Butcher of Gadobhra Chapter 462 (Patreon)

"Well, that's certainly a pit. It lives up to its name. Be careful on the way down." Ricardo stepped carefully on the broken stones of the staircase that led down into a dark pit and ended in front of a pair of tall double doors made from bones bound in rusted iron. Two spikes jutted from each door, holding rotted skeletons in broken armor. To either side were a scattering of headstones, a testament to other players who had ventured in and failed to come out on their own.

Dandio strummed a jaunty tune on his lute to raise the party's spirits, the sound echoing off the walls of the pit. "A lovely place. I'm sure we'll have fun here. How are we approaching this?"

"Standard order until we hit a crossroad or big encounter." Just to make sure everyone remembered what 'standard order' meant, Ricardo reminded them. "Frank is in front, of course, soaking up damage and taunting to control the mobs. I'll flank to his left and Swiftfoot to the right. Focus fire on one at a time to bring them down. Dandio is charming excess mobs and doing the healing. Hasselhoff reacts and uses crowd control or nukes as needed, and no one should be conserving mana or stamina. Go all out. If we get low in here, we retreat and recharge."

When no one said anything else, Frank pulled open the door and they entered the dungeon. As they entered, they received a quest.

 Welcome, Brave Adventurer to The Pit of the Butcher!

This is a premium dungeon sponsored by Baron William of Gadobhra. The entrance fee is 4 gold pieces per person. Seasonal passes are available at the ACME building.

We notice that you are not a member of the local Adventurer's Guild, nor do you have a pass. Would you like to:
A) Pay your entrance fee later at the ACME building. Say 'Yes' to accept this quest.
B) Choose not to pay. Say 'Skip'
C) Walk around with this display in front of your face, blocking your view.
D) Leave the Dungeon.

"Nice Strongarm tactics. I thought you knew this guy, Ricky."

"No, I said I know of him. And what I know is that he's highly motivated and a top earner."

"I'm not leaving, I say we skip and live dangerously."

"Go for it, Hass. Let's see what happens?"

Hasslehoff said, "Skip." Nothing happened other than the display going away. "No big deal. Let's get moving." Dandio and Swiftfoot said, "Skip."

Ricardo said, "Accept," and after a moment so did Frank."

The halfling looked annoyed, "What the hell?" Frank shrugged, "I think it's a good call, this way, we have a control group and an experimental group. And I'm betting that if he has the balls to charge four gold for this hellhole, we'll make a lot more." Everyone else nodded. Swiftfoot had a bad habit of forgetting the people behind the characters. Frank worked in risk analysis, but when he gamed he loved barbarians and berzerkers, letting him unwind.

They began moving into the hallway. Huge rib bones arched overhead with uncarved rock behind them. Rusty chains hung from the ceiling, often ending in meathooks with the remains of armored soldiers attached to them. As they walked along, Frank paused and looked at one largish skeleton in plate armor. "Those greaves don't look rusty, and about my size. Someone shoot that chain and let me check."

Ricardo was looking at the bodies, "Good call. I wonder if anyone ever checks these? Could be all sorts of stuff on them. Might be a nice little exploit."

Hasselhoffen pointed his staff at the chain, "I invoke the Acid Rust of Bevelmung!" Brown gas spewed from his staff and coiled around the chain. A minute later the chain crumbled to rust and dropped the armored skeleton to the floor. To everyone's astonishment, it landed on its feet and raised its sword and shield. Chains rattled as three more skeletons dropped from the ceiling, much smaller than the first.

Frank yelled something that offended even the undead and charged the largest and distracted the other three. Seeing multiple attackers, Dandion managed to charm one, making the skeleton Dance a jig, then hummed The Lullaby of Healing to keep Frank going. The two rogues concentrated their attacks on one skeleton but were hindered by the heavy armor and lack of vital organs. Hasselhoffen carefully cast Acid Rust of Bevelmung on the three smaller skeletons, knowing Frank would be angry if he ruined the greaves on the biggest one. After that, he poured damage into the skeletons using Dinglehoffer's Singing Ray. One by one, the smaller skeletons went down, leaving only the largest that was pounding on Frank's shield with a huge club. The Ogre Berzerker had stayed under control, reserving his Raging Fury for later, which his allies appreciated. Frank had difficulty telling friends from foes while he raged.

Now that they had one foe, the rogues switched tactics, moving behind their opponent and cutting the leather straps holding together the skeleton's back and breastplate. Without that protection, Frank was able to break ribs and cause more damage, and after another few blows, the fight was over. As the last undead went down, the only sound was heavy breathing from the five players as they scanned the ceiling and halls for more foes. Frank drank down three healing potions and Hasselhoff quaffed a mana potion.

"Nice, this is an upgrade for me!"

Polished Steel Greaves of Eternity
Not time nor magic will dull the shine of these Heavy Plate Greaves, enchanted with the following effects: Polished, Self-Repair, and Mitigation +20.
(Size Extra-Large)

"And we scored a total of eight gold so far. I love fighting higher-level stuff."

"These were just Level 16 and the big guy was 18. I bet we hit tougher, with more loot."

"Great, we all need some upgrades."

Moving forward, they began to hear noises. Small whispers came from all around them and screams echoed from deeper in. The wide halls had piles of rubble: Rotted furniture, wagons, piles of cracked pottery, and piles of chewed bones. They were careful, with both rogues looking for traps and making sure none of the piles held ambushing mobs. A few coins, mostly copper, were found in the rubble, and a broken wagon had a chest full of dried pemican which they put in their packs. As they progressed further, the chains hanging overhead held rotted carcasses of monsters. The stench of rotted meat grew stronger and chains sometimes lowered or raised, making them nervous with their rattling.

It was probably the rattling chains that made them miss the pile of rotting meat underneath the chewed bones. Hasselhoffen was the first to find out about the ambushing mob as a bone spike attached to a rope made of tendons and muscle tore threw his shoulder.

SURPRISE! You've been ambushed by Haufenfleisch, an Elite Level 20 Gristle Daemon. (Massive, Sneaky)

Hasselhoffen is speared for 500 points of damage!
Hasselhoffen is taking 50 points a round of bleeding damage!

The huge creature scattered bones and chunks of rotting meat as it stood upon two stumpy legs, waving around two shoulder tendrils while its harpoon arm dragged its prey closer to be 'Tenderized' by the huge bony growth on its other arm. A toothed maw split the creature's torso vertically, displaying rows of six-inch fangs. It roared its defiance and hunger.

Frank raced forward, slamming his shield into the Daemon's body and blocking the maw. Ricardo grabbed the tendril between Hasselhoffen and the creature and began stabbing at it with his Dagger of Impressive Damage, failing completely to impress Haufenfleisch.

"Dandy, cut the tendril!" The Bard began hacking away at the tough, rubbery growth, regretting, and not for the first time, that he'd let himself be seduced by the Romance path instead of staying with Sword-Bard. He sang out Vergoyn's Vengeful Marching song, to increase the group's damage. Swiftfoot disappeared into the shadows, only to appear on top of the creature with a sharp butcher knife from his cooking gear. Before he was noticed, he sawn threw one of the shoulder tendrils which dropped to the floor and began to wrap around one of Frank's legs like a snake.

The second shoulder tendril wrapped around the halfling's waist and began to pound Ricardo with his team-mate. Frank took one hit from the tenderizer and went into a rage repeatedly bashing the Daemon with his shield and hacking down at it with his bush knife. The weapon was smaller than his battle axe, but let him work close. He carved slice after slice off of the creature as it beat on his shield.
The combination of sword and dagger finally cut Hasselhoffen free. The panicked mage shouted "Screaming Eagle," before pulling a healing potion from his pouch. To his horror, the tendril was still wriggling within his shoulder. Ricardo had to pull it out from the exit wound. He threw the bone-tipped tendril down the hallway. The larger tendril around Frank's leg couldn't crush his new greaves, so it worked its coils higher, making Frank very nervous.

Everyone except Haufenfleisch flinched as the Screaming Eagle materialized and dove at the Daemon. Dandio backed away and began healing the Hedge Wizard freeing Ricardo to deal with the tendril on Frank. Rather than stab, he sliced along the tendril, cutting it into two fillets. The thing lost most of its strength and he managed to pull it off of Frank. Swiftfoot disappeared in a puff of flour, confusing the Daemon for a moment, and then the shoulder tendril grabbed for the annoying eagle that was tearing into its back.

Hasselhoffen stood up, only to see his eagle slammed against the floor until it died and turned into a puff of feathers. Angry, he called on his Chaos Mark and sent three angry, flame-toothed imps to attack the larger Daemon. The flame quickly destroyed the chunks of raw meat and the hungry imps dug further into the Daemon, looking for choice pieces. Hasselhoffen tried to stem the tide of Chaos, but his injured shoulder was causing too much pain. The hidden tattoo grew slightly larger, and above his head, a storm cloud appeared. Rain poured down on the Hedge Wizard and a lightning bolt struck the spiked tentacle sneaking up on him and killing it.

Ricardo and Swiftfoot were working from behind now, and the second shoulder tendril was dead after both rogues filleted it into small pieces. Ricardo watched in wonder as the halfling used his cooking skills to increase his damage. Dandio had turned back toward the Daemon to sing both of his Healing Hymns to keep Frank up. Frank was totally berzerk now and under one-third of his health. He'd broken all the fangs and jammed his dented shield into the maw. Now he was trying to rip the bony arm off of the Daemon. The rogues began to cut the back of the shoulder, helping Frank.

Dandio was paying attention to Frank and didn't see the reloaded gun arm swing his way and take careful aim. The bone harpoon took him between the eyes, cracking his skull and knocking him down next to Hassenhoffen, dying but not dead yet. No one saw two Gristle Daemons rolling up on the Hedge Wizard, attracted by his eagle's screams. They grabbed him with four tentacles and began to rip off his arms and legs. There was only one spell he could cast, usually a very bad idea but his Chaos Mark was whispering in his ear and he shouted out the two syllables that invoked his Hasty Ritual of Self Immolation. The exploding ball of flame cooked both of the level 16 Gristle Daemons to well done, killed Dandio and vaporized Hasselhoffen. Frank was singed but beyond caring. The Daemon flinched from the flame, and Frank ripped off its tenderizing arm.

The rogues were saved from damage by the Daemon's bulk. They backed far away from Frank as he chopped at Haufenfleisch until it wasn't moving.

Congratulations on a Well Cooked Victory!
You have collected enough Gristle Daemon Tendrils to complete the quest: Something Stirs in the Darkness!
Return to Runt to gain your reward and hints of another quest.

You have each earned 5 Enhancement points and a total of 1000 experience points for your efforts.
A Meaty Rewards Chest awaits you at the Dungeon's entrance.

Frank had come to his senses and was sorting through the remains of the Daemons. "These things have good drops! The small ones each dropped a porterhouse steak and a gold piece, and the big one had a huge rib roast and 6 gold pieces. I like this place."

Swiftfoot ran around gathering up the tendrils and Frank stuffed the other meaty drops into the sack as well. "Yeah, me too!. I can cook these up over a campfire with some wild mushrooms and onions from the farmer's market. No one said anything about these things dropping high-quality steaks and roasts! Half the Moot will be coming here to shop!"

"May I suggest we leave? We're down two people and have loot at the start. Let's count this as a win, eat well tonight, and wait for the others to respawn." The group moved rapidly to the start of the dungeon where the chest awaited them.

Frank was rewarded with a Bonebreaker Mace, +5 STR, Shattering that looked like the arm of the Daemon. "Sweet, this thing does twice the damage of my other mace, with a chance to fracture bones on each hit, and shatters them on a critical. I think I'm going to try two weapons for this place. We need more DPS."

Swiftfoot pulled out Mutant Sedgebeast Hide Bracers: +25 mitigation, +3 CON, decreased poison damage by 20%. The heavy leather bracers had reptilian scales like a large lizard for added protection. "Sweet. Nice protection. I want a whole set of this stuff."

Ricardo crossed his fingers and pulled out a vicious-looking bone shortsword with a slight curve and a razor-sharp edge. "What the hell is a Grimshadow Ostrich?"
Grimshadow Ostrich claw. Base Damage of +100, +5 DEX disembowels on a critical hit, and all hits cause minor bleeding.

"Yeah, I want one of those too. We need to start farming this place." The halfling drooled as he saw the stats on the sword.

All of them turned as a voice stated calmly but loudly, "Good to hear it. The Baroness and I are so happy you stopped by. But we do want to clear up a small problem. It looks like two of your party members didn't understand the instructions and hit the 'Skip' button. We wanted to be clear on your intentions before I turned my golem loose on you for skipping out on paying your dues. And I know the rest of you want to pay up."

The injured players turned to see two people in black and red armor with glowing scythes. Behind them was a murderous-looking metal golem with spinning blades and baleful eyes that promised painful injury.

Ricardo pulled out the 15 gold pieces they had collected. "I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, right Swifty? You meant to hit accept, didn't you? Unless you think those fuzzy feet can outrun that murder machine. We seem to be a bit short, but we fully intend to come back and earn more."

Swiftfoot knew he wasn't that swift, not tired and bruised and packing a bag of meat. "Yeah, my bad. I only said skip because I want to buy a season pass and got confused."

The Baroness smiled at him with red, glowing eyes. "I so love a man with hairy toes and a season pass. Can we forgive his transgression this one time, dear?"

Billy smiled as well. "Sure, this is Gadobhra, after all. I'll send you lads a quest to earn your season pass in the next couple of weeks. All you have to do is come back to this dungeon each day and file an after-battle report with my secretary at the ACME building. We love to gather data. Helps provide a better experience for our paying customers. Your dead friends will get the same. And I'm sure you can spread the word around about the dangers of picking the wrong answer to that first quest."

They all nodded their acceptance.

The Baron clapped his hands. "Excellent. Why don't you run along now? The Inn of Gadobhra is open as well as the pub, and our Pawn Shop. Tell them at the pub that you went in the Pit and the first beer is on the house." The group bowed and went on their way. When they had gone, Layla checked the chest, pulling out an evilly-looking roundshield made entirely of bone with a fanged maw in the center.

BoneFang Shield of Biting. +50 Health 10% chance when struck to inflict an equal amount of slashing damage on the attacker.

"I'd be tempted to keep this for myself if I didn't know how much this would sell for in real-world dollars. And we need to have solid sales at the next board meeting."

Billy agreed. "Sell this one. There will be more. The pit is our best dungeon and I want to see how many groups we can push into it. That group didn't make it far. We need some good trophy pieces to show off for better advertising. Death Trap Dungeons are fine as long as they have good loot to entice people in."

"What about the other complication to this group? Vern sent little Ricky up here to spy on us."

Billy smiled, "Which is great. As long as he thinks he has spies here, he won't send more. We just have to make sure Ricardo sees what we want him to see, and overhears a few tidbits. It will be fun to have one of Vern's minions testify on our behalf at the next board meeting. And I have a plan for Vern. I think I'll help the boy out with his dragon problem."