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Why Men Struggle With Friendship | TIME

Why Is It So Hard for Men to Make Close Friends? - The New York Times

Comments

Bob Brady

I really appreciated this episode. It's funny, Tom and Cecil's open affection for each other here still made me squirm a little in spite of myself. I don't think that's something that will go away for me now, but maybe it will one day. Displays of romantic intimacy between men don't make me nearly as uncomfortable as they once did so there's a chance. I'm definitely going to start using my calendar to remind me to get in touch with people. That's a great tip.

Asymetra

Fantastic episode. If you want fulfilling relationships, put in the work. There is no substitute for putting in the work. There are a multitude of factors, certainly. Patriarchy: It's not just detrimental to women (though they do bear a greater burden of harm). Historically, men are competition, women are chattel. A wife was a replacement for mom (Madonna), homemaker and child bearer. Other women, including wives, were for pleasure. (Read: History of Sex) Women were sequestered to the house to keep her out of reach of other men and ensure that the child was yours. The effects reverberate through history, but we no longer know why, our brains (System 1) just pick up the pattern and assign simplistic reasons without us (System 2) even realizing it. Homophobia: Part of our identity is how others perceive us. When your not gay, being seen as too close to another man risks being perceived what you are not. Society: We are told to focus on a small range of things to be happy, basically: money, achievements, money, fame, followers, money, awards, money, likes, trophy spouse, money, property, appearance. We're told these superficial things are what we need to be happy, then we find they are not. They aren't unimportant, but they aren't the things we should live for. We celebrate sports, not science. We are such a capitalistic society, that the language of finance permeates every aspect of our lives. Everything must be decided by ROI and cost, not what is the right thing. If we never stop to look at our reflection in the pool of life, we will only ever perceive the shallow. We're also told to seek quick solutions. Efficiency is important, but is not itself the goal. Recommended reading: The Way of Integrity Be Useful: Seven Tools for Life Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

Battie

Great episode! I think of my nephew who’s a sophomore in college and doesn’t have any friends. He seems to not know how to meet and bond with people. It breaks my heart to see. He’s a big gamer so maybe he has gamer friends. It’s hard to know because he’s a kid of few words! Doesn’t share much. As for myself, I’m a woman but it’s hard for me to make good friends because I’m picky and judgy. But I met my best friend on a cross country flight! I invited him to sit in my empty row since his was full. We chatted the whole flight and it was such an easy convo like we were immediately comfortable and it was easy to be vulnerable.

Patricia Lucas

This was a wonderful episode - I'm female but this was a very impactful one!

Jessi

I am always scared to try to make friends because idk which person will think I'm hitting on them or that I must want something. Especially women. I am bisexual, which probably doesn't help lol.

Eric Denton

Episode bummed me out. I’m fortunate to have two large male friend groups. There definitely are differences. The one in my age group is not affectionate. We don’t share much despite knowing each other for over 30 years. The other group where the oldest guy is 40 (in almost 50) and the rest are mid 30’s are all much more affectionate (they’re all huggers), we tell each other we love each other and I know I can talk to them about anything. This group has been together about 8 years. Hopefully the younger generations make it easier for men to express their feeling than us old guys have.