The Queens of Remnant - Commentary - Ch. 13-14 (Patreon)
Content
*dramatic sigh*
Life, am I right? It just keeps trucking along, dragging us almost all the way through May already. Before you know it, it’ll be the holidays again!
Ok, the holidays aren’t that close (in a few months I’m going to say how it feels like they arrived in the blink of an eye). What is it about growing up that makes time seem to move faster? Is it having more responsibilities? Less free time? No summer vacation to look forward to? Whatever the reason is, I’d like to return it to the store and get a better one.
On the writing side of things, let’s see…oh! I think I finally dialed in my idea for Bumbleby Big Bang, which I’m still not allowed to tell anyone about. I wonder when I can tell people…maybe not until posting it in October?? Well, I can at least tell you that I have my idea and that I hope everyone likes it! Also, true to form, it’s not going to be 15k words. If I’m lucky, I might keep it to 25k (*crosses fingers and prays to the writing gods to make it happen*). I say 25k because I’m already at 14k and still have a ways to go.
One thing I’ve noticed I struggle with is writing a long oneshot without breaking it into chapters. Maybe I need to read examples of how other people write a longer story while including time skips, different locations, etc, without using chapter breaks. My natural inclination (and what I’ve found myself doing with this oneshot) is to build in chapter breaks that represent skips in time or changes in location.
I feel like I should know how to write it as one long story but at the same time feel like that’s not really the way I want to do things. I can’t help but imagine picking up a book and having it split into only like 7 chapters. The chapter length would discourage me from reading.
How do you feel about it? Is a 20k-word oneshot daunting or a breeze for you? (The scroll bar gets so tiny!) Or would you rather have it split into 4 chapters so that you could digest it in pieces?
See, I want pieces. Especially when I don’t often sit down and read for long stretches of time, I would want natural stopping points so that I could come back later. Also, then I wouldn't have to find my place again!
Anyway, that’s a decision I’m currently facing, but I might be making it for myself as the story expands. A 15k oneshot seems ok - a little long but still fine. 20-25k becomes more of a multichapter story. Probably around 4-5 chapters, in this case.
This might sound like a weird thing to fret over, but I am really fretting over it! It determines how I end all of these sequences of events. Is it a more definitive chapter break or do I need to add in a few sentences leading into the next event? What’s great about it is that I can just leave a little gap for now and always change it later. That type of fix shouldn't take more than a paragraph or two to convert from one version to the other…hopefully.
A concern for the future! Let’s talk about present worries - more specifically, the worries Weiss and Ruby are currently facing.
I can’t decide if I like Weiss and Ruby or Blake and Yang’s side of the story better. They’re all on such different journeys, with different personalities and different goals. It’s nice to see both pairs, I guess, and I’m always happy to see either of them!
I think I might like Weiss’ journey a bit more than the other three though, so her chapters hold a soft spot in my heart. If you think about it, that’s probably why she got the first chapter even though I should have gone in RWBY order. Also, we all know that she’s consistently my favorite character. Having seen clips from Volume 9, she might be even more of my favorite now. She seems to have lost her tsundere edge, but now she’s just…sweet and kind and empathetic.
Ironically, I had already written her as remarkably empathetic in Queens of Remnant. That’s actually one of her few strengths right now! She might not be bold or outspoken or know what the heck she’s doing, but she really feels things. That’s probably what Yang and Ruby responded to the most, and Ruby is only getting more swept up in that as time goes on.
One thing I sort of love about Weiss’ relationship with Ruby right now is that Weiss views Ruby with almost some…jealousy? Intimidation? It’s like a “She’s an actual queen and I wish I could be like her,” type of mentality. I thought it was really different to have Weiss look up to Ruby from the onset versus what we had in canon.
The only other instance where I can remember writing something like this might be Dream Theory/Conflict of Interest. But in that case, they weren’t in the same field - they just worked in adjacent fields so Weiss knew to respect Ruby and vice versa. This time, they actually hold the same title as ‘Queen.’
I had to stretch out Weiss’ chapter this time because I really wanted to get Ruby’s POV for the introduction to Atlas. And I really wanted to end Weiss’ chapter with her saying, ‘Welcome to Atlas.’
I’m completely serious about the ‘Welcome to Atlas’ thing! So, I had to lengthen their carriage ride as much as I could without making it mind-numbingly boring. They got some great conversations in though, which I suppose was important in setting up the next ‘act.’ I do consider us moving into Act 2 now, where all four of our main characters have met, made decisions, and are now embarking on the journey to see those decisions through.
Act 2 also encompasses the ‘getting to know each other better’ phase. Only the best phase…except for when they’re falling in love, of course. And when they’re in love. And…well, it’s all good as long as they’re in each other’s orbit, really.
One of the ways I lengthened Chapter 13 was by adding the part with Ruby negotiating with the group of raiders. I was sitting at my computer, tapping the keyboard, trying to figure out something cool or interesting or important that could happen between Vale and Atlas when that idea struck me. It was pretty good, I think. It accomplished several things: showed us some of Ruby’s power, showed us that Ruby’s not only compassionate and gracious but also fearless, and - most importantly - showed all of those things to Weiss, too.
Ruby is a textbook ‘lead by example’ type, and that’s what she’s doing now. I was also super proud of Weiss for going out there as if Ruby might need help! Ruby didn’t need help, but that took a lot of courage on Weiss’ part.
In some ways, Weiss kind of reminds me of a stray cat or other animal that’s super skittish and afraid. If anyone has a shot of getting Weiss to accept help though, who might that be?
If it’s not Ruby, this is a really crappy White Rose story.
Now, I’m imagining Yang going to Atlas with Weiss instead of Ruby. Without the romance, of course, but can you imagine how that might turn out? All I can see is Yang crossing her arms over her chest and giving Weiss the most dubious of looks. Weiss would probably wilt under that kind of scrutiny.
I think this quote pretty much sums up how perfect Ruby is for Weiss at this point in time:
Her father expected her to fail no matter what. Winter thought she needed to be protected from everything. Yet Ruby, who had known her for mere days, had higher hopes for her than anyone else ever had.
It’s sad to think that Weiss has never had anyone who’s believed in her before now. Winter probably believes in her, but Winter probably isn’t the best at expressing that in words plus probably spends more time trying to protect Weiss than anything else.
One of my favorite parts about writing, besides the creative and problem-solving aspects, is making one of the partners exactly who the other needs to conquer the issues they’re facing. It’s like designing puzzle pieces or something. They might have bumpy edges, but they fit together perfectly.
What does Ruby get out of this arrangement though? Well…she’s determined to find that cure!
And sign a treaty.
And help Weiss, too.
Ruby has a busy trip ahead of her.
I loved seeing Atlas through Ruby’s eyes though. Also, seeing the world of Atlas outside of the palace. Weiss’ chapters didn’t really give us much insight into anything other than the Council and her rather sheltered life, so this chapter was a great opportunity to put a fresh set of eyes on one of our other starring kingdoms.
Plus, with Ruby’s knack for exploring, of course one of the first things she does is head out into the city to see what’s really going on.
I feel like Weiss should have felt a little weirder about Ruby venturing into Atlas alone. Like…this is someone you’ve been at war with for ages. The information she can gleam from simply walking around might be limited, but she got a quick read on how Atlas’ finances are faring based on how the general population is living. What if she realized how bad things were and said, “Actually, we’ll keep on fighting since Atlas is about to collapse.”
That’s so anti-Ruby though…and we’ll say that Weiss knows this. Or Weiss just doesn’t think about it since the Council practically ambushed her with things to do as soon as she walked through the door. No “You should rest up from your long journey” or anything of the like. Instead, it’s “Welcome back! Sign this.”
Ironwood made quite the first impression on Ruby, didn’t he?
Can you imagine how surprised he must have been though? They send Weiss off to Vale by herself like, “Oh, yeah, sure, go have fun,” and she comes back with one of the Queens of Vale to sign a treaty?? I’m surprised his jaw didn’t fall right off. He’s going to have to change his tune though because Ruby Rose just entered the battle! And James. The other James, lol.
I adore James and Ruby’s dynamic in this chapter. I’m glad I got to show more of how they work together, and how much of a Ruby supporter he is. She derives some of her confidence from having him and Yang constantly backing her up, and then more confidence from her spark.
At the end of this story, we’ll have to discuss who has the strongest spark. That would be interesting…I’m not sure who I would choose, but keep that in mind as we see them use their powers. Who would win in a one versus one battle?
Ruby, at least, knows that she doesn’t have to be too concerned about being in Atlas. Not only does she have James with her, but she’s also so fast that she can - as she put it - just fly herself over the palace walls if she needed to. If she couldn't do that, she should probably be more worried as she’s moseying around the streets of Atlas, running into a few too many hostile guards.
I’m thinking now that maybe Ruby should have been arrested. I mean, Weiss hasn’t made any sort of announcement and not enough time has passed for any sort of instruction to be disseminated through the guards already at work. Based on their hostility toward her, it seems like a very plausible outcome that they would just arrest her.
I should have done that! Ugh. That probably makes way more sense than them just giving her stern warnings. That would’ve been kind of funny and dramatic. Then Ruby gets to visit an Atlesian prison and Weiss has to come get her out.
Ok, I’ll argue that anyone trying to arrest Ruby, or physically restrain her in any way, probably wouldn't have worked out well. James wouldn't have allowed it, and that would have resulted in a huge brawl or melee that Ruby would inevitably join to protect James. Unless Ruby convinced James to let her get arrested, but then we’re relying on the Atlesian guards to treat her nicely, which doesn’t exactly seem to be their strength!
So the guards want to arrest Ruby, James says no, Ruby says it’s ok and they should comply, then some guard shoves her and their fledgling truce immediately ends.
There’s probably only like a 10% chance of them making it to a jail cell and patiently waiting for Weiss’ arrival. The drama though…we could have seen James positively steaming at how Ruby is treated followed by Weiss struggling to figure out if she even can order someone to be released from prison.
Oh well. I can’t change it now! So Ruby just gets some stern warnings. One guard even thought that he might lay a hand on her, but James put a quick stop to that.
If Yang can’t be there to look after Ruby, James is the next best thing! Or perhaps he’s even better because he stays out of her business more than Yang would…
But, because he’s a side character, he’s way better than Yang in this situation. Yang would draw so much attention (I’m talking about writing attention, like literally words on the page), whereas James mostly fades into the background when I don’t need him. Then he pops in and offers a great one-liner before staying out of the way again.
He lets Ruby shine, I guess, but is around when she needs him.
Did I deal Ruby the best hand this time around? Sure, her sister is dying, but she has a very supportive companion and is confident in who she is/what she can do. Yang is dying, so she got the worst route. Blake has her whole guilt thing to deal with plus has witnessed immeasurable suffering over the past few years. Weiss is almost the same as Blake, ironically, except that she experienced a very different form of suffering.
Except Ruby’s sister is dying…
But Weiss killed her dad…and Blake killed her…mentor-type guy? Ruby hasn’t killed anyone close to her…(that we know of). But her sister is dying…
Ok, maybe Ruby didn’t get the best route. I don’t know. It feels like a toss-up because Yang is still living whereas Jacques and Adam are already dead. Maybe that will change as the story progresses.
There’s still a lot more to learn and witness as they try to work together! We’re swapping back over to the bees next…wonder what they’ve been up to while Weiss and Ruby made their way to snowy Atlas…we’ll see soon!
Thank you, as always, for your support. I’m excited to get more of this story out in the wild so I can discuss more of what’s going on. I’m also excited to maybe finish a shorter story or two. Whenever I’ve been away from a big story for too long, I feel like I’ve lost the ability to write. Finishing a small oneshot or something is like taking a base hit. Just something small to get on the board or get the engines running again.
Until next time,
Miko