The Queens of Remnant - Commentary - Ch. 19-20 (Patreon)
Content
Welcome back to another commentary about two new chapters!
This is actually the first time I’ve written anything substantial in like two weeks, which feels like two years to me. Life has thrown some curveballs lately, so I’ve just been cruising in my ‘post Bumbleby Big Bang’ mode while trying to take care of everything else. My brain is so filled up with other things that shoving a story in there at the same time doesn’t sound very appealing.
On the other hand, I miss having something consistent to daydream about! It makes my daily jogs more of a grind without having a story to mentally work on at the same time…
I probably needed a break, so I’m convincing myself that this is actually a great thing. By the time I jump back into a story, I’m going to be so rejuvenated and rested that it’ll be awesome. I’ll rediscover the joys of writing and all of the wonderful things about piecing together something using nothing more than letters on a screen.
This is the hope, at least. And I’m pretty sure that this break will end soon. I probably just need to find a cute little oneshot idea to get me started. From there, I’ll be working on another project in no time!
Maybe this is a healthier way to approach things…but I always have a nagging fear that I’ll forget how to write. Skills atrophy just like muscles, right?? A couple of weeks or a month shouldn’t make a huge impact, but the worry is still there.
That said, I don’t have a writing update since I haven’t been working on anything! I guess that is, in itself, the update - that there is no update. Hopefully, next time I’ll have something. I don’t want to rush myself though, and I've been super productive in other things during this break. Like, I finally painted the room in my house that I’ve wanted to paint for over a year now. So…things are happening beyond writing, at least.
That being said, let’s jump into our story!
While Weiss and Ruby are off in Atlas trying to figure out how to work together, Blake and Yang are getting closer than ever. At the end of this story, I should make a little graph plotting the course of the White Rose and Bumbleby relationships in terms of how ‘coupley’ they are at points in the story. At this particular moment, I’d say Blake and Yang are much closer to romance than Weiss and Ruby.
This probably goes back to my whole thing about Blake and Yang hitting it off while Weiss and Ruby get a slow burn, but I think it makes sense in this story! Regardless of their differences, Blake and Yang share some core similarities in knowing what they want and being willing to voice those desires out loud. They’re also secure in themselves and in their stations, allowing them to bond even over the chasm of ‘commoner vs queen.’
Weiss and Ruby share common titles, yet at their core are further apart. Ruby is self-assured; Weiss is not. Ruby is confident and comfortable in her own skin; Weiss is absolutely not. Weiss has some soul-searching to do so that she can figure out who she is, then she’ll be able to connect with Ruby.
That was a long way of saying that I know the Bees are moving fast, but I hope it makes sense to you like it did to me! They have that instant spark and chemistry working in their favor, along with baseline personalities that are a little more conducive to quick romance. (Saying that makes me want to write a quick White Rose romance to prove that I can do it…)
Anyway, Chapter 19 is one of the moments we’ve been waiting for: Blake finding out that Yang’s sick. Sick and dying, I might add.
I knew one of the questions people would have is, “Why aren't more people noticing that Yang has the Phage?” To answer that, I tried to show that Yang goes through a lot of effort to hide it. People would also never expect it from someone like her. Like…we don’t expect our leaders to catch something affecting the commoners, right? As if they’re somehow above being human.
Also, Yang stays away from people as much as possible! By reducing her interactions with others, she reduces the number of times she has to explain away a slip of her spark.
Unfortunately for her, she’s spending a lot of time with Blake, and in close proximity, and Blake’s putting together more pieces than other people have been privy to. And no one has seen Yang go full fireball like Blake did when they were in the Badlands. Not even Ruby has witnessed something like that.
I wanted to briefly talk about Blake’s comment on how Yang would have been taught how to control her spark from a young age. I imagine that everyone in this AU is taught to control their spark in some capacity. Maybe it’s part of school lesson plans. You have math, science, and spark control. (I’m sure they’d have a fancier name for it than that.)
Kids probably get their sparks at different ages though…so it’s not like all third-graders have the class at the same time. Maybe they go to the class once their spark shows up, so you could have an array of ages in there. Of course, this means that the kids who wait longer are probably going to get picked on…because that’s just how kids seem to operate, unfortunately.
Either way, time and energy is devoted to training these young souls how to properly wield literal fire, or ice, or gusts of wind, or boulders. This is probably good from a self-preservation standpoint (reminds me of that baby from The Incredibles who set everything on fire). In Yang’s case, given who her parents were, I bet the entire palace was on high alert for her spark to show up. And how would it first show up - a little puff of smoke or an uncontrollable flamethrower? This is Yang we’re talking about, so I’m leaning towards the flamethrower.
Now I’m imagining that Ruby’s spark probably showed up when she was running around playing a game or something, causing her to run face first into a wall or knock over a priceless vase.
Which spark would be easiest to train and which would be hardest…
Fire is probably the hardest because of the potential danger involved. Earth might be the easiest, which would also explain why Cecelia (and the rest of the universe, as Blake makes it sound) seems to think that earth is the weakest element.
You might’ve noticed a little callback to canon in the beginning of Chapter 19, only this time it’s Blake realizing that Yang needs to slow down. She doesn’t yet realize that Yang’s working against the clock, so it probably just looks like Yang’s throwing herself way too hard into fixing everything immediately.
I thought Blake’s chapter was also a great time to share more details about Yang and Ruby’s family, and I love the idea of a long hallway painted with Vale’s history (basically). It better be a really long hallway! It’s probably divided into sections though. Like, every king/queen gets a space a little bigger than a door to paint as their own. Maybe two doors because painting that small of a space might be hard.
So, according to Blake’s interpretation, Raven was a fearsome warrior who died when Yang was young (or vanished, perhaps…?). Summer dies protecting Vale from a ‘great evil’ (someone like Salem?). Then Tai died being a hero. Yang really raised Ruby in this AU. Although, I’m sure they had plenty of well-meaning advisors like Oobleck and Lola looking out for them too. I considered bringing in Ozpin as their pseudo-parents but his character has become…murky. And where’s Qrow? I never even considered him…I just thought it’d be better to have them be alone - they would disagree with me!
We don’t know what happened to Blake’s parents, but they must have passed away at an earlier time. Probably not during the war though. If Kali and Ghira had died during the war, Blake would be way angrier than she is, and it would be difficult for her to ever forgive Yang, Ruby, and Weiss for letting the war happen at all.
Because Blake doesn’t have that massive chip on her shoulder, they must have died pre-war and from a cause that she probably had little control over. That would be a reasonable explanation for why she seems so well-adjusted to it at this point.
Just realized that I took out all of the parents in this one. Well, I guess I kind of had to. They can’t really be queens if their parents are still around. They would be princesses, and this isn’t called the Princesses of Remnant! Besides, it’s more tragic that they’re all essentially orphans. It’s forced them to form their own families or cling even more tightly to the family they have left.
Another thing you probably noticed in these chapters is that Cecelia got more screen time! I’ll admit that I love her despite her evil ways. We still don’t know where she’s from though. You might remember Yang asked once so that ‘she could never go there,’ but Cecelia only responded with a ‘wouldn’t you like to know.’ To Blake, she gives us a little more insight by saying that the Badlands remind her of home.
Now, we know by now that the Badlands weren’t always bad - they’ve only been bad for the past few years. So…Cecelia comes from somewhere else entirely, but somewhere that’s just as lawless and dangerous. I snuck in these little hints to show that, while she’s in no way a victim, she is a product of circumstances that might’ve been beyond her control.
Notice how everyone thinks Blake and Cecelia are alike, yet Blake’s the one making another, more alarming comparison: Cecelia is like Adam. Considering Blake’s the only one who knows both, she’s probably the best one to believe. And she’s right, isn’t she? As Cecelia shows in Yang’s chapter, she’s a leader - just like Adam was a leader. She recruited plenty of people willing to fight with/for her (like Adam), she keeps them in line with an iron fist (hmm…), and isn’t afraid of/revels in violence (ruh roh).
So, while Yang is just starting to think, “Maybe I didn’t make the best decision asking Cecelia for help,” there are already alarm bells going off in Blake’s head. I’m excited for you to see where things go with them though! It was fun to add a jealous, slightly evil third party to the Bumbleby relationship. I usually don’t include third parties as more than fleeting side characters because I feel bad when they don’t get the girl. I could never use one of the main RWBY girls in this role unless I gave them someone who was a better fit for them in the end (like I would never have Pyrrha and Blake fight over Yang and then have Yang choose between them).
Can you imagine what it would be like if Yang put Cecelia in charge of Vale’s army though? What a fighting force that would be…and forget about any commonly accepted rules of war. Winning at all costs would be the motto.
Yang’s chapter gave us much more insight into her relationship with Cecelia, which was probably overdue. I wanted to write their interactions so that we could, if we squinted, see them as a potential couple. It would require Yang to be a little more evil and prone to chaos than she is in this story, but I think (or hope) that there’s a certain amount of chemistry between them.
I like to think that Cecelia would be good-ish for Yang, but in the sense that Yang would be very well protected. Overly protected, actually. No one would be able to look at her the wrong way without risking serious bodily harm.
It’s somewhat unfortunate that Ruby’s in Atlas because I would love more scenes with Ruby and Cecelia. Talk about good versus evil. Cecelia is ready to wipe Atlas off the map and destroy anything that stands in her path while Ruby’s trying to help Weiss get a handle on all the work it takes to be Queen. Ruby would probably be appalled by most of what comes out of Cecelia’s mouth. And Cecelia, as she already mentioned, would be blinded by Ruby’s inherent goodness.
Yang and Cecelia would make quite the pair, that’s for sure, but Yang already has her sights set on someone else. Someone who now knows her biggest secret.
I initially had no idea how to have Blake discover that Yang has the Phage. She suspects that something is wrong, of course, but how to get her to see clear evidence of it without anyone else seeing it too?
I decided on the hidden passageways because of several reasons, some of which will become clearer in future chapters, but one of which is so that Blake could witness the event as it happened in Yang’s room. The thought process is kind of convoluted, so I’ll try to explain as best as I can. Basically, we’re at the point of the story where I want them to start advancing the romantic aspect of their relationship. There needs to be little glimpses of romance that build up over time, right? So little touches, looks, smiles, etc.
They also need to start connecting emotionally. Blake’s already been fine admitting that she thinks Yang is attractive, but I want there to be more than that. So, how about sitting in Yang’s room talking late into the night about their lives and even ‘spending the night?’ (Though not in the typical sense of spending the night.)
Yang’s room is the most intimate setting I can think of. Plus, she’s willing to be vulnerable there, especially with fighting the Phage. It’s her safe space, so letting Blake in is a big deal. Almost as big of a deal as staying the night is to Blake.
Emotional connection!
Imagine how nice it must be for Yang to have Blake around. Especially now that Blake cares about her much more than when they first met. Yang’s the type who always seems to be taking care of everyone else, so it must be such a relief to have someone taking care of her for a change. Of course, as soon as Yang gets comfortable with Blake, Blake’s heading back to the Badlands. Funny how things work out like that… (Or not funny since that’s just me making their lives difficult!)
I mentioned before, in the chapter where Yang flips out in the Badlands and Blake hugs her, how I planned on Yang initiating the hug but how meaningful it was for Blake to initiate instead. I added to that idea in Yang’s chapter, where she literally admits that she’s conscious of how her position as Queen might make people feel obligated to return physical affection, and she never wants to put someone in that situation.
So, even though Yang is probably the most tactile of the bunch, she's touch-starved because she has the whole Phage thing to hide but is also worried about putting people in uncomfortable situations where they feel like they can’t turn her down. Contrast that with Adam, who was…well, he was willing to take what he thought was his.
I figured that after dealing with Adam, choice is very important to Blake. She needs to be given the choice to do what she wants, so I went through every effort to make sure that Yang is the perfect person for her in that regard. Yang’s almost too scared of taking away someone’s choice, so she hesitates and clamps down on her desires, preferring to let the other person initiate.
Of course, we’ll have to wait longer for that kind of initiation since Blake is on her way back to the Badlands. Fear not though! Nothing will stand in the way of our bees. We just need to check in on Weiss and Ruby first. And I need to figure out what I’m going to be working on next or when.
Thank you, as always, for your continued support! I feel like I haven’t been very involved lately since I haven’t been writing, but I’m going to try to get back into the swing of things soon. Maybe some life stuff will clear out of my brain and make room for more stories. Cross your fingers!
Until next time,
Miko