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Partychan Matrix ThePornDude
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Got to writing my story! Tw: dark, gore, psychological horror. (Twwok prologue) (Patreon)

Published:
2024-12-22 09:56:51
Imported:
2024-12

Content

Hi all! Hope you’re well c: this is my attempt at a first draft prologue for my book “The World We Once Knew”


Dive into a world where consciousness and unconsciousness have cataclysmically collapsed into a world where sleep simply ceases to exist and one’s biggest dreams or worst nightmares come to exist. Follow a girl with a troubled past and even more troubled present, for she cannot possibly die, but whatever pain she experiences will forever feel the same as the moment it happened. Joined by the phantom of the man who ruined her life named Jack.


How far can they make it in a world of dangers?



Any critiques or opinions are super valid! I’ll put some notes of things for when the second draft rolls around love y’all c:

Files

The World We Once Knew: Prologue draft 1:

Her vision flitted in and out of existence like an ominous shade. Eyes fixating on the intrusive and excessively decorated hole just in front of her. An ice cold hand pressed gently upon her shoulder with a playful squeeze. "Well?" The familiar voice defiled even the slightest urge to turn ar...

Comments

•]••´º´•» 🎀 𝒞𝓇𝓎𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓁_𝒩𝒜 🎀 »•´º´••]•

Ahhh!! Omg! Im so excited to see you writing and sharing it with us 🥰. I'll share my thoughts later on as I'm about to sleep. But I'm happy to see you sharing another hobby of yours with us. I remember you sharing a snippet of writing with us before too 💖. Also, girl you are using some classy vocab 'cataclysmically' which is peak 😤🤌

Jennifer Love

If it were me, I’d try to break everything and max out the pain limit—so it would no longer hang over me, of more to come. Then I could start to get used to it, and eventually tune it out—(like your brain does, when a room is full of a constant smell, and you no longer register it.) Also, Jack is USELESS, and I’d ignore him after a point, if that’s all he’s good for, is to make fun of me? That’s my opinion, putting myself in the shoes of the main character. I think I’d start to get utterly ruthless, after maxing out the pain—and the constant jump scares. I’d be crafting a flamethrower. 😆

YagamiYato
>>159020765

Valid, I think the question ultimately becomes, what is the limit on pain? And to what point can someone function with it? Also Jack is technically incorporeal so even if he wanted to help(which is a bit of a stretch let’s be honest) he can’t really interact with things since he’s effectively just a specter.

Jennifer Love
>>159020765

Well, the wound can only happen once, right? So in an apocalypse (?) setting, at some point you’ll cover them all, if you are in fact immortal/insta-heal—so after a point it would taper off, encountering new ones, cause they’d overlap, and be null. And if Jack ~literally~ can’t do anything, and we know it, why the hell are we asking him for help?! 😆

YagamiYato
>>159020765

So the way her body works is essentially instantaneous regeneration after the wound, whatever happens, even if she was atomized, a moment later she would be back, but with the addition of the pain from whatever happened in addition to the prior things she’s experienced. Also on the Jack side, due to her not really knowing if he could do anything or not(since this is roughly an hour to two after the world changed) , it was more or less a shot in the dark hoping he could help, because I was thinking it would probably be the most human thing to do, if you know someone is nearby even if they don’t physically exist. Hopium XD

YagamiYato
>>159020765

Though I must say you bring up a spectacular point. If say, Nez got her leg bit off again and again, I think it can be presumed that it would additively keep adding more hurt, but like, I would have to imagine the first time would be much more impactful than the second and so on with diminishing returns. So maybe there is a soft cap of how much pain she can feasibly experience at one point. Great observation!

Jennifer Love
>>159020765

So like… the pain would cap out, after a point? Because you would have experienced it all? Otherwise, if it didn’t, and it just compounds exponentially—at a certain point you couldn’t think, because it is too loud—and your brain would shut it off anyway? Or you’d go into a coma. Also!! I was thinking, in the kitchen scene, we should have rummaged under the sink for spray cleaning chemical— and aimed it right for the dude’s eyes! You can’t chase what you can’t see, and us getting eaten would have been the last thing in its mind! Then you run, because the first thing a dangerous creature does after getting blinded, is wildly thrash around— So unless we are strong enough to aim the poker at ~wherever~ its lungs are at, and deliver a final blow— Best to cut our losses and run! Does the main character have super strength, along with healing? If not…it might end up that way, because not registering muscle fatigue—with the insta stamina re-gen?

Jennifer Love
>>159020765

Ooop, I didn’t see your second message, I guess the notif doesn’t work if I have the app open. We said the same thing. 😆👍🏻

Colie Krampus

Ooooooo excited to read!!

YagamiYato
>>159020765

She doesn’t get physically tired but emotionally and mentally, she is no stronger than an average human, which sucks for her given some people who were lucky in the world and especially those with less trauma ended up with better opportunities and sometimes got things like powers. (As when consciousness and unconsciosness collided, everyone was essentially combined with their dreams or nightmares, their biggest fear or hope smushed into a new form for everyone or literally manifested into reality. Due to her previous trauma with Jack, her alienation with her family and the divide between people who blamed her and people who pitied her lead to her getting a very specific fear that caused this in essence to be her worst nightmare.

•]••´º´•» 🎀 𝒞𝓇𝓎𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓁_𝒩𝒜 🎀 »•´º´••]•

Have you been writing for a long time? Your writing flows well and is very detailed. I have read a lot of fanfiction and I must say, your writing stands out from the rest. 🥹 OH SHIT! It didn't even register when I read the description, but her always continuing to feel pain that gets inflicted upon her. WRAP THIS GIRL IN BUBBLE WRAP! What the frick is going oooooooon? Why they murdering? Jail! 👀👀 Why do I get the feeling that Jack isn't real? More over, he's like her imaginary friend? This story is unlike anything I have ever read before. It is truly unique. I can tell that you have put a lot of thought into it and that you enjoy writing it. I hope you will continue to write and share this story with us in the future 🥰.

Jennifer Love
>>159020765

Ah, well hopefully they discover a hidden superpower/breakthrough, that makes all this a blessing in disguise? I don’t think the ~whole purpose~ is for them is just to be constantly sad…just because? 🥺 There’s got to be a reason, they’re forced to face both sides of the coin? If anything, it will speed up their inner personal growth, because there is no other option but to face yourself now? And even if Jack can’t physically do anything, he can be the panoramic lookout/battle advisor—or combat cheerleader! Cause he COULD darn well empower her, or else he’s just dragging her down? Or does he hate being a ghost, and that’s why he’s an asshole? 🤔

Hanna B

PROUD. OF. YOU. I love it!!

EarthlingDontWorry

I was reading this and was wondering why I felt a little deja vu, and then excited because I remembered the short story audio you uploaded to patreon around 2019 that featured Nez! ~"The Monster in Me"~ It was really cool finding that when I did, and I am so happy you're building on that story and sharing it. I hope you keep on writing :')