Subject: Urgent Memorandum: Immediate Closure of Hearts of Darkness Dating Service (Patreon)

From: The High Council, The League of Evil

To: All Sinister Subscribers

Dear Depraved and Dastardly Members,

It is with a heavy heart (as heavy as a heart can be when it thrives on chaos and destruction) that we must announce the immediate shutdown of our once-celebrated dating service, Hearts of Darkness. It has become alarmingly apparent that the amalgamation of two supervillain hearts in romantic unison is an endeavour fraught with peril, perilous drama, and catastrophic public relations failures.

Operatic Overkills and Love-Induced Lapses:

The dramatics ensuing from such unions have not only destabilised our sinister operations but have frankly made us the laughing stock in front of the Citadel of Heroes. Imagine, heroes chuckling behind their sanctimonious capes as our best and brightest are reduced to soap opera stars, wailing over spilt poison and misunderstood villainous monologues.

The League of Evil Does Not Apologise:

Remember, we are evil; apologies are for the weak. However, we recognise the void this will create in your dark, possibly lonely, lives. Thus, we offer some rather inspired suggestions for finding romantic entanglements that do not involve the complexities of supervillain synergy:

• Your Neighbour: Yes, the one you suspect is probably your superhero nemesis. Nothing spices up a relationship like trying to outwit each other with clever traps and counter-plots at every encounter.

• Your Work Colleague (From Your Normal Job): Again, likely your superhero nemesis. You know, the one who’s always asking why you're so tired on Mondays or why you have sudden 'business trips' during every full moon.

• Your Best Friend: Most likely scenario? Also your superhero nemesis, secretly plotting your downfall while borrowing your spare kettle.

• Among Your Minions: Probably not your superhero nemesis, but let’s face it—unlikely to challenge your intellect. Though, they are wonderfully expendable and replaceable, ideal for when you tire of their minion-esque admiration.

Proceed with Caution:

Should you choose to pursue these alternatives, do so with your eyes wide open (behind your mask, of course). Remember, the path of true villainy never did run smooth, especially not laden with the added complexities of romance.

Final Directive:

Destroy this memorandum after reading; it self-destructs in three seconds anyway. Good luck in your future romantic undertakings, and may your heart be ever black and your laughter ever maniacal.

Evil Regards,

The League of Evil

Ensuring that even in love, chaos reigns supreme.