Home Artists Posts Import Register

Content

This week we’re joined by co-founders of internet comedy, Drew Toothpaste and Natalie Dee. Natalie and Drew have been making Weird Internet Shit far longer than any of us feel comfortable discussing. Find them at the Garbage Brain University podcast, or here, right now! To commemorate all of us being veterans of the comedy wars, we made them watch the first episode of American Inventor, which of course they had already seen.

American Inventor was a failed reality show from 2006, when it was impossible to fail as a reality show. It was a predecessor of Shark Tank but with a more evil premise, crazier inventors, and scummier hosts. Let’s meet the judges:

Ed Evangelista, the untrustworthy one!

Peter Jones, the posh one! Brilliantly untrustworthy.

Mary Lou Quinan, the woman one! Confidently untrustworthy.

And Doug Hall, the eccentric inventor! There’s something about a white guy in a Hawaiian shirt and denim jacket that screams “trust me with your dreams.”

Doug brags hard and often about his elite luxury invention compound where the world’s best minds think professionally, untethered by material concerns. Let’s take a look at those sprawling resort grounds, Google Street View!

Remember to subscribe to the podcast, which we hear is like being trapped in a child’s prison of joy. And then leave us a glowing review, which offers all the satisfaction of publicly relieving yourself in a trash bag.

Listen to the podcast to get these jokes, or just read them now and remember them fondly when the time comes!

...

If these images are borked, you can read this article and every other one on the much better in every way 1900HOTDOG.COM.

Comments

Talking Alpaca

The compound looks like something out of a hack thriller movie.

Clementine Danger

Now I don't want to victim blame here but if you follow a guy in a Hawaiian shirt and denim to a place called The Compound and you *don't* expect to be murdered in a gravel parking lot between two big rigs then society has failed you in unspeakable ways.

Max Rockatansky

Sprawling resort grounds=burned out industrial park in the middle of nowhere.

Skebotron

I commend you for having the restraint not to grab the low-hanging fruit that was a 69 joke on this, the 69th Dogg Zzone 9000 episode. Who'd have thought you'd make it this far? (We did. We ALL did. WE WILLED IT TO BE SO)

Clementine Danger

Make fun of that eagle-fucking 9/11-saluting flag-weepin intro all you want but isn't a cabal of rich psychopaths and a girlboss bullying the hopeful working class the most American thing of all?

Jeff Orasky

Seanbaby had a two-part Cracked article that covered some of this. It was a fantastic article(s) and I would frequently reread it in the before times. I am so happy you have come back to this well.

Clementine Danger

Haha shit I went back to read some old articles and I fully forgot what the late 2000s were like. I'm just not used to Seanbaby earnestly calling me an r-worded f-word anymore.

Flippant Sausage

All it really requires is for one of them to work in the military industrial complex and constantly be trying to weaponize stuff, asking questions like "Yes, I realize its an all in one shaving kit, but have you considered that if you tweak shaving cream and add a small explosive charge, it becomes a combination chemical\fragmentation payload?" and making the starry-eyed nerds uncomfortable before they descend into their Faustian pact with the Raytheon devil.

Flippant Sausage

Every one of these people has strangled a child's missing pet, and stabbed a former SEC representative. It's part of their pact with The Outer Dark that lets them all fail upwards, or at least comfortably sideways.

Flippant Sausage

At the very least you never watched enough movies or went to a high school (To my knowledge, my specific high school in the late 90's) that made you watch a PSA about truckstop sex workers and that was how you learned what a "lot lizard" was.

Clementine Danger

And here you are today, decidedly unmurdered by Doug Teenfucker and the lobotomized raccoons he calls a think tank. American education wins again!