Home Artists Posts Import Register

Content

Welcome back, everyone, to a much-delayed commentary!  Before getting into the details though, thank you so much for being so supportive of me recently.  It’s been a rough couple of weeks while adjusting, but it was really nice not to have the pressure and responsibility of updating stories hanging over my head.  I think it was a good break - I hope it was a good break, at least - but it’s time to get back to my regular schedule and wrap this story up.

We only have a few chapters left, which is exciting and terrifying at the same time.  I always feel this way towards the end of stories though - this sense of accomplishment and also anxiety about what’s to come.  Which, at the moment, I don’t really know what’s going to come next!

Actually, once Vale High ends, I’m going to post an update of Red Carpet Romance.  My hope is that by that point, I’ll have my next story wrapped up and ready to go.  We’ll see though - fingers crossed!

For this commentary though, Chapter 16 is probably my favorite chapter in the entire story.  I want to skip right to it, but I’ll go through Chapter 15 first.  Chapter 15 being the one where Yang wakes up in the clinic, but also wakes up to the fact that she and Blake knew each other in elementary school.

But first...I was so excited about Blake and Yang going on their date, and then I didn’t even get to write it.  Isn’t that sad?  Maybe I’ll write it anyway...an alternate-reality oneshot where Emerald isn’t a horrible person.  Instead, Yang wins a nice, clean fight, then she and Blake go to a movie together.  Cuteness commences!  

So one important thing to point out...if you’re knocked unconscious somehow, please seek out a medical professional!  I’m hoping the nurse at their school is registered, because otherwise Yang probably should’ve gone to the hospital after taking a hit like that.  But that would ruin the flow of the story so...the school clinic was where I decided to put her.  Let’s roll with that, shall we?

Personal story time - I think I had a concussion once.  It happened during soccer practice in high school.  One of our strongest (and least accurate) kickers fired a shot on goal that was so incredibly off target, it hit me in the head while I was standing near the cars getting ready to leave.  It actually knocked one of my contacts out of my eye, if you can imagine that.  But, because I had no idea what concussion symptoms were, I thought nothing of the bad headache I had the next few days (whoops!).

Don’t worry, no permanent damage!  Unless...maybe that’s what made me write such gay stories?  Let’s say that was it - not my crushes on Mandy Moore or Jennifer Garner.

Enough about me.  One thing I really like about Chapter 15 is how sweet and caring Blake is.  All of the jokes and teases are gone, and we get to see how much she cares about Yang.  It’s especially evident when her voice wavers when she recalls how Yang looked immediately following what I can only describe as a vicious attack.  And then we also see it in how forceful she is in trying to convince Yang out of trying to fight Emerald again (I’m with Blake here - bad idea, Yang!).

Two lines in particular I wanted to point out - the first from Yang and the second from Blake:

“But if I don’t put her in her place, who will?”
“If you’re in charge of standing up for everyone, who stands up for you?”

What we have here is...a difference of opinion.  But also, Blake’s pointing out a flaw in Yang’s system.  Yang’s been sticking her neck out standing up for others.  She has people who have her back, obviously (*cough* Nora *cough*), but she’s the first one running in and, in some cases, getting knocked out because of it (or suspended, or in trouble, or hurt in some way).

(Keep Blake’s response in mind for the rest of the story!  I’ll explain more later!)

Ironically, Yang gets punched in the face so that she finally remembers her past with Blake.  I actually spent a lot of time deliberating about how Yang would remember.  Would it just spontaneously pop into her mind?  Blake would smile and *bam* Yang remembered?  Or Blake said something, or mentioned the book she’d been reading on that day, or brought out her old backpack, shook it in Yang’s face, and said ‘Does this look at all familiar?  Does it??’

Ok, that last one might be a bit much.

-The author says while deciding to have Yang knocked unconscious instead.

But I can defend my decision!  One, Yang is a boxer.  She literally participates in a sport where people punch each other.  Two...well, that first one was pretty good, I think.

My thinking was that I wanted Yang to remember because Blake looked similar to how she looked on that day in elementary school.  And, because Blake has been so self-assured and confident for the entire story, I needed to make her cry (this sounds horrible the more I think about it).  But I needed her to be visibly upset!  That way, Yang would finally draw the parallels between Blake in elementary school and the Blake she knew.

So, it’s Blake’s sad, vulnerable state that finally brings forth our long-awaited ‘aha’ moment.  But, even though Yang has the ‘aha’ moment, she’s in no condition to have a more in-depth conversation than that.  At least, not realistically.  (This reminds me of the movie Cloverfield, where one of the characters literally had a piece of rebar stuck through their chest for hours and then hops up and starts sprinting around like it’s nothing).  

(I still like that movie though.)

Plus, Tai is worried about his daughter!  And when Dad shows up, it’s probably not the best time to have the conversation about how they’re basically soulmates and whatnot.  Although that would’ve been fun and awkward.

“Yang, are you ok?”
“Dad, this is Blake - the girl I stood up for in elementary school who I now have a huge crush on.”
“But...what happened?”
“I dunno, but isn’t she pretty?”
*Blake sits in the corner steaming in embarrassment*

So, we get the ‘aha’ moment but not the conversation (that comes next chapter).

I did like seeing Yang tease her dad when he’s there though.  I think that her jokes show that she’s not feeling too horrible.  It also highlights their relationship, which I love.  Plus, Tai tells us the reason why Emerald hates Yang so much.  Which is, essentially, because Yang destroyed her in the first match they ever had together.  Because obviously Yang > Emerald in hand-to-hand combat.

It was also interesting to bring Tai in as a parent when Yang and Ruby are still in high school, because he’s allowed to tell them what to do.  His word is law!  Of course, Yang can still try to persuade him to let her fight against Emerald again.  We’ll see how that goes…

But then the cheer-up crew arrives!  (Ruby, Pyrrha, and Nora)

In general, I just love how sweet and soft these three are with Yang when she needs them to be.  And then Nora...

Her entire persona right now was that of a puppy who’d done something wrong and knew it.

Can’t you just imagine it?  Poor Nora...but as soon as Yang says “Heard you beat the crap outta Emerald,” Nora goes right back to being her usual self.  Nora’s such a loyal friend, kind of like a dog (in my mind), who will do anything to make you feel better.  All they want is a ‘good boy!’ or ‘good girl!’ in return.

Also can you imagine Ironwood going up against Cinder in a boxing match?  Talk about fighting outside of your weight class...does she even come up to his elbow?

What I really love, overall, is how everyone banded together to support Yang in this moment.  From Blake being there for Yang when she wakes up, to Nora beating the crap out of Emerald, to Ruby acting as literal support, and Pyrrha being the emotional support.  Yang has a lot of people to lean on, which is good!  Sometimes even the strongest people need help and support, so it’s really nice to see her get some here.

Speaking of ‘getting some’...

Chapter 16!

It’s my favorite for obvious reasons, mostly, their first kiss!  Which...ok, don’t let me get ahead of myself - the beginning of the chapter first.

Ruby is freaking adorable.  Have I mentioned how adorable she is?  Because she is!  She’s so sweet, and she loves Yang so much!  She’s also so helpful when I needed someone to explain what happened in a way that Blake wouldn’t explain.  i.e. that Yang wanted to hold Blake’s hand when she got knocked out.  How’s that for unwittingly giving away feelings?

Also, I really loved that Ruby helped Yang cheat when Tai held up three fingers and asked Yang to tell her how many there were.  I think of their relationship this way - Ruby and Yang teaming up to get their way with their dad.  Of course, Tai’s not dumb - he knows what his daughters are up to - which just makes it even sweeter.  I think, as a family unit, they get along really well.  I wouldn’t mind writing more about them.

I know I’ve been telling you for forever that Yang didn’t remember Blake because that first fight happened a long time ago, and that Blake was such a different person it was hard to draw parallels, but in this chapter Yang presents that excuse for herself.  This is me subtly presenting those reasons for my decisions, in case anyone reading the story just couldn’t understand how Yang didn’t figure it out for so long.  By packaging it as Yang’s thoughts, however, it’s hopefully less apparent that it’s actually me defending my own decisions.

It’s something I have to do a lot, actually.  There are other ways of doing it, obviously, but sometimes you have to come right out and state your reason versus using smaller events or bits of dialogue and hoping the reader will piece everything together.  Because if I’ve learned anything, it’s that readers usually don’t draw the same connections I see in my mind.  For a variety of reasons - mostly because I see the story so clearly, that of course Situation A leads to Situation B.  Without that insider knowledge though, some people will take certain situations down completely different paths.  (I always find it so interesting when people guess what might happen next!  Often, the guesses are really good and then I wish I’d followed that path instead.)

And sometimes I put in little tidbits or references that no one gets!  Like, did you notice the Friends reference in this chapter?  I think I’ve said before, but Friends is one of my favorite shows, to this day.  I can quote a lot of the episodes, and when I quote the jokes, people think I’m funny.  (Only those closest to me realize I’m actually just quoting the show.)

But in this chapter, the reference has to do with the soap opera Yang’s watching.  More specifically, the name of one of the characters. 

“Drake, I love you!”

This is referring to the soap opera character Joey played on the show - Dr. Drake Ramoray.  He’s a neurosurgeon with an evil twin brother, Striker.  Anyway, doesn’t really matter much, but I thought it was funny to have Yang watching a soap opera with Joey’s character on it.

Also, somewhat funny, but I made sure to write in that Yang eventually got out of bed and brushed her teeth.  Brushed her teeth, specifically, so that she can kiss Blake later.  I have this thing where I always worry about the one person who will think…‘but wait...she never even went to the bathroom.’  (How many times have my characters used the restroom?  Probably like...twice.)  

It’s so strange to think that these very necessary bodily functions are often left out of not just my stories, but a lot of stories.  Dare I say most of them?  Obviously, we all have to use the restroom.  We all (hopefully) brush our teeth and comb our hair and eat breakfast and all that jazz.  But when characters do it and the action is described in great detail, it disrupts the flow of the other action.  You know, like their kissing and stuff!  I’d much rather go into detail about that.

Which I’m going to do right now!  

This might be my favorite ‘first kiss’ scene of the ones I’ve written.  Just because it follows Blake’s earnest explanation of why she never brought up who she was and everything that she did for the chance to meet Yang again.  I was a little worried that if people really stood back and looked at this situation, Blake came off a little creepy.  I mean, some girl helped her in elementary, then she keeps track of the girl for years before ultimately switching schools so they could see each other again?

I’m leaning towards sweet instead of creepy.  Blake had a type of fascination with Yang after what she did.  I think I’d feel the same way - like who was this person that impacted my life so much?  Was that just a one-off situation, or are they really that good of a person?  And, in Blake’s case, what type of person are they now?  Could they get along?  Could they be friends?

And then they kiss!  Which, I think what I like most about it is that the first kiss was Blake kissing Yang because she wanted to.  That’s why she says this before the second kiss:

“I never got to say thank you...for that day…” Blake whispered before leaning forward and kissing Yang again.  

And then after:

“So thank you…for standing up for me.”

So the first kiss was because Blake wanted to.  The second kiss was ‘thanks’ for what Yang did for her in elementary school.

What’s kind of funny about this is that a few chapters ago, Yang teased Pyrrha about Jaune and suggested that he ‘thank’ Pyrrha for all of her help.  We don’t know if Jaune ever did that, but then Blake went and ‘thanked’ Yang in that exact way.

They’re just so cute…

With the truth out in the open, and their feelings out in the open, they can finally -

Nope, Ruby shows up, so we have to wait yet another week to find out what will happen next.  (I just thought that maybe the constant interruptions are a little cruel...but I don’t think I can change.)

Ok, but Ruby is very sweet!  She skipped practice to go home early and make sure her sister was doing alright!  Sure, she just cut a possible makeout scene from the story, but...she’s sweet!  We all love her, right?

Right?

There are three chapters left (including the epilogue), and I can’t wait for you to read them!  I also can’t wait for you to read what’s next, whatever that may be.

I’m just, in general, excited.


Until next time,

Miko

Comments

No comments found for this post.