RAW SCRIPT: [ASMR] Best Bro Break-Up Reassurance [M4M] [Wholesome] [Bromance] (Patreon)

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▶ Original Upload Date: November 24th, 2021 

discord call sound and answer

Hey dude what’s up? [brief pause] Nah, I’m not busy. I was just about to play some CS:GO and then maybe Warzone and troll some people but I can talk. What’s good, bro? [brief pause] Aw shit man for real? You got broken up with? Damn. How did it happen? Did you not spend $1000 on a Gucci product for the bitch? Did you not allow them to order off the expensive menu at that one sushi restaurant they just built across town? I swear, you have to be rich to even look in it’s direction. [brief pause] Oh fuck for real? Damn, that’s a total horseshit reason to break up with you. Look, you didn’t need them anyways. I wasn’t going to say anything, but they looked like an Oompa Loompa. I mean with all that skin tanning and their constant need to dye their hair every month to match whatever the hell. I don’t know, Mercury was in retrograde or something. Dude, speaking of that, do you really want to date a person that thinks one’s personality is based on their zodiac sign? I mean I “guess it makes sense” that they broke up with you for that reason because ThEy’Re A sCoRpIo but by that logic, you were born in July and that makes you a..ummm...what? [brief pause] Yeah a Cancer. They sure were cancer, sorry sorry I’m sorry. I know you loved them dude.. But, like I said before, you’re a Cancer which supposedly means you’re supposed to be extremely sensitive and cry like a bitch all the time. But, you didn’t even cry during the beginning of Up or at the end of Toy Story 3 you damn psychopath hahahahaha.

phone vibrates Oh shit. Dude, your ex is texting me for some reason. Did you give them my number when you were drunk at Jackson’s graduation party by accident? I sure as hell didn’t want their number. Plus, they were your partner, I’m not like that. They did approach me but I was like SKRRRT YEET YEET YAH YAH YAH go out to the garden cuz youse a hoe! [brief pause] Hahahah there’s that smile. I’m just going to delete this text...and oh damn...hey, you know that one Jennifer chick from university? She just hit me up. She’s asking if she and her girlfriend can come over so I can help them study for their physiology class. She’s sending a lot of winking faces. Hahaha ayyyyeeee. [brief pause] no no no no dude, I would give up that experience for my best bro I’ve known since we came out of the sandbox. We’re still young, I’llhave plenty of time. I’ll text her that I'm busy or something. [brief pause] Yeah busy. You’re my best bro, and you’re one of my few main priorities.

[brief pause] Ahhh it’s nothing bro, I got your back. I know you would do the same for me. Anyways, how you holding up? You start drinking without me yet? [brief pause] Alright cool, bet, come on over I’ll buy us a party pack of Mike’s. [sarcastically] Hahaha yes cuz I'm fruity hahahah. Anyways, before you come over, let me lay down a truth bomb on you. I’ve known you since we still pissed our overalls back at Happy Rainbows in the first grade. I always saw you try to impress your crushes with your 64 colored crayons with the built in sharpener and look what happened, your mom had to buy doubles of them every year until fourth grade. All because of your hopeless romantic ass haha. Even your mom knew what a simp..le guy you were back in the day haha. Why did you and why do you try so hard to impress these humans? You have so much more to offer to other people. You’re extremely intelligent even though you do dumb shit, you’re incredibly handy I mean hell, I still use the desk you built for me in shop class in sophomore year of high school. [brief pause] Hell Yeah Imma keep that shit. YOU made it for ME. I think it’d be a dick thing to do to get rid of it. Plus, I don’t know why you take your dates out for expensive ass food when you can cook a bomb ass meal at home? Then again, what if they turn out to be bat shit psychos? Yeah never mind. Dude, I think you need to stop thinking about dating and think about you for a change. And I know your heart wants love and all that mushy gushy shit, but isn’t there anything else you want? You know instead of spending 2 bills on a date for dinner and a movie and dessert, you could be using that money towards a day at the amusement park by yourself, just make sure you sneak me in hahaha. You are an amazing guy man. You really want to throw away the best years of your life for another person. There’s nothing wrong with marrying your high school sweetheart early, but think about it, how often do they actually work? [brief pause] Her and I didn’t work out because I preferred video games over her. [brief pause] Dude I would give up all the “sleepless nights” with her for a sleepless night with my favorite video game and my favorite bro. At least when I want to play video games, it doesn’t get mad at me at a certain week of the month hahaha. There’s that boss attitude I know and love growing up with. Hahaha, you feeling all better now?

[brief pause] No worries man, anytime bro. You’re welcome. Now come on, you wanna troll some squeakers on Overwatch or Rainbow Six Siege? [brief pause] Awww shit, ladies and gents and other beautiful humans, he’s back! Alright, hop into the lobby and I’ll meet you there and YES I'M WEARING KITTY CAT HEADPHONES! Hahahaha alright see you there. Hey man, I love you bro, homies for life. Alright see you in a sec.

discord call ends

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