Journey towards healing (Patreon)

I'm doing some thinking about my art journey.

Long term I might transition into dropping the commission tiers I hv n stick with a streamlined 'style'. I honestly really want to stay away from doing lineart. As time goes I realized how much it constricts me n I'm probably only doing it because that's what I think people want rather than what I enjoy doing.

I think I'd love to double down on doing art the way I want to.

I still struggle with the idea that people might have problems with it (self-esteem issues), but at least I want to try.

I think I've never openly stated that due to a time when I was forced to draw for work in ways that is unhealthy, I have a bad trauma reaction to the act of drawing now. Even though I LOVE art, every time I face the canvas I'm face-to-face with my demons again.

It's hard.

Before last year, I was also barely making any money with my art n I lost all confidence in my abilities. I came back trying to focus on the positive things of what I'm doing, n to focus on the joy I'm bringing to however many people that finds it in my art.

And in a way, that started my healing journey. But I know it's gonna take time. Whenever I had setbacks (which due to my health, I have many) it brought me back to that dark prison. I'm thankful that at least now, I have a lot of support from those who care about me, and my art. It really does help a lot, so thank you to yall, you know who you are.

As I get more commissions I was also building confidence, I felt needed. Of course that's a great thing. I've been blessed by many commissioners who are passionate about their characters n ideas n that positively affects me. In a way, I don't want to make my commissioners feel like I'm not giving my all for their commissions, of course not at all! I've gone n done my very absolute best for my commissions. I think the joy many of them expresses is a testament to that.

Still though, I know it's a long process.

No doubt, I need all the help that I can get to stand up strong again. I hope someday I can find the joy in facing the canvas again, with my tablet in hand, dripping ecstasy onto the canvas without my demons to disrupt me.

Please continue to be kind to me, and to support me ♥️