t even realize what all of them are.

And another change is happening - because Ruby lets it slip that she thinks this is a date.  Their relationship is progressing, and their feelings are deepening.  This is something Weiss never expected to happen, and now she has to deal with both this and the Beacon Invite at the same time?

One last note on this chapter - there were multiple instances where Weiss encountered thoughts or emotions that threatened to drag her down, but she was able to move on from all of them.  They didn’t consume her thoughts like they used to do.  Instead, she acknowledges them, and then acknowledges that she’s not going to think about them at the moment.  How’s that for progress??

Next, we get to Ruby’s chapter - which is more hyperactive than most, I think.  She’s just a little excited about their upcoming event, isn’t she?  But she’s still determined to figure out who Weiss likes, which I think shows exactly how important Weiss is.  In Weiss’ absence, Ruby would train obsessively and not think about anything else.  With Weiss around, Ruby has two goals she’s currently pursuing.

My favorite part of this chapter might be the Yang/Blake/Ruby teasing, and I love it when Blake makes puns!  In my mind, Blake starts making puns because she knows Yang loves them so much.  Of course, the more Blake makes them, the better she gets!

If I’d gone with my initial thought for this portion of the story, this chapter would’ve had a much different feel to it.  When Ruby goes to her bedroom to get ready (right before Weiss gets there), she was actually going to take off her necklace.  And I still have the words to prove it.

(Please keep in mind, because I changed the chapter, these deleted parts are written like how the thoughts come out of my head.  These are more like working notes that I go through later, so you’ll notice that I use different verb tenses in some parts.  Basically, I’m typing thoughts as fast as possible at this point in the process, so please don’t judge me!)

**

Weiss suddenly stops and says, “You’re not wearing your necklace.”

She touches her hand to her chest where the necklace usually sat.  She felt rather naked without it, but it had felt like the right time to be without it.  To move on…

“Oh yeah, just didn’t feel like wearing it today,” she replied easily.  She didn’t want to let on how difficult that decision had actually been for her.  That necklace, and the ring that hung on the end of it, had been the last remaining link between her and something special from her past.  Choosing not to wear it was acknowledging that she would never find out what that past had been.

But when she looked at Weiss, she didn’t think that mattered so much anymore.  That was the past - this was the present.  Dwelling on someone that she would never know would only prevent her from getting to know the people who were right in front of her.  

Becoming a huntress...that had been her link to the past.  But...Weiss might be her future.

She smiled at Weiss though and the girl gave her a hesitant smile in return.  Feeling that something was a little off, she bumped the girl lightly in the shoulder.

“If you’re feeling that badly about it, you could always get me a new one!” she teased.

*Ruby had taken off the ring.  

On one hand, it felt like a knife had been plunged through her heart.  That was a promise that they would be together forever - for eternity.  The fact that Ruby was still wearing it meant that somewhere, Ruby still felt a connection to what once had been.

But...Ruby had said that Weiss could buy her a necklace to replace it.  Could that mean that...was Ruby falling in love with her?

But should Weiss get Ruby another one?  A necklace?  Or another ring?  What would it symbolize though? 

Groaning, she put her head in her hands.  This was just as bad as when they’d been dating the first time.  She’d spent months trying to find the perfect ring.

***

These parts would’ve been expanded if I’d kept them, but I decided not to go this route because the necklace is important to Ruby - why would she take it off?  Just to cause Weiss pain?  Instead of this, I added in the parts where Ruby tries to figure out Weiss’ love interest.  (Aren’t you proud of me?  There was a way to make Weiss suffer even more, but I didn’t take it!)

Also, I have some of these cut out portions of the story because I thought I might add them back in.  I had no idea I’d be writing commentaries at the time, but I created a separate document where I copied and pasted these bits and pieces.  I really don’t like deleting words I’ve written, but at least you get to read them!

Which leads me to yet another tidbit that was omitted from this chapter.  Ruby’s toothbrush was originally going to have his own little rhyme.  I took it out because I didn’t think it fit very well, but now you’ll still know what it is!

Good morning Timmy-Too, wondrous toothbrush of green and blue.  Always waitin’ ‘bove the sink, makin’ sure my mouth don’t stink.   Start my day, end my night - ya know Timmy - you’re quite alright!

Ah making up little jingles...maybe I have a career in advertising ahead of me.

Anyway, once Weiss arrives, we get to see some awkward Ruby.  Awkward Ruby is always fun.  And did you notice the reference to The Fire Within in this chapter?  I’ll give you three seconds to look for it.  

One…

Two…

Three!

I’m sure you found it by now, but Ruby mentions that she put a tracking device in Thorn, which would be helpful if she happened to be kidnapped!  Which, you know, would’ve helped in TFW…something that Weiss comments on.

Just and FYI - if I ever get a unicorn, I’m naming him Ignacio.

As a small moment in this chapter, we find out that Ruby is starting to see changes in Weiss, just like we are.  There’s enough difference in Weiss’ behavior that Ruby can compare and contrast, and it seems like she likes this new version best.  

And Ruby finally asks the big question!  And she gets an answer - that she doesn’t believe.  You had to have seen that coming.  Ruby finds the courage to ask, Weiss finds the courage to answer, and Yang bursts onto the scene.  Perfect timing, sis.

I laugh every time I think about that sequence of events.  Blake’s intently listening in from the living room, when Yang strolls through humming to herself.  Blake quickly turns around to get her attention.

“Wait, Yang -”

But it’s too late.  Yang opens the garage door, ruins the moment, and Blake puts her head in her hand and sighs.

This chapter might be one of my favorites for all of these team moments.  Plus, we get some great Yang/Ruby advice too!  And another moment that I still think is funny.

“Are you talking about -?”  Pausing, Yang nodded towards the house, and Ruby felt her cheeks grow redder.

“Um...yes?”

Laughing, Yang pulled Ruby in for a big hug.

“Of course Blake likes you!” Yang said while ruffling Ruby’s hair.  “You’re practically her sister!”

Come onnnn, Yang!  Can’t you be serious for once?  Oh wait, she totally proves me wrong like three seconds later.

Blake already told her half of the story - how Bumblebee came to be - and now Yang gives some insight on how they grew close.  I love, love, love the idea that Blake trusts Yang with her secrets, and it’s this trust that really brings them together.  Yang wants someone to trust her, and to be able to trust them in return.

Master of bad jokes, queen of pep talks.  Thank god Yang cleared the air with Weiss already, right?  

The end of this chapter leaves us with another realization, as Ruby finally notices how unbelievably and hopelessly devoted Weiss is to her.  More progress!  Which is probably a good thing, considering the story is more than half over.  

(Pause.  Deep breath.)

I think that’s all I have at the moment for these two chapters.  As always, feel free to send me a message if there’s something I didn’t cover!  Or leave a comment and I’ll respond.  :)

Until next time,

Miko