Butcher of Gadobhra Chapter 458 (Patreon)

"Ok, give me the bad and annoying news first. Don't bother sorting it out. The bad news is annoying, and the annoying news always goes bad the next day." Gombindle, Master of the Market, was hoping to end the last day of the Fairy Market he had brought to Sedgewick without anything else blowing up and was taking care to fix what already had.

"The badgers, the goats, and the unicorns got into a three-way brawl over a stuffed, leather dragon toy."

Gom looked at his notes, "Yeah, I see that. We compensated the child for their lost toy with pony rides and candy until we could get a replacement toy conjured up. We dealt with this yesterday."

"Yes, boss. But we have some complications today."

Gombrindle hated complications, "So, tell me about them."

"Well, the conjured toy keeps turning into a real dragon, but only when the child is alone. His parents are bound to get suspicious."

Gom rolled his eyes, "You haven't been around human children, have you? About the third time he tells them about his new friend they'll just nod and say 'Oh, that's nice dear.' What else?"

"The fight was popular, we had over four hundred people watching and cheering them on. The Market was deserted for an hour, but beer and snack sales were through the roof."

"Oh, really? Then we tell everyone it was a special event and that we'll be doing it again next time. I need three people to volunteer as team managers and get it organized. If it plays well again, we can take that show on the road. I bet the trolls will love it. Next?"

Horby looked nervous, but was pushed forward, "There is a small problem with a certain barrel of old enchanted swords I brought to sell. Silly things with minor enchantments. To tell the truth, I'd forgotten they did anything more than point to the nearest pub. I sold a half dozen to some mortal youth from a place called Lower Farthing. Good lads and lasses, the sons and daughters of farmers."

Gom looked at him sternly, "And?"

"And, well, they really were worthless in the Fae Realms. No one wants a Heroic Sword of Questing. They don't do anything unless you're a wee tyke under the age of thirty. When they pulled them from the sheathes the damned things started humming a glowing something fierce. Every one of those youngsters stood taller, putting their swords in the air, and shouting, 'For Adventure'. Then they ran off towards the town. I hid the rest of the barrel."

"Dammit, Horby! Now I have to talk to the Countess about out-of-control kids with sharp toys, and you probably sold them too damned cheap!"

"Well, they were pretty dull, before they grabbed them. A silver each felt like a fair deal, I only paid 17 copper for the barrel and have been lugging them around for years."

"Fine. I'll deal with it, but you're paying to reattach any limbs they lop off. What else went wrong that I have to fix?"

"We have four men down from taco-related injuries. No one expected anything from the mortal realm to be so potent."

"Are you kidding me? Those tacos had little flames dancing on them! Tell the little cupcakes to toughen up. If you can't handle the tacos, stick to the sausages and snails until you burn out your taste buds."

One portly fae stood on a chair trying to get noticed, waving his hat. "I need to know the delivery time on the inflatable dragons. I sold five of them already, and they'll be a hit anywhere on the fair circuit."

"What? How?"

"Easy. People ran up and handed me bags of gold, yelling 'I must have one.' I said delivery would be 'soon', and left it at that."

Gombrindle took a deep breath. Next to him, his wife patted his shoulder. "Vague promises buy time. Better gold an order for a product than a warehouse of products and no buyers. My Aunt is still trying to get rid of that wagonload of ugly pig-skin sofas she bought at that discount store."

He smiled up at her. "You're right, as usual. How hard can it be to find inflatable dragons? Probably sold in every human town. Any other problems that we have to deal with?"

Horby pointed at the gates, "How about the two that just entered the Fair Grounds, boss? They look like something you'll have to deal with."

Gombrindle and his wife looked to where two mortals had entered the Fair. They were strolling arm and arm, looking around at what was left of the wares as eager fae beckoned them over, hoping for a last sale before the day officially ended.

Gwendolyn stared at them, "They are human, or mostly so, but they are acting like High Fae, certain of their place at the top of Realms."

Gombrindle snapped his fingers. "Didn't recognize them. They're wearing red with black trim today but it's usually black leather with red trim. Come, sweet Gwendolyn, let us go and meet the Baron and Baroness of Gadobhra, the mortals who think they rule here."

Gombrindle was going over human protocol, who he should bow to first, and wondering what social faux pas he was about to make. He didn't remember the guidelines on meeting human nobles in the wild and outside their courts and places of power. He was totally unprepared for what happened next.

Billy strode up confidently, reached out, and grabbed his hand, shaking it with gusto. "Nice to meet you. Bob said you were the guy in charge. Nice job on the fair. You've obviously been doing this a long time. Nice to meet another professional."

Layla smiled at Gwendolyn, "These two are going to be talking business. How about we leave them to it and find a place to sit and talk? I love that dress and how you did your hair. Very lovely. I'm Layla, and that's Billy. We went casual today to catch the last of your Fair."

Gombrindle looked to his wife. He was a low fae and could adapt quickly, but Gwendolyn was a High Fae and a princess of an ancient bloodline. He tensed, and she surprised him yet again.

"You two are friends of Bob? How nice. Call me Gwen. We'll get a glass of something sparkling and I'll introduce you to my latest seamstress, she's just over here. You have to see the bolts of glowing silk she traded for in the Sea Realms."

Gombrindle sighed in relief. Billy said, "Yeah, know how you feel. You never know what's going to happen when two beautiful women meet."

The goblin nodded, furiously wondering what game the Baron was playing. He'd tossed any protocol to the four winds. Protocol gave the fae hints on how to react, and Gom was flying blind. "Indeed. How can I help you today, Your Excellency?"

"Call me Billy, and like I said, just came to look around, here at the end. Looks like you did pretty good. Lots of happy customers and happy merchants with empty wagons. I saw a lot of my people showing off their cool new swag. Hell, Layla and I almost got trampled by a group sprinting up the path waving glowing swords."

"Oboy, I can explain that..."

"No need, it's all fine. We pointed them to a hill full of zombie rabbits that need taking care of. Good place for them to start and they'll be killing ghouls by next month." Billy looked around the fair, where merchants were slowly packing things up. Some, were carefree, sipping beer with a pocket full of coins and an empty wagon. Others, who may have not brought the right inventory for the mortal realm would be packing things home. "A few sad faces with leftover inventory. I'd hate for them to say this wasn't a great place to do business."

Things clicked in Gombrindles head, "I hear you. Take William the Green over by that tree? He sells useful items. Talking sword-canes, hair brushes that can erase or add grey hairs to any head, and heavy quilts that keep you cool in the hottest of summers. But not all markets are good for all merchants. He's cursed to pack things home, with all the extra costs involved, when he'd love to find a buyer for some of it."

Billy pulled two cigars from his pocket, "Too true. A shame he can't leave those items here in Gadobhra. I bet they'd sell fairly well to a larger market. Care to smoke? These beauties are over 800 years old from the Endless Dance. I love the aroma."

Gombrindle happily accepted one of the cigars, enjoying the smell of the new tobacco. "Don't mind if I do. You seem to have some experience in business. You were mentioning a larger market?"

"I did. By a strange coincidence, I have some shops that are empty of stock to sell. Shops that can sell to all the major cities in the Empire, and even beyond to some very special markets. The benefits of having a Gnomish Bank next to a Teleport stone. I'm thinking that instead of taking all those wagons home, you could bring them to my shops, and I could list them for sale, keeping a small handling fee."

"How small?"

"Quite generous, only 50%. Of course, you'd want to adjust your retail to cover the least amount your merchants would sell for, then build in a small fee for yourself for all your hard work. My people will handle the selling, we split the cash, and you take care of your people. If it works out, we can talk about other deals. I have a big town with a lot of room."

Gombrindle was already calculating how much he'd have to pay each of the the lesser fae to keep them happy. Most were kin, after all. But the thought of empty wagons, and doing the same after each Market day, was a powerful incentive. He'd have to work on quality control and make sure the greedy sots didn't bring too much. "I'm sure we can work something out and your terms seem very fair. Let's take a stroll and take a look at the fine goods we can place in your far-reaching shops." They sat at a table and began working out details for the next half hour.

The sound of feminine laughter alerted them to the return of Layla and Gwen, walking arm in arm, followed by a dozen lesser fae with clipboards. Layla tossed a shriveled green apple to Billy, "Can you believe these didn't sell? They had a barrel of them, labeled as 'Fruit of Venemum Abatement.' Poor marketing, but Gwen and I have a fix for that."

Billy looked at the unappetizing apple. "What do they do?"

"Take away a hangover. We can sell these by the barrel all day long."

Gwen handed her husband a long list of items in large quantities. "My new friend, Layla, has a list of items she's seen that she needs in quantity. She has proposed an interesting proposal to help us move unneeded items and make us all richer. I told her you'd be delighted with such a deal. It will let our lesser kin do business here each Market and then go home with light wagons and heavy pockets."

Billy and Gombrindel looked at the long scroll that Layla unfurled, noting the types of items, descriptions, and safety precautions that mortals should adhere to. Both men nodded. Billy shook hands with Gwen and Gom with Layla. As the Market officially closed at sunset and the last mortals left with their purchases, the four business partners escorted seven wagons of goods to Gadobhra while the rest of the Market packed up the tents and prepared for an easy trip back to the Fae Realms.