Attention All Tea Slaves, Tea Masters, and Tea Enthusiasts: The Empire and Lady Sith Are Currently Seeking a Replacement for Our Beloved (But Tragically Deceased) Tea Slave No. 14. (Patreon)

Attention tea enthusiasts, the Empire and Lady Sith are in search of a new Tea Slave to replace the dearly departed No. 14 – may they rest in pieces. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to serve the most powerful (and easily angered) Sith Lord in the galaxy, all while making tea!

As the Tea Slave, you'll be responsible for brewing, pouring, and serving tea to Lady Sith and her guests, all while walking the fine line between competence and being force-choked to death. You'll be provided with a state-of-the-art tea set, a shock collar for security purposes, and a chance to prove your worth to the Sith Empire (or possibly end up as Rancor food).

We are looking for a tea-making prodigy, a veritable tea-whisperer, who can not only brew a perfect cup of tea but can also anticipate Lady Sith's every tea-related whim (which can range from "I want it strong, but not too strong" to "I want it to taste like the tears of my enemies").

Requirements include: tea-making skills that rival those of a Jedi Master, a willingness to submit to Lady Sith's every whim, and the ability to maintain composure in the face of imminent danger (which may include angry Sith Lords, rampaging beasts, or unexpected droid invasions).

If you have what it takes to survive as a Tea Slave in the Empire, please send your application to Lady Sith (and hope for the best). Please note that we cannot guarantee your safety, sanity, or continued existence, but we can promise you'll never have a dull moment (or any moments at all, if you screw up). Apply now – because nothing says "career success" like being a glorified tea server in a ruthless, tyrannical empire.